Snippets and Stories

A whole year?

2010-07-20T12:35:00.003+08:00

I am officially three days away from my one year anniversary of moving to NYC. It's amazing how much things have changed for me in the past (almost) 2 years. Scary.

Now is about the time I usually get restless and plot my escape, but I'm resisting. One year really isn't that long of a time and while I am feeling a little tug, there's still a lot of the city I want to explore. I have really been enjoying my time here and still feel quite at home. No sense in leaving just yet.

My current job as an AmeriCorps VISTA at Planned Parenthood of NYC is coming to a close... I have two weeks of service left and then I am done! Two days after that... I start my new job - which will be at the Harlem Children's Zone. I'll be working as a community organizer for their Community Pride branch - which deals with adults and not children. As most of you know... I'm not a huge fan of kids, so it would be silly of me to take a job dealing with them. (Not YOUR kids... of course.)

I'm sad about leaving PPNYC but also excited about the new adventure of starting a new job. Naturally, I'm terrified I won't be any good at it or will hate it or something else horrible - but I'm trying to stay positive. So far.... my success has been average.

Actually, a lot of things have changed or are in the process of changing and it's making me feel a little lost. Overwhelmed. My mind is racing with everything that's happening and trying to process it all. It's not really working, though, and the result is me feeling lost. It will pass, as it always does. But I do need to spend some time getting my shit together. I've been neglecting things and it's all piling up in my mind.

I also need to visit home. Hopefully I'll be able to make the trip to Jax in a couple of weeks. My Dad is coming in and bringing my new baby brother so I want to come down and meet him. This also makes me slightly nervous, as I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about that whole thing... The original plan was go to out to Cali and have a mini family reunion but since I'm starting a new job not even 2 weeks prior... I feel that might not be my best plan right now. A weekend trip to FL I can do, though. So... Florida people I will keep you posted on that!

Also, I turn 25 in less than a month. Should I be worried?

Life...

2010-06-10T01:05:00.003+08:00

I have spent some time lately reading back through the stuff I wrote in my blog while I was in China, and reading some of my old journal entries from the past few years. It's amazing how much I forget about my own life and experiences. I'm always really glad when I actually write stuff down, because apparently I will not remember 95% of it.

Of course, reading about my time in China was genuinely interesting to me because so many random things would happen to me all the time. While I do have a lot of random experiences here.... they just don't seem as noteworthy. I feel like life in the U.S. is just so commonplace and settled. As though my life here is more "real" and less a casual adventure.

At any rate... life is good lately. I still am enjoying living in NYC and am definitely planning on sticking around for a while. My year of service is coming to an end, so I am back out there looking for a new job. I have really enjoyed working at PPNYC and absolutely can not see myself not continuing to work in nonprofits. The low pay is a challenge, and always will be if I choose to stay in the nonprofit sector in the long run, but I really think it's worth it for me.

I have fallen in love with community outreach, which sort of combines the best of retail and office work for me. I get the independent projects and desk work that I sometimes crave, while still being able to go out into the streets and talk to people.

This past year has helped me grow a lot professionally. I still turn bright red when I speak in front of people (I might have to start trying beta blockers) but I feel pretty confident when giving presentations at this point. Now if only I could get over feeling like everyone thinks I'm 17... Or if only everyone would stop thinking I'm 17... It's hard getting up to give a presentation when people look at you as though, "Yeah right... Like she could know what she's talking about." But, I do. And I think that comes out pretty well in my presentations now.

I'm also looking for a new apartment with one of my current roommates. I'm excited about having a smaller place and having more control over what happens in it. I'm also really excited about having a bed that's not 5 feet off the ground. (I have a loft bed right now) I'll miss my other current roommates and the area that I'm living in, but I think in the long run it's the right move. Plus, my room is simply unbearable in the summertime. Seriously. I would be more comfortable sleeping outside when it's over 90 degrees.

In totally unrelated news... I won a trip to the Dominican Republic. I'm pretty excited about it and am taking my mom. I feel like I owe her... and she's not had the best year so I think it will be good for both of us. I haven't been out of the country in well over a year - which is the first time that has happened since I was 2 years old. (Yep, I'm spoiled - and couldn't be happier about it.) So my wanderlust is really flaring up lately and I am getting restless. Hopefully this dulls it a bit. I don't know when we're going, but probably after summer is over.

Well that's all for now. I'll keep everyone posted about interviews and new apartments and whatnot. I had one interview yesterday and another one next week. Fingers crossed! Wish me luck :)

Life List

2010-04-12T23:44:00.002+08:00

I have read countless blogs lately that have the author's version of their "Life List" or "Bucket List" or whatever the hell you want to call it. So, I wanted to start my own. They're in no particular order - and only include things I haven't yet done - so maybe I'm selling my life short a little since in reality I've already done a bunch of stuff that would have normally been on my list. Also, I'm only sticking to concrete things that can be checked off - there are more things I would add if I wanted to put general life goals like - "never pass up a great opportunity".

Most people's lists are like 100 items long - and I think I'll get there, but this is just my initial list. And I didn't waste time listing individual countries ... because I think I'd list half the globe. Although, there are a few exceptions for countries I've been talking about going to for a long time and haven't gone yet. I'm open to suggestions for those of you that think I'm leaving something off I've always talked about doing...

1. Learn to scuba dive.
2. Swim with sharks.
3. Visit all 50 states.
4. Go to Mexico.
5. Ride a motorcycle.
6. Ride a jet ski.
7. Go skydiving.
8. Go bungee jumping.
9. Hang glide.
10. Learn to snowboard.
11. Live overseas at least one more time.
12. Visit Machu Picchu.
13. See the Pyramids.
14. Visit the Middle East.
15. Walk on the Great Wall of China (again).
16. Attend a World Expo.
17. Go to a World Cup game.
18. Get a master's degree of some kind.
19. Learn to speak Spanish as well as I did when I was living in Argentina.
20. Become conversant in a third language.
21. Get a tattoo or brand.
22. Visit New Zealand.
23. Write a book.
24. Go on a Safari.
25. Volunteer/work in Africa.
26. Sleep in a hut on the beach in Thailand.
27. Learn to drive stick.
28. Go on a cruise.
29. Become an expert on something. Anything.
30. Become a certified yoga teacher.

The Daily Show

2010-04-09T05:08:00.002+08:00

You can reserve tickets to the Daily Show online, for free, if you can find an opening. I have been checking their site regularly to see if I could find a date open where I could actually leave work a little early and go see the show.

I actually do not even watch the Daily Show regularly, mostly because I'm lazy, but I feel like it is one of those NYC experiences I would regret not having. So, I reserved a ticket for me, got off work at 3 and got to the studio at 3:45 to stand in a line along the side of building. I happened to be standing next to a pile of trash, and it was quite warm outside for a New York April afternoon. So, I stood in line, for about 2 hours - reading and being grateful that I had an iPod with me (with new music! I finally put some new songs on my iPod for the first time in 2 years!). Then some crew people came out and checked our names off lists and handed out little slips of papers with numbers on them. I was one of the last to get a slip - and I was only number 34. Apparently a lot of VIP people had showed up and stolen everyone else's spots! (jealous...)

So - I got in, got a seat in the second to last row and sat down to enjoy the show. There was obnoxiously loud and not very good music playing for about 15 minutes, then our "prep" guy came out to warm us up and get the laughter going. He was entertaining, but I feel like he was a little off from his normal stride. (I obviously have nothing to base this on, just a feeling) He slightly reminded me of my older brother...

Then Jon Stewart came out and everyone went crazy!!! It's always neat to see someone famous close up - it makes them a real person to me. Whereas before he was just some character on a TV show. He always answers questions before the show so he talked to some people in the audience and it was pretty entertaining. One woman's sister apparently had picked him up when his was younger and hitchhiking thru New Jersey and so he reminisced for like 5 minutes about his time at a club there... it was entertaining because he obviously got sort of lost in it and then snapped out of it and was like, "buuuut no one here cares! Next question!"

One of the bits was Jon Stewart interviewing puppet Michael Steele. Hilarious. Especially since apparently the wire kept falling off of the puppet's arm so the puppeteer couldn't control it and was just like flailing it around. Jon was gracious enough to help "Michael" out several times - and I just could not stop laughing. Fucking brilliant. I love that despite the fact that they film the show ages ahead of time and could obviously redo it -they choose to just roll with it. It's amazing he doesn't mess up more than he does. Also - Sam Bee is a cute little pregnant lady.

Steve Carell was the guest - and man does their interview go quickly!!!! Of course - the two of them interacting was hilarious because they are both very funny guys. I'm not so sure about this new movie of his, Date Night, but I did like that for Steve's introduction they played a clip of Ed Helms in the Hangover.

All in all - a great experience and totally worth the wait and the constant search for tickets online. I totally want to go again!! I have tickets for the Colbert show in a couple of weeks - so I'm hoping that it goes as smoothly as this one did. Now I know that I need to get there early though! Since apparently there really are no guarantees even with a ticket and only being 40th in line...

Whoops!

2010-03-04T13:29:00.003+08:00

OK so it has totally been a while since I updated this. Thanks to the ever wonderful Kristina for pointing that out :) Sometimes I forget. Also - pics of shoes coming as soon as I have a reason to wear them!

Things are still going well for me. I think I can safely say that I officially survived my first winter!!!! It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Turns out, I totally like wearing skinny jeans with boots over them. I never thought I'd wear that trend. I also totally like wearing Ugg(ish) boots when it's freaking freezing out. And playing in the snow.

Having said all that - I'm still ready for it to warm up. I went to Florida for my mom's birthday two weeks ago and it was really nice. I totally missed the beach and the warm weather and all the open space and water!! I know that I would never want to live there again (at least as my life is now...) but I think Jacksonville will always hold a special place in my heart. Plus some of my favorite people are there!!!!

The whole point of the trip was for me to surprise my mom for her birthday - which was hilarious. Her best friend called me up and suggested it and paid for half my ticket. My grandparents paid for the other half and so I flew down to Jax, stayed one night with my Dad and lil brother who totally came in just for me!! (right?!?!) and then drove to Daytona the next day with him and my mom's best friend. We all surprised her at her work. She totally cried. It was fantastic.

We went out to eat, went bowling, went for a long walk on the beach and laid out by the pool. An all around fantastic weekend that went by far too quickly. I've missed my family and friends!!! Also - my brother and mom and I are all almost at exactly the same skill level for bowling so it was totally intense. There was one game where two of us tied and the third person had one point higher. CRAZY!!! It's like we share DNA or something.

I have been consistently busy with work and attempting to meet new people and hang out with old friends here in NYC. I still freaking love my job - which is fantastic. I decided to put off applying for law school/grad school again for an array of reasons. Maybe next year. And I'm single and sort of trying to date but I won't pretend like I'm putting in that much effort. Building relationships is time consuming!

Every Tuesday night I attempt to teach ESL students English as a volunteer ESL teacher. I teach a listening section and I don't think it's going all that well... the curriculum that was given to me is a bit wonky and I just don't have the time and energy to devote to creating my own curriculum for them. I still really like teaching adults though. Maybe someday I'll be good at it too!

I will try and update this with more stories and snippets soon. Much love!

Christmas

2009-12-24T10:21:00.001+08:00

The highway is crowded. It seems everyone is in transit, getting ready for the holidays. We have passed at least 20 Toys R' Us stores and Wal-Marts and I feel the monotony of America grating on me. The drive between New York City and Boston is only supposed to be four and a half hours, but the Christmas traffic and the recent snow are slowing things down. I can see red taillights for miles ahead of us, and even though we're moving I am less and less hopeful that we will reach Boston before the subway shuts down for the night.

As I sit here, watching strip mall after strip mall pass slowly by my window, I realize that I miss my family more than I thought I would. Thanksgiving was easy enough, though there were a few pangs of homesickness involved. Tonight, though, as I'm headed to visit some very good friends of mine, I can't help but feel a little sad that this bus is heading north instead of south. The snow on the ground is less comforting than the warm Florida sun. The promise of an impromptu bed less inviting than the thought of crawling into the one I left behind six months ago. I suppose that this is what growing up is all about. As we get older we have to break with our old traditions and form new ones, or at the very least modify them. The only constant in life is change, right?

Despite missing home more than I ever thought that I would, I love where I am. I feel completely content with my life. Moving to New York City was exactly what I needed. I had come to a complete standstill in Jacksonville. I was miserable, even though I was surrounded with almost all of the people that I love. Now, so far away from them, I've found somewhere that I really think I belong. From my first day in New York City I have felt at ease. I have been lost and stressed the fuck out and completely baffled by many things, but never have I felt so at home. I feel like it's my city.

The cold and the snow present me with a new challenge. I have never lived somewhere with actual seasons. The cities I have lived in have all been considered to be subtropical in climate, so when I found myself standing in a snowstorm last weekend, I freaked out. I twirled in circles and giggled like a little girl and threw my arms up in the air and almost fell down on my ass as I played with the gorgeous white powder that fell around me. I took in the glory of Central Park coated in a fresh coat of snow and cursed the misery that is wearing tennis shoes through the slush. Two days later I did fall on my ass thanks to those same tennis shoes and a slippery staircase. I have a massive bruise to prove it.

Despite the shortcomings of the weather, I am enjoying feeling cold. It thrills me a little bit and while I am certain that I will be so sick of piling on clothes and trudging through the snow by the end of the winter - I still find myself giggling in excitement when I breath out and I can see it hang in the air. It's no longer something to call home about or run inside and tell everyone, "It's so cold you can see your breath!" but I think it will continue to make me smile for at least this winter.

I hope you all are happy and healthy and I wish you a very Merry Christmas (whether you celebrate it or not) and a fantastic New Year.

OK so I'm arrogant...

2009-11-11T02:39:00.003+08:00

Do you ever catch yourself judging someone else? Assuming that they're an idiot because of a conversation they're having? Thinking you're better than them because of something they do or say? How much do you base your own actions on what the people around you will think of you? Do you care more about what your friends will think of you or what the general populace will think of you? Or does it matter?

I had an interesting conversation the other day about why humans act the ways that we do and what humanity really is. What shapes our values? Why do we think that it is wrong to take advantage of another person, or to kill a child, or anyone? Are there times when people really don't feel this way? Why has there been so much evil in this world if we do think it's wrong? Is it always wrong?

The answers, I think, are impossible to know. We all have our own moral codes that we live by, and I think these are largely shaped by our surroundings -a mixture of society, our parents, our family and our peers dictates for each of us what is right and what is wrong. Our moral codes are fluid and change as our surroundings change. This is why one day people are living at peace and another they are slitting each others' throats. Are there some values/morals/sense of right and wrong that we're simply born with? I'm not so sure.

I think that there are points where people do not view it as wrong to kill each other. They think that raping a woman to death is not evil, that pushing children into mine fields is part of the battle. On our pedestals, we look at these actions and condemn them and those that carry them out. We protest and send in troops and do whatever we can (or at least we talk about it) to stop them from carrying out what they believe to be right. We are acting in line with our moral code, which happens to be at odds with theirs. Is this right? Is placing our beliefs above theirs really something we should do?

Of course my instinctual response is, "No shit we should stop them! What they're doing is wrong!!" Just like my instinctual response in China is that the Chinese people that spit/blow their noses on the street are somehow less civilized than I am because their hygiene is different than my own. I judge the people who litter the streets with trash as well as those that sell their bodies for whatever it is they need. I judge the people that kill other people or molest children. I judge them and I think that, "I'm better than that. I'm better than them."

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in my superiority complex. I feel like this topic gets neglected a lot because it's somehow OK to have an inferiority complex (which I also have to some degree), but feeling superior to people is a huge no-no. Well I'm here to admit that I totally feel superior sometimes. I think my way is better and I think that my country does a lot of things better than other countries. I'm also pretty sure that everyone feels this way. We believe what we believe and of course we think we're right and they're wrong - or we wouldn't believe it! Of course I think I'm better than the person who has participated in a massacre - or I would participate too.

Having said that - I totally worry about what other people think of me and if they're looking at me and thinking that they're better than I am. Here comes my inferiority complex. I don't really know why - and I feel that I am somehow less susceptible to this impulse to look awesome in the eyes of others but it's definitely something I still struggle with. Why do I avoid asking stupid questions or doing something where I might look like a total ass in front of my friends? If I really didn't care what other people thought then I would have no problem with this.

In a lot of ways - caring what other people think of you is a positive thing. It keeps us in line and respectful of others - which I think makes everyone happier in the end. But I still can't help but wonder how much I've missed out on because I didn't want to look stupid. Or didn't want to wear a bathing suit in front of that person.

On a related note - I bought my first scale today. I feel really weird about it.

New beginnings (again..)

2009-11-06T23:40:00.002+08:00

I have now been in NYC for almost 4 months. Really not that long of a time, but I feel amazingly settled in. My transition to living here was definitely one of the easiest I have ever made. I won't pretend that I know all the ins and outs, or could tell you exactly where to go to get a good cupcake or anything (cupcakes are still really popular here), but I know my way around the subway lines pretty well at this point and feel really comfortable wandering the streets.

Living in America is definitely easier than living in a city overseas, but I still miss it sometimes! I'm extremely glad that I moved here and gave it a shot - because I definitely am much happier here than I ever could have been in Jacksonville, FL. I am a big city kind of girl. I miss the stars and the beach, but I love the hustle and bustle and walking down the city streets.

This is titled new beginnings because I have switched organizations. I now work at Planned Parenthood. My job at my previous organization quickly went to shit when my supervisor and I stopped getting along and we realized that our end goals weren't exactly meshing. I won't go into detail- but let's just say that it wasn't working out, so I was transferred here.

Today is day 6 and so far I really like it!! Everyone is extremely nice and welcoming and the sort of work they're doing here is much more my speed than the business services that were being carried out at my previous org. I'm working on a campaign to get comprehensive sex-ed into public schools in NYC by recruiting parents to push the principals to implement the available curriculum. As someone who grew up with probably too much sex-ed by my dear mother, I was never confused as to what sex was or what exactly a condom was and how to use it. However, I know most kids aren't blessed with parents as open as my own, and most schools don't offer much help (scary pictures of genital warts don't count). As such, I fully support this initiative and am excited about working on it!!

Something that's interesting about working here is figuring more out about what I believe. I've been reading up on feminism, the pro/anti-choice battle, sex-ed, and all sorts of other political and personal issues. I've always categorized myself as pro-choice because I truly believe that it is important for each of us to be in charge of our own bodies. For too long women were used as baby machines and it wasn't our choice whether or not we had children. For me, being forced to keep a child in my womb that I didn't want would be torture. Having a child that had been forced into me would be even worse. (I avoid saying that I only support abortion when it's a result of rape or because the mother is in danger because I don't believe that - but I do think it is especially important to support a woman's right to choose in those instances.) Having said that, I think it is an extremely difficult choice and I'm not sure that I would make that choice myself- but like many freedoms- I believe it's very important to allow each individual to make that decision for themselves. A woman's body doesn't suddenly belong to someone else just because she is pregnant.

Feminism is another issue that I keep running into here. Obviously, I am a feminist, as well as a humanist. I have been for ... a long time - but reading certain publications and peoples' opinions makes me realize that I haven't been the best one, and I have avoided categorizing myself as one before. There are many negative stereotypes associated with being a feminist, but the more feminists I meet (and love!) the more I realize that those stereotypes are completely ridiculous and I will never again refuse to label myself as such.

Also- I really kinda want a tattoo.

Unsure ...

2009-09-22T05:02:00.002+08:00

Lately I have been doing research on global climate change, peak oil predictions and a variety of other environmental issues.

I just don't understand. People complain about governments putting out a call to the people of America to volunteer their time and encouraging civic engagement, and people complain about "large government" requiring green building practices. Why? Who can we possibly be hurting by conserving energy, planting trees and promoting open spaces? What is wrong with encouraging each other to volunteer our time to accomplish these things and more?

I fully agree that certain policies are flawed and that there are things being done that probably aren't entirely necessary and certainly not cost-effective. (LEED certification for one) However, I also feel that anything that reduces our impact on this planet and uses less of what the Earth gives us is a positive change. Resources are finite, populations are increasing, as are disasters that make it more and more difficult to come by things like food, water and even oil. The world does have a history of climate change, so I am not convinced that we can control the droughts and hurricanes or that we are wholly responsible for them, but I do believe that we currently have a greater impact on the Earth than we should.

Oil is a finite resource. That is a fact. Asthma rates in the world are up. That is a documented fact and it is widely accepted that this is in great part due to pollution. Pollution is caused by man. Therefore our impact is causing higher rates of childhood asthma and whatever other illnesses have been linked to pollution. (I haven't done the research to know exactly what those are or how reliable the studies are that link things such as truck emissions to learning disorders.)

Plus, pollution is just nasty. How many of you have ever avoided swimming in a river or ocean due to the level of trash or knowing that something was recently dumped into it? (Anyone in Jacksonville knows exactly what river I'm talking about...)

How is having our government regulate our industrial/commercial environmental impact a negative? We have proven that we will not spend the money or make the effort to do so without the regulations, or it would already be done.

I am as guilty as the next person of not doing everything I could to "save the planet." Honestly, I will probably never be one of those people that goes to any sort of extreme or puts myself in discomfort to do my part... but I do try to do the little things that I believe add up if we all do it. I will probably never compost, but I go out of my way to make sure my plastic bottles end up in a recycle bin rather than a trash can. I refuse plastic bags 90% of the time now and those that I do take I am sure to reuse at least once. If nothing else, I figure we will have more usable land that is not being taken up by plastic bags and bottles. We all need to reduce how much we use and how much we waste. I don't see the point in arguing that...

Take this rant how you will. I'm not a die hard hippie or a crazy environmental activist. (though I guess I'm turning into an activist). I welcome dissenting opinions and opposing research if you have any - and if you agree let me know. I'm curious what people I know think. There was a report released recently that claims that the environment is the 2nd most popular voting issue for those of us under 29. Since it is not something that generally comes up in conversation with my peers, I doubt its validity, but maybe I'm wrong?

A love note...

2009-08-31T11:09:00.002+08:00

I just want to say that I had an amazing weekend. I saw some great people, had a lot of fun, got a new purse which I desperately needed (as much fun as it is coming up with a handful of threads everytime I grab something from my current purse...) and fell in love with the Met.

I absolutely love living somewhere that has amazing museums that have suggested admission fees. This means that I give whatever change is in my pocket as my admission fee. When I went to the Museum of Natural History it was $2.50. A steal compared with the $16 they ask for. My grandparents were in town today so they paid my entry to the Met but I am definitely going back first chance I get. I'm not even that heavy into art and I adored it.

Art's cool - don't get me wrong. We're pals, I'm just not one of those people that needs 18 hours in one room with it. I admire it from afar and pretend like I know what I'm talking about (I honestly know zilch about art but it's pretty so I like it.) I want to know more about it and get a bit more exposure to it so living here is awesome for that. The Met is one of the cooler art museums I have been to - and I have been to a fucking lot of them. My favorites are still the Louvre (duh) and the Reina Sofia (Madrid - Guernica is one of the coolest fucking things I've ever seen), but the Met is up there. I can't wait to make it to MOMA and the Guggenheim. Oh and hopefully a couple others of the 572 art museums here.

I think NYC and I might be soul mates.

Too soon?

A mess to be made...

2009-08-27T05:33:00.002+08:00

I am totally a mess today. I woke up tired and with zero will to get out of bed. I am sore from restarting my yoga efforts. (the yoga feels amazing - the aftermath a little less so) I am totally PMSing (TMI I know but deal with it) and I have a date tonight that I am just so not in the mood for.

While I'm sort of proud of myself for actually going on a date - I'm realizing that I have serious issues with dating. I have limited dating experience but generally speaking I hate it. It's so awkward and I hate dealing with expectations and all the bullshit that goes into getting to know someone new. I feel very strange getting to know someone with the intention of either having a sexual or long term relationship with them. (Because really isn't it always about one or the other? Or both?) The fact that I'm sort of a prude and don't really think I want a long term relationship at the moment make dating seem sort of fruitless and pointless. However I am hesitant to shut myself off completely - it's not like I don't need the practice...

Date one is usually OK (at least when I don't immediately realize that I totally don't enjoy the other person's company). Date two is typically good actually but then date three I enter into what the fuck am I doing panic mode. I haven't made it past date three yet. Tonight is date two (but third time seeing each other) and I'm totally dreading it. I'm in a very cranky, undatelike mood. Yay.... (I will be single forever)

In other news- still loving NYC. Love the city and my job and pretty much everything I've experienced. It's way less intense for me than Shanghai but so much more engaging and exciting than Jacksonville. I have no idea how long I will stay here but so far I like it a lot. I can't shake the feeling of wanting to go back overseas... but as far as the US is concerned NYC is at the top of my list for places I could see myself actually living long term. Naturally, this may be in large part because I haven't spent much time in large cities in the US, but I would like to ignore this fact for now.

Grad school is something I'm starting to think more and more about as I realize that I miss going to classes and learning things. I'm also learning more about which field I might possibly want to enter into which is inspiring. I'm becoming a bit more focused in my pursuits but am still nervous about trying to break back into school and the whole application/rejection process. I should have taken the GRE when I was in undergrad... here's hoping I'm smarter when I take it than I was back then.

I think that's more than enough personal information for one day. G'night y'all.

Pennies, Pennies Everywhere

2009-08-06T06:24:00.002+08:00

Today marks the close of my second full week in New York City. I'm totally still alive. Good news all around.

In all seriousness though... I really like it so far. Sometimes I am still a bit overwhelmed as I always am in a new city. I struggle to find my way around and find decent places to shop, grab a bite to eat or set up my picnic lunch. Other than the normal getting to know you pains that accompany any move - things are going pretty smoothly so far. I have a place to live, a job, friends, some money and an interest in my surroundings. There hasn't been a whole lot that I don't like yet - though I am sure that I will discover more of that as time goes on. I even like my local laundromat. (and it's lots cheaper than any laundromat in FL - crazy right?)

You might be wondering - why the title? Well a very strange pattern has emerged during my time here. I have found at least one penny every day I have been here. I have picked up about 20 cents in the past two weeks. This totally fascinates me for some reason. I just don't understand why there are so many pennies around. Are New Yorkers just so rich that they overlook all the money on the ground? Is it beneath them to stop and pick up the pennies? Or am I just totally underestimating the nastiness of the NYC streets by touching something that has been on the ground for God only knows how long?

Whatever the reason for the pennies I will continue to pick them up. Hasn't anyone ever heard of that saying? "See a penny, pick it up - all day long you'll have good luck." Maybe the pennies have been fueling my good times so far. I wonder how long I'll continue to find pennies on a regular basis... Maybe I should look up more often?

Nah.

New York New York

2009-07-29T07:35:00.002+08:00

Today marks my 6th day in New York City. So far I have remained quite busy and have enjoyed my time. I fell right into looking for an apartment and after three days of looking found one that I think that I will really like. I will be living with 3 strangers - but the place is in a great area, furnished, and is a very reasonable price for the area.

For those of you that don't yet know what I am doing - I am doing AmeriCorps. This was launched as a sort of domestic Peace Corps. More specifically I am a VISTA - which is the part of AmeriCorps that deals exclusively with combating poverty in the US. Some of the links to poverty are loose and some are very clear cut. Regardless, all VISTAs receive a very modest stipend every month for what is officially volunteer work. It is meant to be enough to live on, but is also meant to keep us at the poverty level.

During the next year I will be working full time and making little more than I was making working part time in retail over the past 6 months. We are not allowed to have a second source of income - not selling jewelry we make or babysitting or anything. The idea behind this is so that we may know what it is really like to live on so little money. To struggle to feed ourselves and to not have money for luxuries. I am not convinced that this strategy will work - and I feel as though it is inherently flawed in a lot of ways. (For instance many people are living at home with their parents while doing this or are receiving money from their parents for assistance - why is this OK but not actually working for it?)

It will be a challenge for me, who has never wanted for anything, to constantly be struggling with money. I have taken it on as a personal challenge and I am sure that I will succeed- which might be a problem. I have been very lucky in my life to have a family who has helped and supported me - but also to have one that taught me to handle my money so well. Part of why I have been able to travel as extensively as I have and have never wanted for anything is because of my ability to make the most of what I have and to prioritize my spending.

While I poke fun at myself for having a $10 rule while shopping (I have a hard time paying more than ten dollars for any one item of clothing) it is this rule along with my general abstinence from buying myself little luxuries that has afforded me the ability to travel the world. Occasionally I find myself breaking my rules, and despite the fact that I rather enjoy it, I try to stay on track. There are still so many places I wish to travel and so many things in life that I wish to see and do that will require discipline with my money that I can't bring myself to blow it on a purse or a new pair of jeans.

This discipline I have practiced throughout the years will come in handy over the next year, but without the payoff of a trip! This will probably be hard for me to accept and I will have a hard time truly not being able to buy clothes rather than just preferring not to spend my money on them. There is a huge difference and I'm not quite sure how I will handle it.

The not being able to spend money on food thing will be relatively easy for me. For a while I always ate toast and tea or coffee (made at home) for breakfast and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some grapes or raisins or something for lunch. I am great about packing my lunch and taking it to work with me and I do enjoy cooking. The problem will be when people ask me to go out with them for dinner or drinks. I am trying to budget in a small amount of money for my entertainment each month and I really, really hope that I pull it off. The first month will be the most interesting for me. I am going to have to learn my way around the city and my new neighborhood- experimenting with grocery stores and coupons and the like to get the most for my money. Being thrifty requires a lot of leg work.

I'm currently participating in my Pre-Service Orientation for AmeriCorps VISTA and am at a hotel in downtown Manhattan with close to 200 other "volunteers" for the upcoming year. We have been trying to "build relationships" and discuss our thoughts on poverty and service in NYC. We all have different opinions, and while I feel that a lot of us have a lot in common I have been caught off guard about a few things and have surely made an ass of myself. I love that people here correct me when I'm wrong about things in America. Being here and interacting with people from all over the US with regard to American problems for once has been really enlightening. I've spent so much time overseas and worrying about America's international agenda that I've failed to learn a lot about what goes on in my own country.

Being in New York is great for me for that reason. I feel that even though I am still in America, NYC is so very different from Florida and Jacksonville in particular that it's sort of like being in a different country. I don't feel as isolated or as far away from home for a lot of reasons - but I definitely notice that I'm out of my element! It's great and I'm excited about learning more about the rest of America!!

I'm truly excited about my upcoming service - and while I'm terrified that I'll do a horrible job or absolutely hate my organization or my coworkers or just be totally unprepared and overwhelmed in every way possible - I can't wait to start. I've always wanted to dedicate myself to helping others in one way or another and I am finally getting that chance. Hopefully I am not disappointed.

I'll update more later - I know this is already really long. Wish me luck and come visit me in NYC!!

Adventures!

2009-04-28T09:30:00.003+08:00

OK so I'm a bit of a strange girl in the sense that I have no problem going places by myself. I will eat dinner by myself, chill at a coffee shop for hours with my ipod and book (ok it's usually just my book), and even go to a bar and get a drink by myself.

I don't mind being alone. I don't mean alone in the bigger sense of the word, just in the immediate "hey, I'm here by myself" sense. I would probably wither away and die without people in my life, so I'm very grateful to have so many wonderful people in it - even the ones I only get to talk to online make me feel like my life has meaning of some sort. However, I do not require someone to go to the movies with and I don't really have a problem sitting at a bar drinking a beer and reading a book, or even just enjoying the music being played. I know that I look really pathetic, and people typically assume that I have been stood up or am waiting for someone - but who cares?

I bring all of this up because I have been acting on my impulses to do things by myself a lot more lately. I've been to a few bars by myself and have enjoyed it for the most part. The whole experience has been sort of interesting because I have zero experience with getting hit on and handling myself around men. I've been in a couple of relationships and dated a few people - but none that I ever met outside of school/friends/work. I'm not the sort of girl that gives out her phone number usually and I typically brush men off when they do approach (which to be fair, in the past wasn't all that often.)

I'm not entirely sure what's changed but the past couple of months I've been approached by a lot more guys. I even had a guy at a local sandwich shop ask me for my number a couple of weeks ago. Really random and I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me before. I'm still trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy or escape him when I can't turn my back on him to talk to a friend.

What's worse than trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy is trying to figure out how to answer his questions. There's always the question, "what do you do for fun/ in your spare time?" Honestly? The majority of my time is spent at work or at home by myself or hanging with family. But who wants to hear that? After listening to my brother complain about how boring girls are when they never have any hobbies or anything that they do for entertainment - I just can't bring myself to really answer the question. Maybe I should just change the question in my head to, "In an ideal world, what would you do for fun most nights?" To that question I have lots of answers!

I've led an interesting life and have a ton of interests and have done and seen so much, but none of it is stuff that I'm really open to sharing with a total stranger. Dating is awful - by the way. I'm so incredibly awkward and horrible around new people. I'm typically quite shy and quiet until I get to know someone so I probably come across as totally uninterested and snobby. Most of the time I am uninterested so I'm not too upset about this, but for those few times where I am it makes it sort of difficult.

Also, the more guys I meet - the more I realize that I am incredibly, incredibly picky. (The number of times that I have liked a guy immediately upon meeting him is..... very very small- usually I have to be eased into it as I get to know them) And will probably never have a one night stand. Both of these things are both positives and negatives, but for now I'm just going to view them as positives.

I really want a puppy.

Holy Shit

2009-04-09T11:35:00.002+08:00

I just scared the crap out of myself. (I hope)

It's not a very nice night here in Jacksonville. The full moon is high and bright and my house is eerily quiet, save the wind throwing branches against my windows and audibly straining the doors. It's one of those nights - one where I walked outside and said to myself, "Creepy" at the sight of the moon and the sound of the wind.

I originally walked outside to retrieve something from my car. As I'm moving everything around and shuffling through the papers and everything else in my car that I really need to clean out - I notice that it got a lot darker all of the sudden. I look up and my garage door is shut. Now - I didn't shut it when going out to my car because I knew I would be coming back in momentarily. My garage door is also quite loud when it opens and closes as it is 30 years old and the machinery is therefore ancient- so the fact that I didn't hear it close is extraordinary. Add to that the fact that when I reached for my garage door opener to reopen it, it took a few tries to get it work, and you have a scared shitless Camille.

I don't scare that easily, and while I know that I did pick up and move my garage door opener while searching through my car and could have easily accidentally hit the close button - the combination of the moon, wind, the fact that my garage door opener rarely works on the first try, and the fact that I'm here alone right now just freaked me the hell out.

Naturally, I assumed that someone had snuck into the house and closed the door behind them in an effort to keep me out. I watched the windows for a while to see if I could see any movement and searched the area for a vehicle of some sort or anything out of the ordinary. Seeing nothing, I decided it was time to suck it up and reenter the house because I was probably overreacting. I looked for something to wield as I entered the house and settled on a bottle of Raid (bug spray that will sting the shit out of you if you come into contact with it). I wandered through the front of the house and opened all the doors and closets and such to check. I then proceeded to play pool for a while in an effort to seem casual and more vulnerable in an effort to lure out my possible attacker if they existed.

No one appeared. I have yet to explore the back of the house - and I think I'll wait until Eric gets home to do that. I realize that this probably sounds crazy and ridiculous paranoid, but I'm pretty ok with that. I would rather be safe and paranoid than completely ignorant and naive and put myself in danger. Not that going back into the house with a can of bug spray was my safest option, but at least I remain alert. For now, I'll keep my bug spray nearby.

In other news, I watched Yes Man tonight. Hilarious. Not all the way through, but there were definitely some parts that I found really really funny that made the rest worth watching. Plus Zooey Deschanel is in it and I just think she's tops.

Late night rendezvous?

2009-03-30T14:41:00.003+08:00

I love staying up late and listening to music and chatting with people online. I need to find the pipes to my hookah so I can set it up and go outside and enjoy the Florida spring nights with my laptop, hookah and beer. Nothing better. Those were some of my favorite nights in college. We had the best times, didn't we girls (and occasionally guys)? Though it usually was some silly girly drink and not beer. We should do that again sometime soon.

It's crazy that everyone has such different lives now. Having friends in the real world is actually a lot harder than it is in college or high school. I think part of it is that I no longer have a group of friends that all hang out together all the time. Back then it was like you call one person and it starts a chain and then you just all show up. Now I have to make 5x the effort to have the same effect. My irrational fear of calling people totally doesn't help things.

The good news is that I really do just enjoy sitting at home and chatting with people online or watching a movie or some stupid ass shit on TV. Tonight Eric and I watched Tough Love on VH1. Worst. Show. Ever. And of course by that I mean that I love it. Where else can you watch a bunch of skanky explaymates/models try to find true love but on reality tv? Apparently no normal people do reality television. I guess we're not interesting enough. (interesting = crazy)

In other news... I found a blackberry when I was out for Alicia's bachelorette last night. I totally buy into karma at least a little bit so thought that I would return it. So today I texted and called one of the person's friends and found out where she works and when I could drop the phone off and the guy I talked to promised to give her a heads up that I had the phone and was actually going to return it. Her reaction was priceless. I showed up at the bar that she worked at and she was just like "OH MY GOD! Can I hug you?!" Of course I was like ummm yes? So she gave me a massive hug and was really appreciative. All the guys behind the bar were like omg you're so lucky that someone gave that back to you! And gave me a free drink. I think it was totally all worth it. Random acts of kindness are fun.

Alright now that it's almost 4 am and I really haven't slept much in the past few days I suppose I should attempt to get some rest. Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital to talk to my grandmother's doctor and visit her... possibly my least favorite activity of my life. Oh well. I definitely want someone to visit me when I'm old and stuck in a hospital bed.

Karma better fucking exist.

Holy Crap!

2009-03-27T12:15:00.003+08:00

It's been ages since I've updated. I suppose it's because I haven't had too much to say or update on. I probably still don't have too much to say of any substance but I feel like writing.

Yesterday was a sad day. I've been living here in Jacksonville for almost 5 months now and I am sort of disgusted with myself for that. There are a lot of reasons for this but mostly it's because I've been amazed at my laziness and lack of drive. I'm in a funk and it's not good, but I've made some decisions lately that ensure that I won't be here forever. None that I'm really ready to share on such a public platform... but if I'm still here this summer then something is seriously wrong with me. None of that really has to do with why yesterday was a sad day, but is just pretty much how I've been feeling lately so certainly didn't help.

Yesterday was sad because everyone left. My dad has been here since late January and last week Renee, Sage and Zeb came to visit. A few days into their visit Eric drove in and my mom was sort of in and out of town during their stay. Yesterday everyone but Eric left. It was so good to see Renee and Sage again. I miss them terribly. I had a blast living in Shanghai with them and seeing them made me miss it a lot. They joke that everyone wants them to come visit so that they can see Zeb - and while he is really damn cute - I definitely wanted them to come to see them!! I think that I've grown a lot closer with all of my siblings these last few years and I love it. We were never really that distant or anything - and of course I was always the closest with Dave bc I lived with him my whole life - but I just feel much more attached and I miss them a lot more if a long period of time goes by without seeing them!

Thankfully, Eric is still here to keep me company for the time being. I'm horrible entertainment for him, but hopefully it will all work out. Dave said he might come visit next weekend which is exciting - I haven't gotten to see him much since I've been back bc he's some hot shot college kid... (not really... he's just in college but I like to blame it on that). He's currently in NYC visiting a friend (I hope you're taking good care of him!) and I'm slightly jealous. I wish I had some money to travel around and get the fuck outta here for a while again. I've actually started to miss the smell of airports and the strangeness of hotels. This fact is a sure sign that my life is fucked up.

I miss living in China and even living overseas. When I came back to the States there was a period of time where I wasn't sure that I was ready to leave and go oversease again but now that I've been back here for a while ... I realize that I miss the transitory lifestyle that I had established for myself. Renee's apartment in China was my home for a longer stretch of time than any one residence has been since I moved out of my parents' house. I've gotten used to moving every 4-6 months and while spending just over a year in one place was enjoyable... I sort of miss the excitement of moving and traveling. Of course... there is where the internal conflict takes over.

A huge part of me wants a cute little apartment that I can actually decorate without thinking about how I'll just have to move everything out and sell off most of it in 6-10 months. I want to be able to date someone without worrying about how it might affect my desire/plans to leave the place where I am. (This is not really something I worry about very much but it does keep me from actively dating.) Also I've decided that I definitely want kids. The husband thing is still a little iffy and I'm still not sold on the whole house idea but I do want kids. I used to swear that I would never have children but I've warmed to the idea and after getting the chance to play with babies lately I've pretty much decided that I'll have kids if Mother Nature allows it.

Also I want a dog. I always thought I was a die hard cat person but after living with a dog I'm not so sure anymore. Plus... I don't think I care much for the cat that I have now. I liked our previous cat much much more. (That's probably wrong but I don't really care) Don't get me wrong, I love my cat - I'd be sad if he died - he just annoys the shit out of me and I don't really feel like I get a whole lot back from him. Oh well.

I think this post is sufficiently depressing and disjointed so I am going to abandon it now. Hugs and kisses.

Hmmm...

2009-02-04T13:37:00.002+08:00

Things have been weird lately. I'm not sure if I'm depressed or just lazy or what. I've fallen into a bit of a funk here at home. Don't get me wrong, being here has been great for the most part. I had a fantastic holiday season with my brothers being here and going to New York with some of my favorite people... but since then? I'm completely unmotivated to find a real job and move on with my life.

Working part time and seeing my friends and family on a regular basis has been awesome, but it's definitely not what I want to do with my life! I haven't been able to come to terms with the thought of picking up and moving away again, but I also dread the idea of still being here in a year. I'm a little embarrassed to be living at home again - not that there is any shame in it - I just never thought that I would be doing it. I'm glad I'm here at this point, though. My dad's having more health issues and needs someone to be here with him while he goes through this and hopefully recovers. Actually, I think being here with him depresses me a little bit. He's not exactly an upbeat guy, but that's ok- I still love him.

At any rate, I'm totally over the whole Andrew thing. It's sort of nice to be single again - though I completely am horrible at meeting new people and even worse at dating! The good news is that I'm pretty ok with being on my own and am in no hurry to get into another relationship. Besides, there's no point in getting involved with anyone when I have no idea where I want to be in a year.

I've found a few jobs that look pretty much perfect for me - now I just have to get the desire to actually apply for them. Hopefully that motivation strikes me soon. First I want my dad to get a clean(ish) bill of health, though.

Here's hoping!

Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-03T07:27:00.002+08:00

OK so I know it's been a while since I've written, but I haven't had a lot to say.

I've actually been having a pretty good time since I've been back in the States! I'm recovering alright from the break up and I hardly think about it anymore. Andrew still comes up a lot but I'm not really that sad about it anymore. I've just been enjoying seeing my friends and family that I haven't spent much time with over the past year and a half and its been pretty great!!

My big brother, Eric, came down for Christmas and has been hanging out here at the house. We've been playing video games aplenty - which always makes me happy!! Plus Dave's here (younger bro) so it's been us three playing Guitar Hero World Tour and various other awesome video games. So yes - Christmas was great and on the 29th I left for New York City. I went with a group of pretty fantastic girls from high school/college and I had a great time. I just got back today and actually just woke up from a nap! I had to recover from going out at night and waking up pretty early for 4 days in a row- not OK!

NYC was great, though. I had it in my head that I could never live there for some reason and going there sort of convinced me that I definitely could if the right opportunity presented itself. It's definitely not a cheap place to live, but it's not nearly as expensive to feed myself and such that I thought it would be. I've definitely seen worse. Lesson learned.

New Year's was interesting and I think I've had better experiences but it was still pretty fun. I lost my cell phone at the bar, though. This was upsetting for 2 reasons: 1) I wasn't even drunk!! 2) I've never really lost anything before. It was a really cheap phone so I can't say that I was that upset about losing the actual phone - it was more just the fact that I lost it and that it made the next day extremely inconvenient because I had to walk around New York without a cell phone. This was problematic because I was staying at a different place than my friends - and because I didn't bring my watch on the trip. I got to talk to a bunch of strangers and ask what time it was all day - which was awesome!

So I'm definitely over my aversion to NYC and am looking forward for my next trip, whenever that may be. (Maybe soon if I apply for jobs up there!) I hope you all had as awesome a holiday as I did! :)

Thank you...

2008-12-05T12:10:00.002+08:00

I would just like to say thanks to all of your supportive comments, messages and thoughts. It means a lot that my friends are so quick to jump to my defense. I love all y'all!!!

It's so nice to be back in the States and with so many of my friends and family. I definitely miss those that I left behind and wish that I had more of an opportunity to see so many of the people in my life that I have met and befriended over the past 23 years. I miss so many people and feel terrible that I haven't done a better job keeping in touch and all of that. Hopefully I'll get to see most of you soon.

As for me... I'm doing alright. I'm handling the breakup better than my last, though I still am having bouts of depression and feelings of worthlessness and all that. Turns out - being dumped totally sucks. Oh wait... I knew that.

Life goes on though, and I'm excited about that. Work is good and even though I'm flat broke, I'm doing alright. Looking for a new job is proving to be exciting and terrifying. I'm curious to see what sort of positions I end up getting, if any! I think it's safe to say that I'm having a bit of a tough time of it right now, but I'm trying to stay positive and upbeat and all of that. So far it's working out OK. I haven't totally broken down yet or alienated any friends or family members so I figure I'm doing alright.

Alright well... work tomorrow so I guess I should get some rest. Thanks again and I'll try and post a more upbeat entry sometime soon!

Happy Fucking Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T14:43:00.003+08:00

Well it certainly wasn't the holiday I was expecting. Thanksgiving is usually such a happy time with turkey and other good food and family and maybe some friends. I thought this Thanksgiving would even be an especially happy one given that Andrew drove in last night which was an unexpected surprise. Oh but wait... as I found out tonight - he only came to Jacksonville to break up with me. Excellent surprise.

His reasoning? I'm not entirely sure. We haven't been fighting or having any major issues and while our relationship was by no means picture perfect, I was enjoying it and he says he was too. Oh and I had just done this little thing of moving back to the States to be with him.... hmmm... Oops. I won't say that I expected us to get married and have little children and live happily ever after - because honestly I wasn't really thinking about that. Things were good and I was having fun and that's all that I really cared about. Sure, we were heading in different directions, but I sort of always assumed we would just deal with that when the time came - however we best chose to deal with it. I've always been of the opinion that we never know how things will change and how we'll feel in the future so making decisions for our future selfs is always sort of pointless. Apparently, he thinks a little differently. He said something along the lines of he doesn't want to have to split all his attention between his work and me and he's just not ready for this sort of commitment yet.... so he's sacrificing me for his work. (I read this as I'm not worth the effort, of course - because I have my insecurities and when you boil it down that's basically what he's saying. I'm just not important enough to him.)

He actually said that he thinks he'll regret this decision and still loves me and it hurts him to do it and all that shit that I don't really care about anymore. Well, you know what? I'm so sick of being on guys' lists of regrets. Seriously... I've been hearing that shit since middle school. I guess it's better than being "that girl" - the bitch that he's glad to be rid of or is glad he stayed away from... but still. COME ON! SERIOUSLY!??! WTF?

I think he's making a mistake and I'm pretty confident that he'll realize it someday. Long distance wasn't a total piece of cake but we handled it pretty well and we're damn good together when we're in the same zip code. I understand where he's coming from but I just feel like what's the harm in giving it a shot? But no, instead he's running scared before anything can really go wrong - or right.

Sigh. I don't think it's really, truly hit me yet, but so far I feel alright. The fact that I'm pretty used to never seeing him helps things and also makes it feel normal that he won't be around anymore - which will probably prolong the whole realizing that I'm single again thing and therefor the grieving process. Yay... At any rate, I feel like a total moron about the whole thing. I never saw it coming and moved across the globe to be with him. I took a risk and it totally didn't pay off. I'll bitch and moan about it for a little while because I feel I'm entitled to complain a little and then I'll get over it and take this opportunity to move wherever in the world I fucking want to without having to worry about how it will make my boyfriend feel.

On a positive note, I got my old retail job back so I'm working and making a little money so I'll have some to move. I don't know when or where I'll be moving anymore though, which is terrifying and exciting. I have so many more decisions to make now!! UGH. Is it wrong that I'm just as upset about all my plans being ruined as I am about losing my boyfriend? Also, I hate that I'm not important enough for him to bother with. Frustrating. I'm not sure why this all makes me feel so ridiculous and stupid but it does. Dave (my younger brother) was awesome tonight, though. I'm really glad that he was here and able to talk to me down a little bit and watch cheesy Bond movies with me to make me feel a little better. Also, Amy's expletives and general anger at Andrew made me smile. I'm glad I have things to keep me busy over the next couple of days and I hope I don't break down completely at any time.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking hell cocksucker motherfucking son of a bitch. Sigh, I feel a little better now.

If you're in town and want to distract me... I will totally welcome it. If you're in Atlanta... sorry but I probably won't be moving there anytime soon. Change of plans.

Hope you all had a better Thanksgiving than I did.

A new day...

2008-11-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

I had forgotten how pretty sunrises and sunsets are. I'm currently watching the sunrise here on Whidbey Island in Washington state and it's just gorgeous. This whole area is. I've missed scenery like this. It's been a while since I've spent time by the ocean and amongst mountains so it's nice to see again. I also love that it's fall here so all the leaves are turning these fantastic colors and just littering the ground. Actually, this is the first real fall I've witnessed... How sad is that? We just don't have them like this in Florida and I can't say that Shanghai's fall is really all that nice. I realized the other day that this is the first fall that I've traveled. I've traveled in winter spring and summer but never fall. It's a shame actually because fall is a great time to travel (from what I've heard!).

I'm officially back in the U.S. and it still hasn't sunk in that I'm not going back to China. I'm a lot sadder about it than I thought that I would be, and surprisingly still freaking out! I've never done anything like this before. Moving to China was less of a big deal than moving to a place I would never have picked for myself for someone else's reasons to be with that person... Something I definitely never thought I would find myself doing. It's quite terrifying actually. My biggest fear is that I'll hate living in Atlanta. This scares me because if I hate living in Atlanta but things are going wonderfully with Andrew... this will be a huge problem. I'm trying not to think about it too much - but I thought a lot about it when everyone kept asking me "Why are you leaving China?" and I didn't have what I thought was a good enough reason. (It says something about my character that the answer "love" never even occurred to me until Faye said it - love never seemed like a good enough reason to turn my life upside down but things change I guess.)

My trip home wasn't terribly eventful except for one embarrassing misunderstanding. When I booked my tickets they said that I would be leaving Hong Kong at 00:55 and arriving in Vancouver at 05:15 - both on November 6th. I distinctly remember doing the math in my head and working out that according to this my flight was like 23 hours - but I decided to disregard this because I figured I was just messing something up. Turns out - I was right. The time was completely wrong and as a result I landed in Vancouver about 10 hours early. This was no big deal really except I had to stay the night in Vancouver which I wasn't planning on doing. In the end it was probably better for me because the next day taking the 2 shuttles to get from Vancouver to Seattle and from Seattle to the island... I don't think I would have been able to stand up had I done it all straight. I already arrived pretty wiped out. Regardless I was totally pissed when I got on the plane and it said we would be arriving at 8 p.m. I just wish I would have known so that I could have found a hotel on my own (probably for cheaper!) before I left. Eh well, it worked out OK.

It's gorgeous here with quaint little towns and amazing used bookstores! What I wouldn't give for an empty suitcase... Not like I don't already have enough books - it's an addiction really. Bailey went nuts when she saw me and she didn't attack my mom ( who I met up with in Seattle) which was a good start. So far everything is going smoothly - except for the rain! - and I'm having a great time! Zeb's just absolutely adorable and the fam is all good and happy. All in all it's been great so far and I'm excited for people to start waking up so I can go do stuff today! It's actually not raining so I'm excited to wander around a bit more. I'm still really jetlagged. I went to bed at around 11 but woke up at 3:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. While I was able to get pretty far in Mario on my DS, I didn't get a lot of sleep.

Mom and I are here for a day more or maybe two, then we're going to Seattle to see the city a bit. Neither of us have ever been so we're excited to wander around and see what all the hype is about. Then on the 12th I fly home! I'm really excited to see my friends from home again and to see my cat and my little brother... It will be weird staying at my house with no one else there, but I'll get over it!

I'll try and update again soon and post some pics of my time here.

Sadness...

2008-10-31T22:42:00.003+08:00

OK so it's been a while since I've updated. I haven't had too much to say other than OMG work is almost over and I'm leaving China!! That is all still very true... work has officially ended and I leave China in 5 days. Fucking nuts!

That however, is not why I wanted to update this. I am updating because I just finished watching Schindler's List and I just had to write something about. First of all... man am I glad that I was never in history class those days that this was shown. Fuck... I haven't cried that hard in like a year. Movies basically never make me actually cry, this movie however, fuck! I'm like sitting on my couch watching the end of the movie fucking bawling.

I don't really even know how to express exactly what it is that got to me about it. I think a big part of it was realizing how much life has been lost as a result of the Holocaust... and the strength of so many of the people. Schindler was impressive, and I wish more men were like him in the world, but the strength of so many of the Jewish people is pretty astounding as well. The lack of humanity in a lot of the guards was also enlightening- Jewish and SS.

I have a dim view of humanity in general I think. I don't really want to or mean to... it's just a result of looking at the world and what humans have done to each other. At the end of the movie it says that from the 1,100 Jews that Schindler saved, there are over 6,000 descendants. Imagine how many people those 6 million that were senselessly murdered would have brought to this world. And that's just the one genocide. I know in every story there are the famous men and women like Schindler and Rusesabagina that risk their lives to save as many as they can... but for each story like theirs there are so many more of the opposite. There are so many killers to each savior that its amazing that humans are still alive. At least there are people from the outside who are willing to step in and condemn these actions and put a stop to them. Funny how to the outside it's always so clear that what is being is done is wrong... but on the inside it seems like the right choice.

On a related note, I read the book "The Plot Against America" by Philip Roth this week. That was also a bit disturbing. Sometimes I forget just how anti-semitic America was back then. An anti-semitic America is not a topic you hear a lot about anymore so I wonder how many SS fans are still around. It would probably disturb me to know. But yes... thank God America finally did step in and fight against the Germans. I am not always a big believer in America fighting other peoples' fights, but when it comes to the slaughtering of thousands upon thousands of people... I fully support us stepping and stopping it. It's a shame that it's not always as "easy" as fighting and defeating a country's army.

Well that's enough depression for tonight. I'm really glad I finally watched the movie though. I'm also really glad that I chose to do it alone. Fuck the Nazis and all crazy people in this world who think that other people deserve to die or be persecuted just for being. Life is hard enough.

The Big Lebowski

2008-10-13T17:36:00.002+08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7662943.stm

A good article for anyone who is a fan of The Big Lebowski. Personally, I'm a huge fan and totally understand/appreciate its genius. I didn't realize it was a "cult film" until reading this article... but now I really want to find/start a Lebowski fest.

Some of the comments are really funny, too.

Counting down...

2008-10-13T10:04:00.002+08:00

I am totally getting ready for my return to the States. As the date of my return gets closer and closer, I get more and more nervous about coming back! It will be so strange to be living in the States again... especially in such a small town atmosphere like Jacksonville. Shanghai's insanely huge with just about 23 million (depending on which estimate you use it can go as "low" as 17 million, but I think that's less accurate) people living in one city. There are high rises and sky scrapers (the tallest in the world) and Pearl towers and all sorts of stuff that will be weird to be without.

As different as Shanghai is, and as many complaints as I have had about living here... it's been my home for the past year and I will definitely miss it. For my last couple of weeks in China I plan on seeing a bit more of it, and just enjoying being here. I think I will go see the Terra Cotta warriors and maybe go back to the Wall. I haven't been in 8 years and I remember liking it last time... Of course we'll see how much money I have to do that with!! Money sucks and I am totally not looking forward to getting a job, but I guess I'll have to suck it up. Working retail for the Christmas season will throw me right back into American culture, so at least there's that!

Frustrated!

2008-10-08T14:59:00.002+08:00

People keep calling the office and trying to talk to me in Chinese and I can't understand them well enough to answer their questions. I'll be able to answer a few but then can't figure out the rest of what they're saying!!! It's incredibly frustrating and I'm totally ready to return to a land where I understand the better part of what people are saying to me.

Also - I really want to move to a Spanish speaking country again. I miss speaking Spanish and now suck terribly at it. I'm confident that it would return to me if ever I were to speak it on a regular basis again. I can still understand much of what I read and can get my point across ok in writing, but speaking? Whole other story.

Running out of time!

2008-10-06T15:23:00.002+08:00

I officially only have 2 1/2 weeks of work left. I can't believe how quickly time is passing. In just 2 1/2 weeks my job will be over and Andrew will be arriving here in Shanghai. Our 2 year anniversary is that day so I think I'll take him out somewhere to celebrate. It will be a celebration of 2 years together and the end of this hellish episode of living on different continents. It hasn't been so bad, but I'm not sure I would want to do it again without a damn good reason. Who knows what life will bring, though!

I'm a bit concerned about getting a job back in the States, but I guess I'll just have to worry about that once I'm there. I figure I'll be able to get a job that pays enough to put a roof over my head and food in my gut. Beyond that, I can only hope! I'm pretty good at living within my means, so no matter what I'm not too worried. It's a shit time to be coming home, though. Damn American economy! I'll also be just missing all of the election hooplah. My absentee ballot still hasn't shown up... I might not be voting after all! (Still hoping it shows.)

I'm excited for the election to happen and be over and done with. I hope that Obama wins because I think I don't much care for McCain. I'm not much for war so I don't really like hawks. Either way, it will be interesting to see how the country changes over the next 4 years ... or doesn't. It's probably wrong to feel a sense of hopelessness with regard to our political system, but sometimes it hits me. The really sad part is I can't think of anywhere that has a perfect system. Or a perfect anything. Racism, violence, hatred, crap politics, etc., exists pretty much everywhere on our planet. Humans are an interesting species.

Anyway! I still have to buy my ticket home, but I hope to do that sometime soon. I think I'll still be arriving in Seattle on the 5th or 6th and then going back to Jax on the 19th or so. (November) I'll be there for the rest of November and probably all of December so I hope to get in some decent face time with anyone who's home for the holidays! I miss everyone and can't believe it will have been a year since I've been home. Maybe I'll post something more substantial sometime soon...

I'm an aunt! :)

2008-09-30T12:23:00.002+08:00

My sister had her baby!!! I haven't had a chance to talk to them yet, but thanks to Twitter and Facebook I know that I am officially an aunt. To a little boy named Zeb.

I can't wait to get back to the States and see the two new additions to my little world!! :)

WTF?

2008-09-24T11:51:00.002+08:00

I hate hotmail. I never use it, but I still have an account from ages ago that I periodically check. Apparently the Flroida McCain campaign somehow got ahold of it and has been spamming it like crazy... also I've somehow been added to the mailing list of an Afircan American dating site. My junk folder is filled to the brim with "Palin to speak in Tampa!" and "We hate Obama!" emails and "Meet Other Black People!!" messages. Perfect for me.

I'm neither a Republican nor black... so I'm pretty sure I never joined either of those mailing lists.

I guess that's what the junk folder is for.

Oh Florida...

2008-09-23T13:03:00.001+08:00

Check out this wonderful news story! This guy's from Florida, but it really could be anywhere in America.

http://www.mollygood.com/florida-man-gets-down-to-real-issues-20080918/

Please note that it says Muslin, not Muslim.

Just... yeah.

Scary Times Ahead...

2008-09-18T11:06:00.003+08:00

The news of all of the economic turmoil in America has me a little scared. For once, I'm glad that I don't have any stocks and not a whole lot of money tied up in banks. For the first time in a long time people are questioning their deposits in banks. Hopefully this doesn't lead to a rash of withdrawals that will deplete our banking system.

As I get ready to move back to the States, I can't help but worry about the economic situation there. Unemployment is rising and it seems that everything else is plummeting. Credit, which is pretty much the backbone of the American economy, is becoming harder to come by and businesses around the world are suffering for it. I keep hearing conflicting reports from all fronts. Some people are saying that we're approaching the next Great Depression while some people say that the US is bound to have recovered by the second quarter of 2009. Both reports are coming from respected economists from various parts of the world... Who to trust?

Plenty of people are just looking for someone to blame for this mess that we're in, but me? I just want someone to fix it. Personally, I'm pretty shocked and scared by the level of involvement of the public sector in the recent financial debacles. First the Fed basically gifts Bear Stearns to JP Morgan using taxpayers' dollars and now public funds are going to bail out AIG? Yikes. We're reaching hundreds of billions of dollars this year that have gone just to save companies' asses. I'm not saying that it was the wrong thing to do... but we better get used to the idea that our taxes will be raised next year. Obama's tax the rich policy is looking better and better to me. We have to pay for it somehow, and McCain's policies just don't seem to cut it for me. Sure the $115,000 extra Obama's plan promises to tax the wealthiest 1% of America is substantial - but the wealthiest 1% of America makes in the millions EVERY YEAR. And not just one or two million... usually 10 or 20. Frankly, I don't feel too badly for them. No one needs that much money.

I would also like to say that greed in the US is out of control. The (in)famous "Greed is Good" speech has been playing a lot in the US from what I hear. I disagree with that mantra whole heartedly. As any American, I definitely experience my fair share of greed, whether I want to admit it or not, but I don't complain about paying taxes and I think it's great when our government designates taxpayer money to the poor and underprivileged of our nation. Yes it's my money, but there are people who need it more than I. What pisses me off? Useless spending of my hard earned dollars on weapons, wars and white elephants.

Seriously??

2008-09-11T13:36:00.003+08:00

What is wrong with America? I truly cannot understand what Americans are talking about half the time with regard to politics. Lipstick? Seriously? Is that really what we need to be focusing on? Who the fuck cares? And why are we listening to them? It was a stupid thing to say on Obama's part because he should have known better than to think that people would react rationally to his use of a common saying. Next thing you know he'll be saying "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" with expectations that no one would think that this was a racist comment. I bet you that he would be wrong.

Americans can't seem to focus on the issues, and frankly, even when they do I have to wonder about their priorities. I get wanting to see values that you hold close to your heart present in a president... but why is it SO important that woman not be able to abort their babies under any circumstances that you are willing to ignore all of the other issues? Countless studies have come to the same conclusion - if the people from the Heartland voted according to their best interests economically and politically they should vote democrat (religion and "moral" issues aside). Middle America has been suffering because of their refusal to move away from voting with their church. I just really don't understand.

Also.. why is being well educated a bad thing?

I'm looking forward to the debates. I hope people actually listen to them this year.

Personality Tests

2008-09-09T14:05:00.003+08:00

I think almost everyone has taken at least one personality test in their life. One of the more common ones out there is the MyersBrigg. Well I remember taking it in high school and I'm pretty sure my score back then was ISTP. Then I took it in college a number of times and consistently got ENFP. The two are pretty different... and the best part is now I am firmly back to ISTP. Apparently my personality was completely different in college than it is now. This is good to know. Also, I do not have a unique personality. ENFP is almost 9% of the population and ISTP is about 5.5% of the population. These numbers may seem small... but they're not. I'm ok with that though because I read some of the rarer personality descriptions and decided that I don't necessarily want to be like that...

I've been researching personality tests and other things linked to psych lately so it's been fun to take random tests and see how I fare and fall in with the rest of the population. The good news is, I totally don't have schizpohrenia.

All alone...

2008-09-05T11:51:00.003+08:00

Sage and Bailey left yesterday for Seattle. This means that I am officially alone in Shanghai! No more family here, or cute dogs to keep me company. The apartment feels pretty weird without anyone in it... and knowing that they're not coming back while I'm here. It's bizarre...

Last night was therefore my first night alone in the apartment, which is always creepy for me. I've lived by myself before so I'm not too freaked out, but getting used to the noises that can no longer be explained by other people or a dog takes some getting used to. I should also probably stop watching shows about serial killers. I won't... but it would probably calm me down a bit. I was up until 4 last night because I was sort of on edge. I'm also sadder than I thought I would be about being here alone. After I saw Sage and Bailey off and walked back upstairs to the empty apartment it sort of hit me for the first time. Oh well... I will make the best of it! Not too much longer now.

I'm fast approaching my one year anniversary of my life in Shanghai! I'll have to do something to celebrate, like eat Shanghai dumplings and go to Yuyuan gardens or something. OK I probably won't go to Yuyuan, but I think I can do the dumplings thing.

I'm sort of sad that I'm missing the whole election time in the U.S. I bet it's amazing to see and to be a part of. I'm still working on registering for my absentee ballot, and it's really frustrating. I might have to find somewhere to print out a piece of paper and mail it back to the U.S. which could take forever. I don't understand why I can't just register at the local consulate. It's like they don't want us to vote! Maybe they think because this is China we're all turning communist. Or maybe just communist with Chinese characteristics.

Pigeons!

2008-09-03T10:15:00.002+08:00

At my office I sit facing a wall of windows. This means that I often look up and stare out the window when I am thinking or something interesting catches my eye. In so doing, I have often noticed flocks of pigeons flying together, seemingly in circles. Turns out, here in Shanghai there are pigeon trainers. These people train their groups of pigeons to stay together and to race other pigeon trainers' pigeons. So what I see is them practicing. I don't know the particulars... like what the prizes are or the exact rules of the pigeon numbers and formations, but I assume that there are some. I also assume that the prize is money, as I bet that they gamble on the outcome. I have seen a number of these pigeon trainers around the city actually, and once someone actually explained what they were, I noticed a few more. I can't say it's the weirdest thing I've seen since I've been here... but there's something a bit strange about training pigeons to fly together in circles in a race against another group of pigeons also flying in a circle. Maybe that's just me.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being...

2008-08-27T10:17:00.002+08:00

Recently I read the book, the Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. I really enjoyed this book and it was one of my new favorites. It's not exactly a light read but it's entertaining and relatively easy to get through. I won't bore you with a synopsis here... because the main point of me writing this post is to post something that I wrote in a notebook after reading the book. I reread what I wrote the other day and decided that I wanted to share it... So here it is!

"If we have only one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all."

I'm not sure how much I agree with this quote, and I doubt Kundera truly felt this way, but it certainly brings up a lot of questions. He makes some valid points... Why bother to live your whole life learning lessons and knowing what you would do with a second chance if you will never be presented with a chance to apply your newfound sagacity? What's the point? Why must we toil here on earth to die only knowing what we would have done better or what we don't necessarily regret? It would make more sense to reenter the world and have a chance to undo your regrets and redo your greatest joys with the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate them more. I'm sure many people leave this world with few or no regrets, but who doesn't wish they had enjoyed certain parts of their life a little more or wouldn't change a single thing about the life they lived? I'd wager not many. I can't help but feel that countless people have figured out the key to a happy and successful life on their deathbed - either at peace at last, or deeply saddened by their inability to put it to use. The bitch of it all is that I don't believe there is a universal key to happiness and a good life... each person has their own. Figuring yours out on your deathbed is not only useless to you, but also to the world around you. Life can be pretty cruel, I think.

Remember... that was written in a notebook so it's not the most coherent writing but I don't feel like redoing it. I still agree with what I wrote, and while I certainly don't agree that we might as well not have lived at all, I agree that it does seem slightly cruel to only have one shot at life. Sure we can apply some lessons learned to later situations in life, but what about those lessons learned that never find a place again in our life? What good did they really do us? Wouldn't you rather just have the chance to not make that mistake in the first place?

Just something to think about... or not...

A 6th sense...

2008-08-21T17:47:00.002+08:00

Ever just know that something is going to happen? I get this feeling a lot, and while sometimes it's just my paranoia getting the better of me, often I'm right. As a result, I try listen to my instincts and intuitions when I get one of these "feelings". I figure it's better to be safe than sorry. This morning, however, I didn't. Early on in the cab ride I realized that things weren't going to go well. I was sitting in the back being thrown about as the cab driver slammed on his brakes to avoid the other car... and then pulled up alongside it and rolled down his window to yell at the other driver. They screamed at each other for a few minutes and then we continued driving to my office. We almost made it, too. About 3 blocks from my office I feel the car lurch forward. I look behind me and there is a rather large van smashed up against the back of the taxi. No, this was not the same car. This was an entirely unrelated incident that happened maybe 7 minutes after our earlier incident.

I sort of just sighed, having known that something was bound to happen on this particular taxi ride, got out of the car and walked to work. It wasn't anything terrible or tragic, thankfully, just annoying. The main reason I felt like sharing this was because I knew before it happened that something was going to happen on that taxi ride... This is the third accident I have been in the vehicle for in less than 10 months. That's just shameful.

How is it that time passes so quickly?

2008-08-20T16:15:00.002+08:00

Seriously.... I can't believe it has almost been a week since I last updated. I also can't believe that it is already August 20th. I have less than two months left of work... and about two and a half months before I will be in Seattle.

I have decided that the absolute last day I will work is October 21st. Andrew arrives on October 22nd and I want my time to be free to spend with him and enjoy Shanghai a little before I leave.( I'm also determined to make the nursery and apartment look awesome before I abandon the apartment, which will take time.) While he is in Jingdezhen I will probably try and do a bit of traveling around China. I want to make it out to Xi'An to see the terra cotta warriors... and I want to go to Chengdu to see the pandas. I also want to go to Yangshuo, Kunming, and a variety of other little cities I have heard good things about. I have also decided that the day I will leave China is November 5th. I plan on buying my ticket soon so that I cannot talk myself into staying longer... which is a very real possibility.

I really like living here. There are certainly times where it is exhausting and all I want is to be able to hop in my car and drive to the grocery store and drown myself in all the food that I can't get here, but for the most part I like it. It's not as easy as living in the States or somewhere that speaks a language that I am familiar with, but it's not impossible either. I worry that I will be bored out of my skull when I return to the States. There is just so much going on here... there's always something to see or something to talk about. I know for a fact that for the rest of my life a lot of my sentences will start with "In China," "When I was living in China," etc... same goes for any other place that I have lived or will live in the future. It's part of living abroad, and while people will probably come to hate me for it... I'm warning you now. I have been told by others that have lived here and returned to their homeland that it annoys the shit out of their friends after a while, and I'm a little apprehensive about this... but I trust that my friends will embrace and accept me for who I am... Now picture my voice shaking and my knees quaking a little while I say that.. That's better.

Maybe once I'm in Atlanta I can push the "play" button on my life. Lately I find myself playing the "When I..." game that I hate playing. I've never been someone to put off shit until someday or some future goal that I'm unsure is actually attainable or whatever. I'm used to doing what I want... and I hate this limbo shit. I'm looking forward to not having anymore excuses. Now if I could only figure out what the hell it is that I want to do with my life, I would be set!

In other news... the English class that I was teaching twice a week at a cafe was canceled. A part of me is sad about this because that class let me meet a lot of new people and I really enjoyed the students... but another part of me is glad to have those two nights a week back. I really didn't put as much into the class as I should have or even wanted to because I simply don't have the time or energy to dedicate to it. Working full time during the day and teaching 4 nights a week takes a toll... but now that's over and I have free time again! It will be a nice change I think.

Also.. a big change for me is that Renee left for Seattle! She left on Monday morning and will not be back to Shanghai until December 1st or so. I was sad to see her go, and will miss her, but I'm excited for her! I'm definitely set on throwing her a post-birth baby shower that will kick ass. I'll prove myself to be a good sister yet! (I hope..) So for now it is just me and Sage in the apartment, which hasn't been awkward yet and I hope that keeps up. There's no reason that it should be... we just haven't spent a whole lot of time alone because you know.. he's my sister's hubby so she's always been there. I'm not worried, though. He leaves the 4th and is taking the dog to go and stay with Renee and baby, so I'll be alone after that. I'm anxious to see how I'll fare without them here. Hopefully nothing goes horribly wrong!

I'm excited to be an aunt!! :)

A different kind of literacy?

2008-08-15T11:28:00.003+08:00

This has nothing to do with China. I will blog about China again soon, but I want to sort of pose this question to you all. Your thoughts are appreciated because I'm genuinely curious what your take on this is.

There was an article in the NY Times recently titled Online, R U Really Reading? that sort of outlines the debate of whether or not reading online is really reading. The article itself is nothing groundbreaking, but the topic in general and a lot of the comments were sort of interesting. The gist of the article is that children are growing up reading articles online, blogs, facebook, texts, and stories written on sites like quizilla.com and fanfiction.net rather than actually reading books. Some parents and teachers think that it's great that at least the students are reading and writing... but then there's the counterargument that what they're doing is not really reading or writing.

There was also an article a while back in the Atlantic with the title Is Google Making Us Stupid? Both of these articles argue that we read very differently online than we do when we are reading a book, and that this may be affecting our ability to read. In the Atlantic article, the author says that he has a harder time sitting down and enjoying a long book now as a result of spending so much time browsing online. It is true that the internet can be very distracting, and is not exactly helpful for people with a short attention span. I find myself often skimming articles instead of fully reading them, and bouncing about a lot from page to page. It's rare that I will spend an hour reading something online without flipping to facebook or a blog or clicking on one of the links in whatever it is that I am reading (generally there is an abundance of links either within the body of the text that I am reading, or surrounding it).

While it may be true that we are living in a digital era, and our ability to effectively sift through a massive amount of information online is much more valuable in the professional world than the ability to sit and absorb a 1,000 page book, I still can't help but agree that these children who don't know the joy of picking up an actual book are missing out on something great. Obviously, it would be even better if they were reading authors actually worth reading, but frankly, I would rather see people reading Danielle Steel and the ilk than getting their only exposure to the written word via a site like quizilla. I've spent some time on this site and fanfiction to see what it is the kids are talking about. I wanted to actually do some research before rushing to a conclusion... but I can't say I really like what I found.

Truth be told, some of the stories have amazing potential... especially considering the age of some of the authors. However, they are desperately in need of proofreading and editing. There are so many spelling and grammatical errors in those stories that it's a bit shameful that these kids are in their last couple of years of high school. I don't even mean typos... I mean blatant errors. Using seen, as in "I seen it" and starring instead of staring... every other line. Some of the writers seem to not realize that you're is in no way the same as your and that there are in fact, three different there's (there, their, they're). I'm exceptionally critical of bad spelling and grammar... and I know that I fuck it up often, and I always hang my head a little when I look back and realize my mistake. My blog is not exactly a shining example of how to write... what with the ellipses that don't fit in and the incomplete sentences and awkward sentence structures. I know that I'm not the greatest writer, nor do I pretend to be. I don't proof my stuff until after it's published most of the time, so inevitably it is loaded with errors since all of my blogs are in the stream of consciousness style. I write whatever pops into my head, and I don't think in grammatically correct sentences.

Having said that, I would never want someone to read my blog as their sole source of literature. To me, this is unacceptable. I think there is a lot to gain from reading a book that you can't necessarily accomplish while reading something online. Aside from the fact that an actual book is edited and therefore much more enriching to a student's ability to distinguish good grammar from bad, it's also hard to really get swept up into a story online and to spend hours reading it. The NYT article points out that children's reading comprehension levels are at an all time low, and I hate to admit that I fully agree that it is because most children don't read nearly as much as they used to. Even my generation, a lot more people read online versus reading a printed book. It's a whole new argument if whether or not reading Shakespeare in print varies from reading it online... one that I would like to see made and tested.

I've always loved reading books. I grew up reading all the time, and I still read every chance I get. Sometimes, I don't have the time, patience or the energy to throw myself into a book, but it's still a time that I relish and I can't get into reading novels on a screen. However, I prefer online articles to actual magazines or newspapers. They're easier to read and I can immediately do more research and delve a little deeper into the topic, especially since many such articles come equipped with a bevy of links to similar articles and sources. Lately, I've also come to appreciate some of the stories on quizilla, despite their flaws, because they offer a fresh source of literature from an unlikely source. Blogs are also something that I immensely enjoy reading for this same reason. I like that I can read ordinary people's work and don't have to rely only on the great minds' of the world for my written entertainment. Which is better? It's hard to say...

The Atlantic article's author says that he has a harder time losing himself in a big, thick, book these days. Spending so much time online is affecting his attention span and his ability to settle into a book. Honestly, I have found the same to be true for me. The more I read online and the more I neglect my printed books, the harder it becomes to sink back into them. If I pay equal attention to both and make sure that I am still reading on a regular basis, my reading habits remain relatively unaffected. What does this say? You could argue that my reading material is to blame, or my laziness, but I'm not so sure. At any rate, these articles are thought provoking. I don't fully agree or fully disagree with either one. I think it's important for our youth to be able to read online, but I also think it's important for them to be able to read a good, old-fashioned book. I hope the book never goes out of style... I will never grow tired of cracking a new cover and listening to the pages rustle as I turn the page. Putting down a finished book is satisfying in a way that closing the browser window will never be for me.

My birthday!

2008-08-12T17:36:00.002+08:00

Today's my birthday! I'm turning 23. No, I don't feel any older.. the main thing is that I can't believe it's only been a year since I moved to China... and I can't believe it's already been a year. I don't even remember my 22nd birthday... it feels like a lifetime ago - which is troubling.

At any rate, today has been pretty great so far. I woke up and was greeted with phone calls from my grandparents and my mom, as well as cheery birthday greetings from Renee, Sage and Bailey (even though she's a dog.. I could feel the birthday love). Then I got some emails and some facebook messages and IMs... all of which made me smile and think how much I love my friends!! Work was pretty mellow, too, which was nice.

Andrew forgot my birthday, of course. I was anticipating this, so wasn't that upset when it happened, as he forgot his own birthday just a week ago. I told him he better be thankful that I am his girlfriend and not some girl that would go crazy about it. I won't say that I don't care that he forgot, because it is sort of annoying... but I just don't care enough to let it really bother me or make a big deal about it. I was expecting it, so it was relatively easy to just brush it off. If we're living together next year and he forgets, though, I'll hurt him. Just saying.

To celebrate, Renee and Sage are taking me out for dinner tonight, though I don't know where. They want to surprise me! I'm excited for a dinner out... it's been a while since I've hung out with them actually. Right after I got back from Australia they left for Beijing so it's been like 3 1/2 weeks since we've spent any real time together. Renee leaves on the 18th, too, so we don't have too much time left to hang out! It will be sad to go from living with her to never seeing her again. Oh well, such is life as a member of my family.

Thanks to those that gave me birthday wishes. I love my friends!! They're the best.

A Bloody Fantastic Day

2008-08-09T20:04:00.003+08:00

Seriously. Today has been great. Renee and Sage are in Beijing until tomorrow so I have the place to myself. I love living with them and will be eternally grateful to them for letting me live here, but damn it's nice to be alone sometimes.

The low point of my day was being awoken at 8:30 this morning by Andrew calling me. He thought it was Friday (yes, he still forgets that there is a 12 hour time difference and I am ahead those 12 hours). After getting in numerous arguments over the past almost year (fuck!) about me being the one to always call him and me being pretty much fucking fed up with his excuse that he thinks about me all the time but just forgets to contact me... he set an alarm on his phone to call me M-F at 8:30 am. During the work week, this is fine. From 8:30 to 9 is when I am getting dressed and preparing to leave, so I have a bit of time to say hello how are you and do the obligatory I love you and I miss yous. The problem is that his M-F is slightly off from mine... His Monday is my Tuesday and his Friday is my Saturday. This alarm has been in play for 3 weeks, and for 2 of those weeks he has forgotten and called me on Saturday morning.

The last time it happened, we were all awake, thankfully. I wasn't this time so it sort of pissed me off and then he had nothing to say so it pissed me off even more that he woke me up at 8:30 on a Saturday with nothing to say. For some reason it also bothered me that he made a conscious decision not to watch the opening ceremonies even though he "has watched every one since he was born." Don't ask me why this bothered me, I couldn't tell you. I will tell you, though, that I am incredibly fed up with long distance. I've had it up to here *waves arms way over head* with long distance. Not because we're arguing a lot or anything... I'm just not a "distance makes the heart grow fonder" kinda gal. I just feel single again. The sort of sad part is that my love life right now is exactly like it was when I was single. I was never a girl that dated. No one ever asked and I was ok with that most days. I developed crushes because they're fun and sometimes I'd chase guys just for the hell of it, with no idea what I would actually do if I got them. I never got them, and I'm a bit of a prude, so I wasn't getting any. Yep... it's about the same.

Back to my day... After getting off the phone with him, I decided to shake it off, make some eggs and watch some Olympics. After breakfast, I took Bailey out and she was really quick which was a nice change since lately she's been lying down outside the door refusing to reenter the building until we run around some more. I finished the chicklit book I've been reading, and decided I was in the mood for more of the same so picked up Bridget Jones and read that. Then I put on Bridget Jones 2 (the movie) and walked/ran on the treadmill for an hour, lifted some weights and did some headstands and stretches.

I've either gained a lot of weight recently or have just become more aware of the fact that I am overweight. Either way, I've decided to stop some bad habits and work on developing some better ones. As of tomorrow, I am swearing off soda. This will be hard for me. Not because I am in love with soda (though I sort of am), but because the idea of not being allowed to have it will drive me nuts. It's for my own good though. Remind me of that when I bitch later about not being able to drink it. I have never dieted or had a real exercise regimen before in my life, but I figure it's about time. I'm only going to get fatter with age so might as well start trying to control that now. (Please note that this is not a plea for compliments. I don't give a fuck if you think I'm skinny, fat, pretty or pretty ugly. No offense... but 85% of the time I don't care what I look like and even less of the time do I care what I look like for the sake of other people. It happens, sure. Just not that often.)

Anyway, working out felt great. I feel weird walking on the treadmill and doing weights and stretches and shit with Renee and Sage in the same room. I don't mind going to the gym, but I sort of prefer to do it in my own living room, by myself. So with them out of town, I had to take advantage of the fact that I have a completely free Saturday and an empty house! I worked out for like two hours and it was magnificent.

After that I decided to do some light cleaning, so I did the dishes, did some laundry and just tidied up some stuff. Despite the fact that I am definitely not the tidiest person in the world, I do really enjoy cleaning. Not all the time, but I get the cleaning bug a lot where I just feel the need to scrub something and to reorganize my closet and wipe down my ceiling fan and do all sorts of other random crap. Considering the fact that my room was always a fucking disaster zone when I was a teenager, this is remarkable and something that my family still doesn't buy. Sadly, living here has deprived me of my ability to have my cleaning binges, because we have an ayi so I feel stupid cleaning up when we're already paying someone else to do it. Plus, this is still Renee and Sage's house so I don't feel as free to just rearrange and tidy up their stuff as I would in a house that was mostly mine or I at least paid rent in. (I've offered many times...) Since they're coming back tomorrow, though, I decided it would be nice to clean up since the ayi won't be here until Monday and I don't want them coming home to a dirty house.

I put on some music, grabbed the dish soap, and danced around in my underwear and a skimpy tank while doing the dishes. It was nice not to have to get fully dressed in honor of the other people in the house. I miss the days when I was able to just walk around in a bra and shorts and feel ok about it. Renee isn't like that though, and since I'm living with her and her husband, I feel it's weird to just walk out in my bra. Today there was no fear of having to rush to my room to put some clothes on when someone came home, so I proudly danced around rather indecently and tidied up the house. It was glorious.

It's only 9 p.m. on a Saturday, and I have no plans for tonight. Sometimes I think it's rather sad just how much I enjoy being home alone on a Friday or Saturday night. Randomly I will feel compelled to go out, but to be honest, a small part of me is thrilled when there are mounds of dishes for me to do or cooking to be done at home so that I can pretend to be busy and not have to go anywhere. On that note:

Signs that you may be lame:

1) You constantly find excuses not to go out partying when people ask you.

2) You aren't that sad when people stop asking.

3) You look forward to being home alone so you can dance around in your underwear and do the dishes.

4) A good weekend is one where you don't leave the house or talk to anyone, but get a lot of sleep and read a lot.

5) I think you get the point.

If you, too, suffer from lameness and would like to talk to someone about it, call me at 1-800-IMLAME2. Just don't call on Friday or Saturday nights. I will be terribly busy doing dishes or reorganizing my closet or reading a book or something equally interesting. Speaking of which, the washing machine's beeping...

The Olympics...

2008-08-08T22:27:00.004+08:00

I am currently watching the Opening Ceremonies!!! I can't believe the Olympics are already here... Currently the USA delegation is walking across the screen and I can't believe how many fucking people we have. Most countries have well under 200 people and we have almost 600. Of course, I think we compete in almost every event. I never really paid attention to the fact that there were countries that came to the Olympics with only one or two athletes before. I also never realized how few women there are from most countries. Watching this ceremony, however, I realize that we are definitely the exception.

I don't think that I will be going to Beijing to see any events there, but I do think I will try and get tickets to some of the soccer games that are taking place here in Shanghai. On Sunday I went to the USA vs. Russia expo game here in Shanghai. It wasn't the best game I've ever seen, but the halftime show was really freaking cool, and we did win.

The most exciting part about having that game here and the USA vs. Australia game is that the teams were all staying at a hotel near me. (The Ritz in the Portman building) This is the same place as the Starbuck's that I meet my student in, so I got to see Team USA and Team Russia. I saw all the players up close and realized how fucking tall they really are. I also spoke to Jason Kidd. I'm not going to lie, I don't pay attention to players. I love watching sports, but I don't care enough to find out people's names and memorize their faces. Therefore, I had no idea who he was when I spoke to him, I just knew he was a player. It was a brief conversation, and I did not ask for any autographs from any of them because I couldn't give a shit if I have their signature or not. It was just cool to see them.

The shit part is that they had really increased security in the hotel. The Starbucks doesn't have a bathroom so you have to go into the hotel lobby... and to get into the hotel lobby I had to go through a metal detector and put my bags through a scanner. When my bags came out the other end, the guy wanted to open the spaghetti sauce I had literally just bought at the grocery store in the same little complex. I basically said, "No. I just bought this next door. Here's the receipt." The guy let me go without opening my spaghetti sauce. I'm not sure what just opening it would have done anyway. What was he going to do? Sniff it and declare that everything's good because it still smells like tomatoes? Anyway, I just had to take a piss and I wasn't about to let him open my $6 bottle of spaghetti sauce for that. I would rather have left.

Security in general in China has gone a little nuts. There have been so many changes here. It's hard to explain and I can honestly say that you have to live here to really understand, but suffice it to say that they are taking no chances. At least on the surface. I really hope nothing goes wrong this Olympics. I can't tell you how devastating it would be to China to have some massive terrorist attack on something public here during the Olympics. I think they happen relatively frequently here, just not in Shanghai or Beijing. They're not letting anyone on buses or subways without checking their bags first though. Getting around in Beijing is probably a bit of a bitch right now if you want to take public transport. The roads are really empty, though, from what I have heard. They took like 90 percent of the cars off the road.

The level of control here is truly amazing. The fact that they can shut down factories and demand drivers to empty the roadways without offering any real alternative or monetary compensation (which they don't) is pretty amazing. They have shut down a lot of retail outlets that they feel are in vulnerable positions, like in the subways, in order to reduce security threats. The restaurants behind the Portman were closed while the basketball teams were here because they shared an entryway with the courts where the players practiced.

At any rate, with all of this preparation I really hope that China can pull this off. I think they can... One story that made me laugh recently though was the uproar over four American cyclists arriving in Beijing with masks on. Chinese people were really offended by this for some reason. I would just like to say that even though, yes, the pollution in Beijing is the best it's been in a while.... there is still a lot of pollution. Despite what Chinese people like to think... it does affect you. Especially if you're continuously exerting yourself outside. I know a lot of people who have developed coughs here or have problems with their asthma due to the air quality. Also, there are a lot of Chinese people who wear masks, though come to think of it, I have seen a lot fewer these last couple of months.

The weather in Shanghai has been great!! I have been able to see clouds, the sky has had different shades of blue as well as a few other colors peeking through at sunset, and I have been able to clearly see the moon for the past few days. I'm not sure what they're doing, but it's working. It's still obviously polluted, but it looks a lot better.

Well, that's all I have to say for now I think. I am really excited to watch some events and to see how the US does. For the first time in a long time it slightly matters to me how the Olympics turn out. The last time I remotely pretended to care was when they were in Atlanta, and that was only because my sister was living in Atlanta at the time. Here's hoping I can get some soccer tickets and get a chance to actually go to a real 2008 Olympics game!!! It should be a fun couple of weeks.

Chinese Media

2008-08-08T13:25:00.008+08:00

Alright Ronnie, here's your post. Honestly, since I don't speak or read Chinese my ability to address the issue of Chinese media is rather limited. I know that what is available to the expatriates and the people who are able to speak English is at least marginally better than what is available to the average local. I also get the feeling that the countryside media is even more restricted than it is in the big cities where there is a lot of international influence.

Please keep in mind that I'm in no way an expert on this stuff since I can't read Chinese, and in general Chinese news sort of sucks so I don't pay a lot of attention to it. What I can tell you, is that the state definitely controls all the media outlets here.

You've heard me talk about the internet, but what you may not realize is that this is a main source of news for a lot of people. Not just outside news sources, which are often not in Chinese and therefore inaccessible to the large majority of Chinese people, but mainly blogs and message boards. People are still cautious, and I think probably quite a few blog anonymously, but blogs are definitely a growing source of news for people. Even me! I don't watch the news here or read the local papers that are run by the governments, I read the blogs. The expat blogs are pretty informative because they do the research on outside sites, and get tips emailed to them from people actually living here and witnessing things (Chinese and expats). This sometimes causes confusion and we often have to guess at whether or not something is true, but this is true for the national media as well.

I looked on the Shanghai Daily and China Daily (two main papers here) to see if I could find any word of Bush's speaking out against China, and I found only tales of how he has arrived for the opening ceremonies. The news here is heavily and openly biased. At least the Chinese don't pretend that they aren't tweaking the stories or blocking the ones they think will cause a bit of unrest.

If stories like the Bush comments do happen to appear in the press, it is usually under the guise of a critique of the other countries. How dare they accuse us when.. blah blah blah. To some extent, I understand this. Chinese nationalism is intense and people really band together and get a bit riled when someone from another country shows bias against China, so in a way this is really the purpose of a state controlled media. It works like a charm, too. A few months ago there was a boycott of CNN and a lot of protesting against Western media in general when one of the CNN reporters bashed China in his reporting. I remember even seeing an old Chinese man protesting in Chinatown in San Francisco. Granted, it was a bit on the iffy side of journalistic integrity since he completely abandoned his supposedly objective view and gave a more emotional report than was probably warranted, but still. Sometimes I want to just say "Suck it up and take it, people."

We definitely have censorship and a bit of shielding going on in the United States. Our media is not exactly the most reliable in the world, but at least we have access to millions of different outlets if only we look and make a slight effort. Our ignorance is our own damn fault. I actually talked about this topic a bit in one of my English classes. I tried to explain the theories of propaganda (btw the Chinese word for propaganda is the same as marketing... they don't view it as a negative) and bias in the news to my students, I think they got it for the most part. They tend not to really view it as negative, which is interesting. They're also still inclined to believe what they see and hear on the news, which is surprising.

What's funny about people is that often when someone points at us and says, "Your government does this and it's bad", our gut reflex is to say, "Oh yeah?! Well look at yours!" I don't feel this way about everything, but when one of the students told me that all American media is wrong and distrustful I got a little defensive. Later, I thought to myself, "What the hell? Where did that come from? I know our media is biased and not entirely reliable." Even though under normal circumstances I am perfectly willing and able to accept criticism of my country, at this point, when a Chinese person made a comment about American media... I couldn't help but think, "Oh yeah?! Well look at yours!"

I have been in some tense situations where Chinese people ask me what I think about "Western China" and the protests and everything. In all honesty, I think we're all incredibly misinformed about everything and no one really knows what the hell is going on over there. China kicked out all the foreign journalists and restricted entry and exit to the area until very recently, so how would we know? Add in the fact that there are two sides to every story and I am not entirely sure who is right and who is wrong. Don't misunderstand me, what has happened there with regard to human rights is unacceptable under any circumstances, I'm simply referring to the whole autonomy aspect. (BTW did anyone else see this Story)

Having said all that, I can't help but feel that the Chinese are more uninformed (and misinformed) than the rest of the world. During the protests, nothing negative against China was broadcast here. There were reports of the monks acting out against the Han, but not vis a versa I remember watching reports on the news of various successful torch runs all throughout the world... no, or very fleeting, clips of the protesters. There has been no mention of the human rights issues in Darfur that I have seen, other than defensive reactions to events like Steven Spielberg refusing the attend the opening ceremony.

A good example of blatant censorship is the movies... movies that display an anit-China sentiment or anticommunism are banned. Movies like this, as well as any with any nudity or excessive violence, are illegal to produce here in China. Shanghai even recently refused to let a movie film here because it thought that the portrayal was too negative. Thanks to bootleg DVDs all of this gets in anyway, but you won't find it in a Chinese theater or released legally in China. I'm pretty sure the same rules apply to the news. It's not like in America where you actually hear about the gross human rights abuse against Iraqi soldiers carried out by American troops. However, the games are sort of opening China up a bit. Wikipedia, BBC news, and a bunch of other sites (blogspot!) that were previously blocked are now unblocked. There are still a lot more that I wish they would unblock to make my life easier, but it's slowly improving.

Maybe we'll live to see an open China. Hell, maybe we'll live to see an entirely open United States of America. Who knows. The people here that I've spoken to think that it's a positive thing that the government controls what information they have access to. They're all about control. We must control the people in order to keep them happy. Right?

Facelift 2

2008-08-07T12:05:00.003+08:00

So... even though I didn't hear anything negative... I thought that the black and purple theme didn't quite suit me. This one seems to fit me a little bit better and I think it's easier to read, so I think I'll stick with this one.

Also, I think I'm going to do some posts about China. Despite me living in China, I don't write about it very often, and usually only when I have something to bitch about. I'm probably doing a bit of a disservice to China by doing that, so I am going to attempt to fix that.

Anything you guys would like to hear about from my time in China? Or just about China?

Facelift

2008-08-06T18:35:00.001+08:00

Obviously, I changed the way my blog looks.... What do you guys think? Is it too hard to read now?

Honestly!! Respond!

Back in Shanghai: Part 2

2008-08-06T08:03:00.003+08:00

OK I'll pick up where I left off in my last entry, which is... Sunday! In the morning, we took the ferry from where Ronnie and Kristina live into the city. It was a cool way to see some of the suburbs as well as the city, and they pointed out some different areas and we talked about the ridiculously nice houses that we will all, surely, someday own....

The one thing that I really enjoyed, which everyone probably thought I was a bit crazy for, was the sky. Seriously, I don't remember it looking like that. There were seemingly hundreds of shades of blue during the day, and really varied cloud formations, not to mention the colors that appeared during the sunrises and sunsets. It really made me sad that I couldn't remember if the sky looks like that back home. The last couple of times I went home I don't remember it looking like that, but maybe each time I forget, or maybe Australia's just better. I'll have to pay more attention next time I return to the States. Oh! I saw the moon last night though!!! I don't think I had seen the moon since I got here. I guess turning off all the factories has helped a little because we're having a lot more "blue sky" days now... and I saw the moon! No stars though, that would be asking too much.

Back to Sunday... After we stepped off the ferry I got to see a bit of downtown Sydney. Unfortunately, it started raining soon after we got off, so we pretty much walked straight to a restaurant. We were all really hungry, though, so it wasn't a bad thing. Lunch was awesome, and then we continued to walk around and went to one of the local department stores, Myer, and some other shops in a search for various things. I bought some cute baby clothes for my little niece or nephew and Kristi bought a jacket because it was fucking cold outside. Then we found our way to the harbor again, where Kristi's dad had planned a harbor cruise for everyone.

The cruise was pretty much awesome. We had all just gotten in and taken a seat when this guy comes up to our table and started doing card tricks. At first, I was sort of like umm who let you on the boat? Turns out, he was extremely good, and worked on the boat. There were two, but one was noticeably better than the other and could do hypnotisms. He hypnotized three people while we were on the boat with very amusing results. I'm not sure how much I buy into all of it, but I'm less of a skeptic than I was before. I guess the key is you have to believe you're under his power... which is a bit creepy for me. I don't like the idea of doing that, especially in front of a crowd. At any rate, we all drank and were merry and enjoyed the antics of the magicians and their card tricks.

After the cruise, we decided to head to Star City Casino for a little fun. We started off not gambling but then decided to play a little bit. I decided that I would lose 20 dollars playing slots. It took me all night, but damn it I did it! I probably could have at least doubled my money if I had played a bit smarter, but since I started with so little and was playing the one cent machines there wasn't a whole lot to be won. It was a lot of fun, though, and Sophie was my good luck charm because as soon as she left I lost the twenty bucks I had been clinging to all night.

Staying out late at the casino would come back to bite me and Kristi in the ass since we were determined to go on a wine tasting tour in Hunter's Valley the next day. We had to wake up at close to 6 (Kristi let me sleep a little longer bc she's nice) to be in the city by 7:30 to catch the bus with Ronnie's family. The morning was really rough. We were exhausted, and Kristina was dizzy for some reason, and the driver wouldn't let us sleep!!! He kept getting on the microphone to tell us ridiculously random and pointless facts about our surroundings, which caused us to not be able to get much sleep on the two hour trip to our first winery. As the day went on we felt better though, and I am definitely glad that we went! I didn't fall in love with any of the wines, but there were a few I enjoyed, and I definitely liked some of the dessert wines and liqueurs. The last place we went had this awesome butterscotch schnapps ("Love in a Bottle") and this crazy chili schnapps ("Dragon's Breath") that made me turn bright red and gag.

Afterward we were pretty exhausted and it was still cold and threatening to rain, and raining intermittently so we opted out of the footy game that Ronnie and Tim went to. Instead Kristina and I went to a nice quiet dinner where we ate way too much garlic and cheese. It was awesome.
The next day we went out to Kristina's parents house which is way outside the city and close to the suburb Campbelltown. Their house is nice and on an awesome piece of land. We wandered around there for a while and were fed lots of delicious finger foods. Then we went to a lookout point in Wollongong and looked out over the ocean and the beaches. It was really pretty, and once again I was impressed by how far I could see... We then ate fish and chips at a local restaurant (my only fish and chips meal) and I was extremely full by the end of it. Yeah.. I ate way too much that day. After our late lunch we decided to drive to the Campbelltown movie theater and see the Dark Knight. This was one of my requirements of my time in Australia, so I'm really glad that I got to see it! I really liked it, and I always enjoy actually going to the movies.

Wednesday was the sad day where the rest of Ronnie's family left and so did Tim. I was the only left!! We spent the morning and early afternoon in and near the airport and with his family since their flight was delayed 5 hours. After that we just ran some errands, they cooked a fabulous dinner and I packed my stuff up and found a place to stay in Melbourne. Thursday morning they dropped me off at the train station and I took a train to the airport and three hours later I was in Melbourne! (I would like to say, that the train was faster than I thought it would be, and it is infinitely easier to find your way around a country where most of the people speak the same language as you... I had almost forgotten how easy it can be to travel)

My reasoning behind going to Melbourne was that my flight on the 2nd was from Sydney to Melbourne to Shanghai, and Ronnie and Kristina had their little getaway gift planned for my last two days in Australia. So I figured what the hell?! Plus, I always like seeing somewhere new.

Melbourne is a pretty cool city. It was even colder there than in Sydney, and it was rainy there too. The day I arrived I didn't do too much other than find my hostel and wander around the area a bit. (St. Kilda) I walked to the end of the pier and looked out over the water and shivered like crazy as I marveled at the blue water and the pink sky. I took off my shoes and walked through the sand a bit just to feel it against my feet, and I went into a couple of second hand bookstores and browsed through the books and the bestsellers and gawked at how fucking expensive shit is in Australia. It was a nice afternoon, even if I didn't get to see a whole lot, and I was freezing my ass off. That night when I went back I met the girl that was sharing my dorm room at the hostel and she was really friendly. My hostel was located above a pub that hosted events every night and provided a "backpacker's meal" for 6 bucks so, naturally, I partook in that. I met some interesting people and the backpackers meal wasn't bad. There was a lot of food for six bucks.

That night there was also a texas hold em tournament at the pub... so naturally I entered. Buy in was free and the prize was $50 for first place and $25 for second. Close to 30 people played and it was a lot of fun! I lasted for a few hours, and finally lost a key hand and ended in 6th place. I was the last girl by far though so I got a free beer for being a chick and kicking ass (for a chick... you know...). I drank way too much beer and had a great time that night with a bunch of total strangers and crawled into bed at like midnight. The next morning I woke up at like 8 and showered and got dressed and hopped on a tram to Melbourne University. Their uni is really nice looking and I totally wouldn't mind going there!! The tram's last stop happened to be the uni so I just got off there and walked through it on my way to the zoo. The zoo was good, though a lot of the attractions were missing or closed (maybe because it's winter?) but I did see a wombat, koalas, kangaroos and a platypus!! Mission accomplished.

After I left the zoo it started raining so I hopped on a train back to the city and wandered through the covered arcades in the city center. I really enjoyed wandering around Melbourne. Some of the cooler aspects were the trendy shops located throughout the city and the fact that there are quite a few areas dedicated to displaying graffiti art. I always enjoy looking at good graffiti art and find it refreshing when cities allow venues for the artists to express themselves without being painted over by a boring coat of white. There are lots of outdoor cafes in the alleys around the center and some pretty cool looking buildings and sculptures. It's an eclectic place, but I like it.

For dinner I ordered a steak at one of the little cafes and it was awesome. I had to have one last good piece of meat before sending myself back to China. The next morning I woke up at 6 and made my way to the airport. My trip back was uneventful, but was made entertaining since the guy next to me got sort of drunk off of red wine and blamed me for half the bottles.... Plus when I was waiting in line for a cab I saw an Australian man walk to the driver's seat and try to get in. When he realized his mistake he chuckled, looked at me and pointed to the other side. I nodded and he waved in and got in on the right side.

Well, that about sums up my trip to Australia!!! I had a great time, and I hope to make it back there sometime soon!! I really enjoyed the country and the people and would love a chance to spend some more time there and to explore a bit more. Maybe next year...

Back in Shanghai...

2008-08-05T10:01:00.005+08:00

Well I am officially back in Shanghai and back at work. I got back on Saturday night after a, thankfully, uneventful flight home. The flight is a lot longer than I thought it would be, with it taking a little over ten hours to get to Sydney from Shanghai. Qantas is a nice airline though... much more comfortable than many of the Chinese airlines so I barely felt like I spent eleven hours in a plane. Ronnie already updated his blog about my time there so if you read his entry you'll get a different perspective and some of the same, but here's what I have to say about it!

Overall, the trip was fabulous. I had a great time. I did not do as much of the traditional sightseeing as I might have had I just gone on a regular vacation there, but I saw a decent amount and I'm definitely happy with the trip. Ronnie and Tim picked me up from the airport at about 9 am on Wednesday morning (July 23rd) and I ran errands with them for the first half of the day. Later was the rehearsal at Curzon Hall (the place they had the wedding at) and a rehearsal dinner at Kingsleigh steakhouse in the city. The dinner was really freaking good. They served steak, which I never eat here in China because it's insanely expensive for not that great of quality, so it was a welcome treat! I also got to meet the bridesmaids and Kristi's and Ronnie's families and enjoy the company of some old friends, which is always great.

Thursday night we went to see My Fair Lady at the Sydney Opera House. The actual play was good but nothing spectacular. Just being in the opera house was awesome, though! The city views at night were amazing and I was glad for a chance to get into the city and see the skyline that Sydney is known for.

After arriving in Sydney and talking to a couple of people, I quickly realized that I did not have an appropriate dress for the wedding. The dress I brought for the wedding was a little casual... and purple, which I had failed to realize was the same color as the bridesmaid dresses. Guys may not understand that this is taboo, but it is. So, Friday morning Kristina was nice enough to take me to one of the local malls and help me pick out a dress. It was fun to see the differences (and lack thereof) in Australian shopping and American, and I did find a dress. I really like it, despite the fact that it gave me a heinous mark on the back of my neck from the halter straps and all the dancing...

I stayed with Ronnie and Kristina during my time in Sydney because they are freaking awesome and let me stay with them (which I'm extremely grateful for!!). They have a cute little place outside the city a bit, and Tim and I got to put their air mattresses to good use while taking up all the floor space in the living room. As a result of crashing on their floor, I got to tag along to some stuff I probably wouldn't have otherwise, such as going to get my nails and toes done with the bride and bridesmaids. It gave me a chance to get to know the girls a bit, which I probably wouldn't have had other wise, and I'm glad I did. They were really nice and pretty entertaining!

Saturday, of course, was the big day!!! Kristina spent Friday night at a hotel so as not to see Ronnie until the big moment... so the other groomsmen came over in the morning and I hung around while they got ready and tried to help where I could while getting ready myself. The boys looked great and it was fun to watch them get all dolled up! The actual wedding was just amazing. The weather had been quite cold and rainy up until this point, but on Saturday the sky was relatively clear and it was a decent temperature outside! This is important since the ceremony was held outside in the area beside Curzon Hall. Kristina looked beautiful in her dress, as did her bridesmaids in theirs. The ceremony was light and fun while being extremely touching. I did a reading, that I did not write or pick but liked a lot, and hope that I didn't mess it up. Everyone said I did fine, but really, who would tell me otherwise? There were lots of tears and some funny moments, like when Kristina almost said fuck while trying to hold herself together.

The reception was right beside where the ceremony took place, so all we had to do was walk inside. Kristina's Dad, Tim, Rebecca (a bridesmaid), Ronnie and Kristina all made speeches and they were all pretty awesome. It's always touching to see grown men and women get choked up at such events and there were plenty of teary eyes present. Then the dancing started. I got to learn the Nutbush... which apparently is a really popular Tina Turner song in Australia and has a dance that is vaguely reminiscent to the Electric Slide. I also got to dance to lots of oldies songs, which I love! It had been a long time since I last danced the Twist...

So... yes! The wedding was great. The ceremony was wonderful and the reception was a lot of fun. Those of you who missed it should be sorry! It was a good time and a great wedding. Our only complaint was that it ended too soon... we felt like we could have danced all night!!!!

In fact, since we felt that way... some of the people from the wedding went out to a bar close by for some drinks. I think the best part about our little venture out after the wedding was the trip there. Danni, Sophie, Tim and I all shared a cab over there, and after Tim safely saw Danni, Sophie and I into the backseat, he walked around the front and started to get in. Of course, after a few drinks he had forgotten that the driver's side is in fact on the opposite side of the car in Australia. The driver started sort of freaking out and was like "whoa man what the hell are you doing?!" and Tim just yells out "I'm an American!!" and throws up his hands. At that point the driver just started laughing (thankfully! I thought he was going to slug Tim) and told Tim he could drive if he wanted to. This just left us girls in hysterics and I am still laughing about it. Tim wasn't as entertained, but I think he still saw the humor in it...

There are still a few days left of my trip that I haven't talked about, but I think I will break this up into two parts and end this one for now. I also have a few interesting things that have already happened since I got back to write about. I have lots to say these days... maybe that's a good thing?

Books...

2008-08-04T16:00:00.005+08:00

I will update soon on the wedding and my trip to Australia, but first I want to do this post about books. I'm still relatively into it, though not quite as driven as before. I've read like 5 books in the past 3 weeks which is about as many as I had read since I came to Shanghai, so I feel accomplished. I came across this meme today reading the many blogs that I must read for work and decided to do it.

Bold - read, red- read multiple times, blue-started but never finished.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I've only read 38 out of the 100!! Eek... I have some work to do! I actually own a bunch of the books on here and just have yet to read them... my eyes are always a bit too big when it comes to buying books.

A hesitant post....

2008-07-22T12:02:00.003+08:00

There was an article published a few days ago about how blacks and Mongolians are being banned from bars in Beijing during the Olympics. This was originally published by the South China Morning Post (a Hong Kong paper) and has since been refuted by a few sources. Basically, the story is that some bar owners said that officials from the Public Security Bureau in Beijing came around to their bars and asked them to sign pledges stating that they would not allow in blacks (drug dealers) or Mongolians (prostitutes) during the Olympics so that people didn't get the wrong impression of China.

Beijing authorities have said that they know nothing of this and no such ban has been issued and no such pledges signed. I believe that they would never be stupid enough to do anything so official and forward. I do believe, however, that some lower level police officers probably went to the bars and warned the bar owners to make sure that there were no black people in their clubs dealing during the Olympics.

The point of me writing this, though, is not to support or refute the article.. but to talk about the comments left on the article. (It's on the Huffington Post as well as a few other news sites) The comments infuriated and baffled me... They said things such as "This is all just a lie and is another example of the white man trying to keep black men away from Asian women." I'm sorry.... WHAT?! This is no way makes sense. The article was originally published by a Hong Kong publication, which has no white involvement... about Chinese people... and black people. You can throw your conspiracy theories at me that the white man rules the world and therefore this is a valid statement, but I will fight you on this and not buy into that belief. It is true that white people have an influence here, but I assure you that it is not to keep the blacks away from the Asian chicks.

It is true that there is a growing number of African drug dealers in Beijing, so the leap from black people to drug dealers is not completely unfounded, but it's still pretty ridiculous. In general, Chinese people are pretty racist (I've blogged about this before!) and this just takes it one step further. There are all sorts of accounts of racism in China, particularly against people of darker skin, and I wouldn't say that they're machinations of a white media. As time goes on and China grows more powerful, the white man is becoming more and more absent from China... just as he was a mere 30 years ago.

At any rate... I thought this was an interesting topic, though a bit frustrating. People draw weird connections between things that aren't necessarily connected. There are too many conspiracy theories for our own good.

Facebook and real books...

2008-07-21T18:16:00.007+08:00

I'm not sure how many of you have seen Facebook's latest facelift... but I don't really like it. Maybe it will grow on me, but right now I find it to be rather cluttered and I really don't like the mixing of the mini feed and the wall. Blah!

I guess it doesn't really matter as I can't say that I use Facebook all that often. Usually just for birthdays and to say hello to people I haven't spoken to in a while. I'm actually sort of bad about keeping up with my Facebook...

In other news... I've been reading a lot lately!!! It's really exciting. I've been enjoying it thoroughly and am excited for my travels because it will give me some extra time to read. That probably shouldn't be a factor, but it is. I'm currently reading The Plague by Albert Camus, which is something I have been meaning to read for years. I really like it so far, and am hoping that I have some time tonight to finish it. I think I might read Brave New World next. I have never read it and I feel like I need to if for no other reason than to understand all of the references to it... same with The Great Gatsby.

Tonight will have to be my book-picking night for my trip. Eek! I'm a total nerd :)

Babies!!!

2008-07-20T22:45:00.004+08:00

Lately it seems like everyone is getting married and having babies! Today my sister had her first baby shower. It went pretty well I think, considering that most of the women didn't know each other before today and my sister had almost nothing planned. We basically just sat around and ate pastries, watched Renee open gifts and did a book swap that Renee orchestrated. She got some cute baby stuff which is awesome. I haven't given her anything yet because I'm sort of broke right now... but I am thinking about looking into some stuff while I'm in Australia, and I am also thinking that I want to buy them a Wii when I get my next paycheck.

I'm really excited to be an aunt!!! Renee leaves really soon to go back to the States to have the baby. She leaves on August 18th and will be gone until December 1st. I think she's really excited to get out of China for a while and see her family and friends and to spend some time outdoors. She will be staying in Seattle with her mom until the baby is born, and then moving a little outside of Seattle into a rented house with Sage, the baby and Bailey. Sage will be back and forth, and Bailey will fly over with Sage sometime in September. The baby is due on September 25th, though Renee has been given a couple due dates so we're not really sure when the baby will actually be born!! The 25th is the earliest one though.

Andrew got a scholarship to come to China at the end of October... which ruins my plans a little to be home by then. Oh well, at least I will get to show him around Shanghai a little bit and tell him about my life for the past year!! My tentative plan is that I will leave the first week in November and return to the States. I will probably just fly into the west coast and go and visit Renee up in the Seattle area. I really want to throw her a baby shower out there... I know it will be after the baby is born... but her Stateside friends will want to see the baby anyway... not just a pregnant Renee!! (even though she's really cute pregnant, I think they'll want to meet the little one) They're being surprised so I'm anxious to find out whether it's a boy or a girl. Everyone at her office swears it's a boy because of how her stomach is or something.

It's actually really interesting for her to be pregnant here because there are so many Chinese old wives tales about pregnancy. They have all these little tricks and stuff for telling if it's a boy or a girl because here you're not allowed to find out the sex of the baby because of the whole aborting all the girls thing. Plus, they have a lot of superstitions like she's not supposed to leave the house a month before the baby is born and a month after the baby is born. Or... she's not supposed to wash her hair for the first month after the baby is born. Or cut her hair for a year after the baby is born. I don't know why...

But yes... I'm extremely excited for the weddings coming up and for the babies that will be born soon!!! I leave in three days for Australia and I can't wait to see Ronnie and Kristina again. I'm really looking forward to seeing Sydney, too. I've been back in Shanghai for like two months and I'm already itching to take a break and see something new!! That's probably sad... my wanderlust is out of control.

Things are improving....

2008-07-17T15:47:00.002+08:00

So after my bitch of a day the other day, I have had two pleasant ones. Nothing great, but I also haven't felt like fleeing the country lately. Sadly, that's a step up.

For the most part I enjoy living here, but there is still a lot about China that I will never get used to. I am not cut out for living here long term, and am anxiously awaiting my return home. Please don't misunderstand me, I have enjoyed my time here and will continue to enjoy it until I leave. However, China will never be a place I can call home. China is so different from what I am accustomed to in a lot of ways, but I think I could get over that. What really bothers me about being here is that I will forever be considered an outsider.

Unlike living in Europe or many parts of Latin America, I will never fit in here. This is not a country where diversity is commonplace and accepted. It does not matter if you were born here and have lived here your entire life, you will never be Chinese if you aren't of the Chinese race. In contrast, if you were born in America, and so were your parents, and your parents parents, but THEY were from China.. you will always be Chinese. It's a very race oriented society, which is new for me and I'm not sure that I like it.

America definitely has a race problem, but after being overseas I realize that it's not nearly as bad as we all think. As far as the rest of the world goes, we are pretty progressive in our acceptance of diversity and our attempt to talk about it and embrace it. Diversity is not only supported in America, but encouraged. Here, people of darker skin (even if they are still Chinese) are discriminated against openly. I encountered the same thing in Spain and in Latin America... and if you're actually black or, heaven forbid, Muslim, then you're really discriminated against. I miss the diversity and the relative acceptance of the US. I miss being amongst people such as myself and not feeling different all the time. By "people such as myself" I mean people who don't notice the color of my skin... not just white people.

Maybe I'm just too sensitive. There are a lot of people here who are white, black or other who live here and seem to be happy. Then again, they don't usually try to be a part of the Chinese community... they just throw themselves into the expat community. I like the expat community here and it definitely is a major comfort, but its constantly changing because Shanghai is such a transient city so I will never feel settled here. I might feel differently if I didn't have so much waiting for me back in the States, but since I do I will say that while Shanghai is a great place to come for a short period of time, I'm ready to go home. I plan on enjoying the hell out of my last few months here and I'm glad I'll have some time to say goodbye and do all the things I've been meaning to do. I know I'll look back on this time and China with fondness and probably be bored out of my skull when I get back to the slow-paced South... but at least I'll be home.

On a lighter note...

2008-07-15T20:14:00.002+08:00

I saw a dude wearing a shirt that just said BALLS across the front.

I also saw a chick wearing a very girly shirt that read SAN DIEGO DAD in bright pink letters.

Makes me wonder what shirts with Chinese characters on them say in the US.

A terrible day...

2008-07-15T19:34:00.003+08:00

Today was horrible. Just horrible. This morning I had to go to the police station to reregister myself for God knows what reason. They gave me a bit of a hard time about it because my visa is actually expired now because my paperwork is still being processed so it just looks like I'm here illegally. After that I had to go and pick up my tickets for Australia which was annoying because I wasn't able to change my tickets like I had hoped. :(

After going to the Qantas office I had to go out to Pudong to apply for my residence permit. This was just more of a hassle than anything and I'm still not entirely sure what it was that I did there. Everyone was speaking in Chinese and I don't really understand the process anyway. All of these errands took about three hours and it was really hot outside so that I was just miserable all morning walking around and taking the subway all over town. By the time I got to work at close to 12:30 I was in a pissy mood and just wasn't in the mood for anything, especially not work.

This morning wasn't even that bad... it was just the fact that I had to do all of this shit and worry about my visa and not be totally sure that I would have it ready by the time I leave next Tuesday. I am just so sick of this and I can't wait until it's done. I'm thankful that Greg and his coworkers have worked so hard to get it done for me and that I haven't really had that much to do, but I just am sick of thinking about it and having to worry about all of it.

Then of course because I was in a pissy mood I got in a fight with Andrew because he said something stupid that set me off as is wont to happen when I am in a bad mood to begin with. Argh. Also, this was as at work so I was just totally on edge and freaking out not so secretly. I'm not always so subtle with my anger, even though I know that I should be. I almost burst into tears in the office today but luckily was able to somewhat hold it together. Just one of those days. I cancelled my tutoring for tonight so that I could come home and just sleep and watch TV. I'm really glad that I did because I couldn't take being around people tonight. I have to get some work done tonight with Renee that I am not looking forward to doing, but it shouldn't take long and Renee doesn't ever upset me so I should be good.

Anyway... here's hoping tomorrow is better and that I manage to calm myself down tonight and sort things out with Andrew.

Regrets?

2008-07-14T21:42:00.004+08:00

For most of my life I have been able to truthfully say that if I were to suddenly die the next day I would not look back on my life and regret anything. I have never been one of those people that puts off things until the future. If I want to travel around the world, I do it. If I want to move to China... well... I do. In the past I have followed my heart without regret, determined to never look back on my life and say, "I wonder what would have happened if I had had the guts to do what I wanted."

It's not always easy. In fact, it's often downright terrifying to do what I want to do. Other times it's easy, but mostly it's hard work that is well rewarded. I bring all this up because recently I have become a little disappointed in myself. I know what I want but am scared to jump. I'm letting small things hold me back. Years from now, if I am able to reflect upon this time in my life, I will probably not regret it. My fear, though, is that I will never make it to that point.

Life scares me. Not because I'm afraid to live it, but because I'm afraid to lose it. The fact that I have come to fear death scares me more than anything because I was never really scared of dying before. I always felt a sort of immunity knowing that I had done everything I wanted up until that very moment. True, my life would have been short and unfinished, but I would have died happy. Of course there are little things that I would miss or wish I had done, like tell my family I loved them more and showed my appreciation for the people and world around me more than I have, but nothing life-changing. I've lived a charmed life, and I haven't let the negativity of the world around me drag me down too much. Nor have I ignored it.

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I have an intense interest in human nature. This is manifested in my interest in genocide, war, politics, human rights, and an infinite amount of similar things that all represent some aspect of human nature. I want to figure out what it is that drives people. Why do we all think that we are immune to the shortcomings of others? Can we really be so ignorant as to think that all the warriors of the past were savages and all the victims innocents? Are we so arrogant that we don't realize that none of us are innocents and we're all at least a little savage?

My reading list and my movie choices represent a rather depressing aspect of the past of the human race. It's a small wonder that I haven't driven myself crazy with it. Though I might not have reached a dangerous level of depression or insanity, I have jaded myself by reading about so many accounts of human cruelty and savagery. The things we do to one another...

I got to thinking about all of this because of the book that I just finished reading, Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins. A great read that I recommend to anyone that is remotely interested in human rights and how capitalism and the greed of the United States is slowly destroying our little world. My boss recommended it to me and loaned me the book, and I really enjoyed reading it. It spoke of how the man, John Perkins, felt that he needed to write the book as a sort of cleansing of all the things that he had done in the past that went against his conscience. Things that he had to justify to himself and others for years that he could no longer bear. He felt that he fucked the world and had to apologize for it and to create awareness about the things that he had done in order to somewhat remedy his actions. Not to completely make up for them, but as a sort of peace offering to the world and those that his actions harmed. He sold his soul years ago for money and power, and he wants it back.

Basically, he would go into developing nations and convince them that they needed to take out massive loans from organizations such as the World Bank that they couldn't possibly repay. He did this through overblown econometric models that promised massive returns on these loans and investments in the country's infrastructure and economy. He was employed by the private sector, that then benefited from these loans because the countries would use the money to hire US companies to build their infrastructure, schools, etc. Naturally, the country would be ultimately unable to repay the loans and would be left indebted to the US and essentially under its power. A sort of economic colonialism if you will. He refers to this as the building of the US's global empire, and after reading the book and taking into account all that I have learned about US politics and international policy, I am inclined to believe and agree with him. It reads like a conspiracy theory, but it's damn convincing and is based in an awful lot of fact.

I could write about this for days... but I won't. I'll just say that the more time I spend on this earth, the more I realize what I want to do with my life. At one point I wanted to go to law school and practice corporate law. Now, I realize that there is much more to life than money. Money is corrupting and useless in the grand scheme of things. It provides materialistic comforts that are only vaguely satisfying and I would rather do something with my life that will give it more meaning. I don't want to be famous or go down in history for changing the world, but I do want to leave it with no regrets. I want to live each day as though it were my last. Not by partying and living life at a breakneck speed, but by never holding back. Always going after what it is that I want and never disappointing myself again.

I need to get my life back on track and figure out how to do the things that I want. I have never let myself down before, and I don't intend to this time. There are certain things in life that I will probably always fear, but I don't want death to be one of them. It is inevitable, so there is no sense in fearing it. I just want to be ready for it when it comes. My last thoughts must not be of all the things that I did not do, or of all the things that I wish I had done, but of the things that I did and the ones that I loved.

Transformers!!!

2008-07-14T11:29:00.004+08:00

I saw a car that was totally decked out Transformers style. I see a lot of cars like this around Shanghai that have the Decepticon insignia on the back so that the drivers look totally cool. This car took it to a whole new level though. It was painted in the black and white of the police car. Except instead of Police it said Transformers. It still totally had the "to punish and enslave..." phrase painted on the side of it and the little insignia on the back.

It was pretty freaking funny. People are really strange and I have to wonder why anyone would seriously want to drive around in a car like that. Don't get me wrong, I loved Transformers. The toys, the TV show, the movie... pretty much everything. I still don't want to dress my car up as one though. That just seems weird.

Unless..... they do exist!

A good weekend...

2008-07-13T21:58:00.003+08:00

This weekend was pretty great. Not for any particular reason, but it was a lot of fun and I was able to kick back and relax for a lot more of it than I have been able to these past few weeks. I left work on Friday, went to the grocery store to pick up some things, then came home and cooked, played with Bailey and watched the 11th hour in preparation for the Green Business Forum on Saturday hosted by my company. (www.nextstepshanghai.com) The movie was interesting and I agree with a lot of what it said. I liked that it utilized fear to get its message across but it didn't go overboard. I wasn't turned off by its preachiness, which is saying something considering that I usually hate being preached to.

Saturday I woke up and went to teaching at 9:30. The annoying part about getting up that early to go and teach was that when I got there... there was no one else there, and the door was locked. Now, I can be pretty patient and I go with the flow for the most part (I think...). However, my Saturday morning was annoying. The lock on the door was frustrating, but what was really annoying was when I got ready to leave at my scheduled time of 12, the woman I work for was like oh well you still owe them 30 minutes because you started late.

Maybe it's a cultural thing..

. or a company thing... I don't really know, but where I'm from it's not my responsibility to make up the time that was lost because I was standing out in the hall because someone forgot to unlock the door. Also, I was all by myself when I first got there. No one else showed up until closer to 9:40, and only 2 of the 4 students that came were there before we were let into the office at close to 10:05. I started teaching at about 9:50 out in the hallway while we waited for the office to be opened, and while it wasn't the most comfortable or convenient place I've ever held a lesson, it worked. So basically, 20 minutes were wasted because people were late... and there was the slight inconve

nience of being out in the hallway. We get let in and we have a nice lesson.. the other two show up at close to 10:30 and I finish the lesson at about 12:05. I walk out and she's like oh well there's still like an hour left because you started late. I just about screamed.

I have no problem with waiting outside... with waiting for students to show up that are late... with any of that. However, it is not my responsibility to make up time lost because of any of these things. If I were late, obviously I would make up the time, but I feel that in a classroom setting like this you get the 2 1/2 hours from 9:30 - 12 no matter what time you, the student, decide to show up. For m

y one on one lessons I'm a little more flexible... and honestly any other day I probably would have been more flexible as well. Yesterday I had no time to play games like this though. I had planned out my day carefully... Lesson over at 12, run home to change for work and take out Bailey so she's not cooped up all day, take a taxi over to the Grand Hyatt in the Jinmao in Pudong for the forum and be there by 1:15. I didn't have time to waste!!! Shanghai's not a small city, and getting from Xujiahui to where my house is takes about 20 minutes by cab, and it takes almost 30 by cab to get to Pudong.... so you

can see I didn't have much time to work with. Am I wrong for thinking that I shouldn't have to make up the time and that I should have in fact been paid for all 2 1/2 hours that I was there? Am I crazy? Self-entitled?

Anyway, that was my one hiccup in an otherwise pretty smooth weekend. I got to the Grand Hyatt only a little bit late and the forum was actually pretty interesting. We had two panels and I really enjoyed the first panel. The second panel was not nearly as good, and we were running about an hour behind so by the time the last speaker spoke... less than half of the people that had been there at the start were still there. It was sort of sad, but I still thought that on the whole it went well. After the forum the whole staff (almost) went out for dinner for Nenette's goodbye dinner.

Nenette is one of our lovely interns that worked with us for the past 4 months during her study abroad here in Shanghai that is now going back home. Dinner was great. Good food, good company, lots of laughter. They all went out together afterward, but I opted to go to a friend's house party instead. I hadn't seen Griff (the host) or anyone else from that crowd in a long time because of going back to the States and all of that, so I was excited to see them again.

The party was fun. I met some interesting people and saw most of the people that I expected too, and a few more that I didn't expect to! I drank more than I should have... which meant that today during the day I didn't feel so hot. As a result, today was spent lounging on the couch and watching movies!! It's been a long time since I've had a day spent predominantly on the couch. I just ordered food and parked myself in front of the TV for the majority of the day. It was awesome. By the way... Lars and the Real Girl is a fucking hilarious movie. Not because anything overly funny happens, just the premise is ridiculous. I really enjoyed it.

I had teaching tonight, and only one student showed up. It actually was nice though, it's a lot easier to engage in conversation and encourage speaking when there are fewer people! Plus we were talking about the American economy so I had lots to talk about. Next week is politics and I'm really excited for that!! I really like talking about politics with people and explaining how the American political system works. It's not necessarily the best system, but it's sure as hell interesting.

Kitten...

2008-07-11T09:56:00.003+08:00

I saw the tiniest kitten the other day that I really wanted to take home with me. I was walking to the subway stop and it came walking up to me and mewed and my heart just melted. It was so small I was afraid to pick it up, but it wouldn't even have filled the palm of my hand, and it couldn't have been more than 4 inches tall. Of course it was wandering around the streets of Shanghai with no mother in sight and was right around lots of bikes and cars. I wonder if it made it...

I'm always a little afraid of playing with street animals here because rabies is sort of a problem, not to mention the fact that there is a lot of disgusting stuff for them to get into. This little kitten already had ticks or huge fleas or something in its fur. It was adorable though and made me look forward to getting a cat of my own even more!!!

Also... another great craigslist post... http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/705407729.html.

I like cats.

Assassins?

2008-07-09T14:07:00.002+08:00

Awesome blog post about a phishing scam. Some people are amazing...

http://bumpontheblog.etowns.net/?p=236

I would think twice before deleting it. I sort of hope I get this one.

Air Conditioning Installation

2008-07-08T12:40:00.002+08:00

My office has been unnaturally hot lately given that we didn't have an air conditioner for my half of the office. Shanghai's heat has already reached unbearable levels (with the heat index it's well over 100 degrees here) so it was about time we fixed this before everyone went crazy with the heat. So my bosses bought a unit for our side of the office and some guys came to install it yesterday.

The installation process was insane!!! Four seemingly scrawny Chinese guys show up with massive AC units. One internal and one external. The larger of the two is now perching on a ledge outside our window. How they got it there? Well we have really tall windows, broken up into various frames that all open. They opened the top frames as well as the bottom windows, took a harness and wrapped the machine up in it and basically lowered it out the window. The looped the rope over the top window frame and then pushed the machine out of the bottom one. I was a bit terrified that the frame was going to come crashing down... as it is made of wire and there was a bunch of glass underneath it so I didn't think it would be able to support the weight. Miraculously, it did.

The best part though, was when the guys were hanging out the windows and standing on the tiny ledge that this huge machine was being put onto. Remember, we are 6 floors up, yet they felt no need to be holding onto anything or to loop a rope around themselves and the window or each other. I was truly scared that someone would fall and kill themselves. They, however, didn't seem very concerned at all.

Everyone made it out alive and they successfully installed the AC... though it's still hot in here because apparently one of the buttons on our new machine is broken. Oh, China.

Cultural Differences

2008-07-07T11:48:00.002+08:00

Last night I taught a class on cultural differences between China and the US. This was my conversational English class so I encourage the students to talk and share their thoughts, but unfortunately they don't know much about American culture so they weren't overly talkative. Except for one guy... who was adamantly defending China. He failed to realize that I was not in fact insulting China, just pointing out some things that I thought were funny that are different here. Some of the things I find rude or just gross... but most of it are just quirky little differences that I experience here as a laowai (foreigner).

There are a lot of things that irk me about China... and there are definitely days where I don't want to deal with them. For the most part though, I realize that it boils down to cultural norms and that theirs and mine are simply different. Here, spitting is not frowned upon. Littering is commonplace. Squat toilets are considered to be the cleaner option and you don't put toilet paper in the toilet, but in the trash can next to the toilet. Traffic laws are completely ignored and yelling isn't rude... but draws a crowd. We talked about all of these things and more... and most of them just were entertained by my playful banter about the Chinese ways... and I poked a little fun at American customs as well.

One person, though, just wouldn't let anything by me. He kept disagreeing with me and saying that he didn't think that was how Chinese people are. Sometimes they're so proud. I don't get offended when Chinese people say that all Americans are fat and sleep around. Or that we all look alike.. so I'm unsure why some of them get offended when I point out things about their culture and societal niceties. Oh well. I hope no one took any real offense to what I said, because it wasn't meant to be offensive. I like China, and support the fact that we are a very different people with different expectations and habits. Not good, not bad, just different.

Anyone want a moose?

2008-07-04T14:26:00.001+08:00

http://laughlines.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/07/01/if-you-want-a-free-moose/

I really enjoyed reading this. Can you imagine? It's worth clicking on the Read More and reading the full advertisement.

One of those weeks...

2008-07-03T17:03:00.000+08:00

Ever just have one of those weeks where everything feels like shit even though nothing actually went wrong? Well this has been one of those weeks. The fact that it has been such a shit week is strange because it has been a relatively calm week for me. No, it's not my time of the month, and I'm not sick... I'm not really sure what it is.

To make matters worse... my plans to go to Australia the week before Ronnie's wedding are being foiled by the fact that I don't yet have a way to re-enter China. The bureaucracy here is just amazing. I never would have imagined that this much red tape would be wound around me, restricting me from doing so many things. With any luck I will be able to slice through enough red tape to make it to the wedding, just not as early as I had hoped. Oh China... how you complicate my life.

My distance from all things familiar and comfortable has plagued me this week more than ever. This is due in part to the fact that I haven't been able to communicate with Andrew, and in part to the frustrations that I have been experiencing with planning my trip to Australia. There are other things affecting my mood as well, but they are less clear cut and not as easily analyzed and expressed. Maybe someday I will understand myself enough to be able to take a step back and look at my mood and declare what is at the root of it. For now I will settle for empty speculation and hope that with age comes clarity.

Wow...

2008-07-03T09:50:00.000+08:00

This morning on my way to work I saw a beggar woman in the subway with a large tumor on the back of her neck. Initially I thought it was one of those inflatable airplane pillows, but as I drew nearer I realized that it was connected to her. I wonder if she can still use it as a head rest...

My First Snippet...

2008-07-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

On my walk home from teaching tonight, a Chinese man played Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On as loudly as he could on his cell phone. Proudly singing along to the song and dancing a little as he walked. Only in China is this an OK thing to do.

Resuming with Blogger and the name change

2008-07-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

For those of you that know me and know that this is my third blog address in less than a year... I thank you for sticking with it.

Being here in China makes certain things difficult that I never would have expected. One of those things is writing a blog. I started my SixMonthsinShanghai blog not realizing that it would later be blocked in China, making it insanely difficult to update. So I started a weblog blog... which basically sucked. Weblog doesn't allow comments and the interface is strange and just not great. Well... China has now unblocked many blogger blogs, and so I can now post to Blogger so I am trying it again.

This is actually my same blog, but I changed the title and the domain name because I would like to be able to continue this blog even after I return to the States. If you missed my other blog... well you didn't miss much. If you really want to you can still check it out at camillethinks.weblog.com.

Now... What's with the new name? Well, funny things happen all the time here in China, and I know that they happen back home too. Either I read something, see something or experience something that is funny or interesting or just noteworthy. I want to start blogging about these things, whether they warrant one line or one page. Hence, the Daily Snippets and Long Stories. I will also be filling in the spaces with things about my life and other things that I see fit. I am going to try to update this more often... but I will no longer apologize for not updating frequently if it doesn't happen. Deal with it!

Welcome to what I hope is my permanent blog. Apologies for the confusion and thanks again for following me here...

2007-11-29T22:36:00.000+08:00

It's funny to think that when I came here I had every intention of staying six months and then leaving. Now I have been here for three months, and really can't imagine leaving in another three. Granted, this is probably helped by the fact that I am getting to go home for Christmas, (yes it's official I'm coming home!! the 19th-2nd!) but still I feel that six months is way too short. The funny part is... I knew this! Argentina was too short, Spain was painfully short, so I'm coming to the realization that six months was set because I was almost certain that this wasn't going to work out. The good news... it's working out!

My job started out as relatively boring, and while it's not the most exciting thing in the world, it's improving!! I basically do market research and am working on marketing plans for the company. Our product is finally getting ready to launch, so things are picking up and we're planning focus groups and getting in touch with different media outlets. Awesome.

On the whole, I'm still pretty pleased with my life here. I stay really busy actually. Monday, Wednesday and Friday I don't really have time for anything other than work, Chinese class and tutoring, since that keeps me occupied from 9 am til 11:30 pm. Tuesday and Thursday Renee and I are still going to yoga. I'm really enjoying the yoga thing! I'm getting better at it, which is nice. It's always fun to feel things getting easier, and while it's not as strenuous as a lot of workouts, I feel like it's a good match for me. Basically, looking in, my life is totally lame, but I'm ok with that.

I spent my first Thanksgiving away from home at Tor's place. Tor is Renee's business partner, and he had me and 5 married couples over to his place. Tor is also married, meaning that I was the only person there without a significant other present... and I was also the youngest by at least 7 or 8 years. Unless you count the 3 three year old and the one year old... However, one thing that I have learned from my time here and hanging out with people often over twice my age, is that life does not end on your wedding day, no matter your age, nor does it end at 40, 50 or even 60. I have been to parties and been entertained by people that are the same age as my parents, and older! It's weird to be almost on peer level with these people now. Obviously, we're not quite there yet, as I am too young and inexperienced for any of them to take me seriously... but gone are the days of Hello, I'm Mr. So and So. Growing up is weird.

I don't have much else to say right now... something about not updating for a month makes it harder to update at all. I am sorry about the scarcity of these updates, they're just rather annoying to do! It took me a good 2 hours to write this because of the whole blogger being blocked here. Hopefully they will unblock it soon. I'll try and write about more entertaining things soon. Renee wants us to go away next weekend, and we have a relatively full weekend this weekend planned so I should have some stories soon!

Moving on

2007-11-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

I got a job. I am officially a product launch intern at a startup company called LexDex. I am still unsure what I will be doing... but the company is cool. I like the two guys running it, and I like the vibe of the place, so hopefully it will be a good experience. Basically, the company is an online study guide. They are taking existing textbooks and creating flashcards, study guides and aides, in order to help students study. These things are all online, and also may be downloaded to your mobile phone, so that you can study on the go. The product is something that could work, so I am intrigued to see how it will be done. The fun part is that now I get to have an impact on that! Even if it is just a minor one. I start on Monday, and have a probation period of one month to see how I fit with their company. I hope it works out because I think that it could be a very good thing, and I would like to not have to look for a new job...

I'm still not sure how long I will be here. Depending on everything, I could be home in a month, or I could be here until the Olympics. If everything goes my way I wouldn't mind staying actually. Either way it looks like I will be coming home for Christmas, which is sort of nice. It's amazing that I have only been here for 6 weeks. It feels like I've been here for longer, but at the same time it's amazing that so much time has gone by. I still don't feel like I've done much of anything.

Shanghai is a funny city though. There is a lot to see and do, but it's not really the touristy sort of stuff that you would expect. There are a few museums and a few "historical" sites, but for the most part what they have to offer is current culture. Shanghai is not like Beijing in that it doesn't have old temples or emperor dwellings. All it has to offer are some recreations of things that were destroyed during the Cultural Revolution. This is why when people ask me if I've seen all the sites, I don't quite know what to say. I have minimal interest in visiting these sites, and while I will probably visit them at some point, I don't really feel like I'm missing out on much yet. I do need to spend some more time exploring the city, but it's sort of hard to motivate myself to wander around aimlessly. The weather is getting better though so it won't be as hard now. Of course, now I will be constantly busy.

Renee and I have signed up at a yoga studio for unlimited classes for 3 months. We try to go at least twice a week, and it's actually pretty great. I've been sore for two weeks straight though because we've done various classes that have worked different parts of our bodies. I will say that pilates and yoga work places that you didn't know that you could ever be sore. It's kind of nice and sort of painful. Hopefully it will help to keep me in shape though. I also need to start eating more local Chinese food and less Western food. Hopefully I will actually do it at some point. Shanghai food is not nearly as appealing to me as Beijing food though. I will say that. There's a huge difference in food depending on where you are in China, and I have to say that Beijing food is a lot better in my opinion. Oh well! I'll survive. I'm weaning myself off of cereal right now because it's just too expensive.

All in all... I like it here. I still feel a little out of place, and am having a difficult time motivating myself to meet new people. I miss my family, and I miss my friends and I miss Andrew. Long distance relationships are really hard by the way... and it makes meeting new people sort of awkward. A lot of the people here that I meet are guys, and it's just somehow harder to befriend guys when you're taken. I like the people that I have met so far though, and should probably make more of an effort to let them know that. I'll have to make an effort to go to Griff's next time he asks me to play poker.

Shanghai is a very cool city though. It's the sort of place where everything moves at the speed of light, but the pace of life is still very casual and laid back. Skyscrapers are built in a month, but it's impossible to walk quickly on the sidewalk because everyone walks very slowly. No one's in a hurry, yet everything is taking off. It's weird how it works, but it does. I like it. It's a city of options. If you want to live on a shoestring, you can do that very easily, and if you want to live a life of luxury, you wouldn't really have to go too far out of your way. Here you get to choose how you live, and there's a certain comfort in that. I don't know what it is, but it's nice.

Here's hoping that I figure everything out, and that everything works out. I miss you guys.

Beijing

2007-10-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

I just got back from a 2 day trip to Beijing with Renee. We left on Saturday morning, and it is now Monday afternoon. The trip was great actually. Beijing is... amazingly different. There are a lot more foreigners roaming around, the streets are cleaners, there are flowers everywhere, highways, high-rises, water in the river instead of sludge.... it's amazing. The city is still polluted as hell and the perfect weather we had was still marred by the low lying fog of God only knows what hanging over the city. It's amazing how much the pollution changes the whole appearance of the city. Regardless, the city looks pretty good. A lot of it is still run-down, and they're slowly wiping out the culture that draws tourists to Beijing, but as far as a modern city goes, it's getting there. Honestly, I don't remember terribly much about my time in Beijing. I have the worst memory, and it sucks, but 6 years is sort of a long time, and I have done and seen a lot in those six years. I did remember quite a few things though, and I will tell you that there were many parts of Beijing that I wouldn't have recognized even if I had a photographic memory. It's pretty impressive.

I read an article that compared time in China to dog years. One year here is like 7 years in New York City, and 30 years in parts of Africa. It sounds silly, but it is true. In my short time here, I have watched entire streets transform, 30 story buildings sprout up seemingly overnight, and watched a road be constructed entirely by hand. It's a great time to be in China. Seriously. Things are actually happening here, and so fast that you almost miss them. It's a unique atmosphere, and I don't think I will ever regret being here now. Even though I'm not really a part of the action right now, it's sort of fun to be able to see it all happen.

I have had a couple of job interviews already, and have at least two more this week. I am hoping to start hearing back from people by the end of this week, even if it's just for a second interview or a polite no thanks. I'm hoping to find something soon, as I would really like to get a schedule that I can stick to. Not working has it's advantages, but I would like to establish an income and not constantly have to search for something to do every day. Hopefully something will pan out soon.

Anyway, Beijing was fun. We spent a lot of time looking at possible store locations for the eno store that will be opening soon in Beijing, and so I got to see a lot of malls and department stores. I can't imagine shopping like they do in some of these places. Imagine going into an American department store, a 7 story one, and having thousands of people (literally) all around you looking at clothes, shouting at sales assistants, and trying to get to the cashier. Holy shit. So crazy. It's sort of comparable to the Friday after Thanksgiving traffic at the mall, but worse, and this was just a normal weekend, at just one department store. Granted, this is a description of the most popular department store in China, but still. A lot of the other stores and malls were not that much better, and these were all locals, not tourists.

We also visited the Pearl Market and the Fake Market. I got some new fake Pumas and Converse, a fake Tod's bag, some pearls and a necklace and bracelet made of volcanic rock, and some other random stuff. I love markets. They're terribly tempting though. I needed some new shoes, since somehow 5 pairs isn't enough. My black diesels are getting thrown out though, and being replaced by my new black and orange Webos. They look exactly like Pumas, except the stomach of the cat says WEBO, very discreetly, so that you know that they're not Pumas when you're looking really closely. Their motto is Each Step. ....

Nearing the End...

2007-10-05T20:34:00.000+08:00

Today is Friday. I am currently sitting on the couch with Bailey watching Weeds. I must say, I am pleasantly surprised by how much I like this show! I am quite hungry right now, and watching all these people on the screen eating their munchies isn't helping. I have big plans tomorrow to go to Moon River and have a nice big hamburger and maybe even a milkshake. They have really good milkshakes. I miss grocery stores where I understand the labels. I don't like going out to eat by myself all the time, and I truly do not know what is in a lot of the things they sell in the stores here, and the cereals and western food here are relatively expensive.

My week of solitary is almost up though! It's probably a little sad that I have actually really enjoyed being here by myself. I really can't say that I mind spending my days on the couch and watching DVDs. Naturally, it has its pros and cons, but for the most part I enjoy it. Having said that, I will be glad when it is over and I have something to do again. If for no other reason than that means I will be in Chinese classes again and might some day be able to order food that I actually want. The way most people who don't speak Chinese order is by ordering a few random dishes based on either their pictures or English descriptions. You would think that these would be good ways to do it, but it's really not. The "English" descriptions are soooo terrible that you still have no idea what is actually in the dish. Oh well.

I hung out with this guy from Connecticut, Jack, last night. I met him walking into my building because he lives in the building next to mine. We have a lot in common and it was fun. We went to this place called The Spot and had some beers and smoked a hookah and just chatted for a while. I am still not entirely sure what to make of him. He's an odd kid. Very random. At one point he reached out and grabbed my wrist and was like you have big wrists! They're even bigger than mine! This was sort of hard to recover from, I had NO idea what to say in response to that. The whole so... do you have a boyfriend? bit halfway through the evening was also a little awkward but we got through it. Then on the walk home he was like ok give me your hand... and took it and then spun me... also a little strange. When I asked, what was that? he just said he wanted to see how good I was at spinning. He's also the sort that talks to strangers and is outgoing in that I don't care what you think so I will do what I want sort of way. A bit unsettling but entertaining at the same time. We'll see if we become friends I guess.

I miss everyone. I hope everyone is happy, as I don't have a single friend that doesn't deserve all the best things in life.

Boredom

2007-10-02T15:40:00.000+08:00

Since Renee and Sage left, I have done very little. I have been going rapidly through their DVD collection, taking care of Bailey, and hanging out with random people. Saturday night I went to Griff's place and we ordered food and played poker. It was very nice of him to invite me out, and I met a few people that were entertaining. Sunday night his friend Peter invited me to his party, and I went. This was a little less entertaining than Griff's, but again I met a bunch of people and was entertained and out of the house for a few hours. It was very nice of them to have me over and entertain me for a while. I have yet to meet anyone that I feel that I click with and could be friends with, but regardless, they are nice people and I have enjoyed hanging out with them.

Bailey misses Renee and Sage and I wish that I could come up with more things for us to do together but I just am not that interested in her. Is that terrible? I think I'm just sort of down right now. So far Shanghai doesn't interest me terribly. There aren't that many tourist attractions, and frankly wandering around is just not all that exciting here. It's still pretty warm outside, and the pollution sort of makes it unbearable a lot of days. Not to mention the fact that it has been raining lately, and I know I already wrote on how much I love it when it rains.

I'm really hoping that once this holiday week is over I am able to find a decent job. I think if I had something to do with myself all the time, I would be much happier. It's amazing to think that I have only been here 15 days. Blah. Here's hoping!

Departure.

2007-09-29T09:25:00.000+08:00

Today Renee and Sage left for a week long trip to Hawaii. They have a friend that is getting married in Kuai so they are going to that and making the most of the trip by staying a week. I will be here alone with Bailey. I hope that we are able to get along, so far she seems pretty upset, but I'm hoping that as the week goes on this gets better. This guard guy downstairs also just told me that she couldn't go out downstairs, but she does everyday, as do like 20 other dogs so I'm not sure what he's getting at. Oh well.

Being left here alone wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that this is a holiday week, and everything is shut down for the week. Meaning, no work, no Chinese lessons, and I don't know what will be open and what won't! I need to go grocery shopping today just in case. Renee gave a few people my number so they could invite me out while I'm here alone, so I will probably try and do that at least once.

Yesterday I went into eno at about 10 and tried to keep myself busy. Hisako keeps giving me little projects but they don't take me very long, and she's not very clear on what she wants out of them. It's sort of difficult to make myself do some of them because I don't agree with what she's doing, but I try my best to do it anyway! Then I get to tell her that I don't like it, but here's the research you wanted. I have enjoyed some of the projects, and I get to do little editing jobs. Yesterday I rewrote the email that is getting sent out to everyone announcing their new autumn gear and that was kind of cool to know that everyone on their mailing list is reading that... haha even though I basically just took a terrible draft from someone else and completely reworked it, with a few words added by Renee. Still...

I left around 6:15 again so that I could make it to my Chinese class on time, and when I left it started to rain. Now, rain doesn't normally bother me much, but here it is so disgusting. The fact that it's highly acidic due to all the pollution is one concern, but there are many factors that make it annoying. I was wearing jeans, and so the bottom of my jeans were getting soaked and mud splattered. The disgusting part is what they were getting soaked with. The rain makes everything thats already nasty, nasty and wet so that whatever it is, is spread all over the sidewalk and the smell is more potent. For example, on the walk to my Chinese lesson there are several places that sell seafood, raw seafood. How they sell them is they place the dead fish and other sea creatures in these shallow plastic bins and place those on the sidewalk (sanitary, huh? what do you mean refrigeration?). Then once the fish sells, they usually empty the remainder of the containers on the sidewalk. This is one example of how there gets to be all sorts of nasty shit everywhere. Then, when it rains, it's a thousand times worse because it just goes EVERYWHERE, so you have to walk through it instead of carefully around it. So, by the time I got to my Chinese class, my jeans were soaked with foul smelling runoff, and I was pretty sweaty because it's been rather hot here lately. Basically I was completely gross. After my Chinese lesson was over I was supposed to meet up with Renee and Sage but my phone had died during my lesson, so I had to walk all the way home to charge it up and find out that they were a block from where I just was. I didn't mind this so much though because I got to go home and shower and wash the nasty off of me.

I met up with them and a few people and got some food and drinks at this place called Malone's. The margaritas there were excellent, but that's beside the point. This guy Griff, who is an investor in eno at the age of 27 or so (crazy... to be a VC that young), wanted for us to all go out together so that I wouldn't feel awkward calling him while they are gone, and vice versa I assume. He's a nice enough guy, if he calls me I will probably make myself go out, and if not, eh. Last night was pretty fun though. Renee and Sage were there obviously, and then there was Griff, Walker (one of Sage's old friends from UNC who is currently doing a 6 month trip around the world), another guy who I think is named Alex who is visiting from Hong Kong, and Hisako, the woman who I work under at eno. We sat outside and people watched and talked while we drank and it was a nice time.

In other news, I have decided not to do the Special Olympics due to the fact that when I went to the "training session" I discovered that they are completely unorganized, and there is no guarantee that I will have something to do at the opening ceremony, despite having had to suffer through the "training session" and the promise of an equally depressing "rehearsal" on Sunday. So I quit. The job that I might have done, was to meet a VIP at point A and walk them to point B. Wow. They had more than enough volunteers so I can't say I feel bad about not doing it.

There is basically no food left in the house at this point, so I have to go grocery shopping today, and am hoping that the ayi will pick up some eggs and milk, since I don't really know where to get those. I'm sure I could figure it out if I had to, but she usually buys them so hopefully that will stay true! I need to spend some more time in the store today than I usually do and actually buy things to make as meals here. Stupid self... requiring food and care. Well I'm sure I'll update out of sheer boredom sometime soon... Adieu.

Continued

2007-09-27T09:32:00.000+08:00

First of all, I fixed my blog so that if you want you can leave comments now, I think. Now for the actual update...
Tuesday, in addition to it being my first day at eno, I went with my sister while she spoke at a NYU class here. NYU has a study abroad program here and there were about 30 kids in the class and she did a powerpoint and talked to them about herself and eno and what it's like to do business in China. I got to learn a lot about eno and got to meet suitman. Don't ask. (www.suitman.org if you really want to know.) After that we went to Moon River Diner for dinner, which is a diner here that has basically american food. Their milkshakes are awesome. I totally got one.

Yesterday was a very long day. I got up and went into eno at around 10:30 and then left around 6:20 to walk to my Chinese lesson. I actually found it on my first try, which was awesome since I left myself just enough time to walk straight there. I got there at about 6:55 so I had time to drink some water and find the new classroom. There were actually two new guys in my lesson this time. One named Manuel from Spain, and Paul from Britain. Manuel talks A LOT and really loudly. He's nice and all... but he doesn't care that the other people in the class need to practice as well. Then there's Paul, who doesn't want to try at all. They're total opposites and it's sort of amusing. Our teacher is soo nice but I think that she's getting frustrated with us. Haha, hopefully we can lift her spirits next time. I need to actually listen to the CD and practice. Hopefully I use my time wisely today.

Today I have a 2:30 interview with some hospitality agency for part time work. I have no idea what exactly it is that I would be doing with them, so I guess that I will just go and see what happens! I also have a 5:30 meeting with the Special Olympics crew for training for the ceremony. Hopefully I have something semi-interesting to do there. The tough part of today will be to get to these places. I have no idea how I am going to do that... Renee was like oh just take a cab to this one! Uh... right. It sounds so easy! I am sure I will figure it out. I also have to find food today. Why is it that living abroad always turns into a constant search for food for me? Probably because I am so damn picky. That was the excellent part about Argentina, there were a hundred places I could eat. Though I never found anything appealing in any of the local grocery stores! Oh well. I guess I should go shower and get ready to go. That means busting out my map and searching the possible walking routes.

eno

2007-09-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

Today was my first day of work at eno. I actually wasn't really planning on working at eno, but Renee offered and said that they had some marketing projects for me to work on. Turns out I am getting paid for it too. I can't imagine that it will be much but every little bit helps. I appreciate the help from Renee as always. Hisako, their marketing director, has given me a few things to work on. A lot of it is actually just surfing the web and looking at competitors sites and comparing/contrasting. I'm supposed to help design this new component of their website by looking at competitors' sites and seeing what they offer and what is good/bad about their sites. Basically I am doing marketing research. So far it's not anything that I am insanely interested in, but it's good experience and a bit of exposure to what marketing is all about. I do like the brainstorming and the research, I just don't like having to type it all up into reports. I feel like that's useless since I could just talk about it from my notes and we could play with the website, but I have to follow their rules!!

I'm still sending out a bunch of emails and resumes and stuff and waiting/hoping to hear back from a bunch of people. I am volunteering at the Special Olympics soon. I will be helping the VVIPs to their seats and helping out at the event somehow. VVIPs are Very Very Important People. These aren't quite the celebs, as those are the VVVIPs. They are very big on VIPs here.

Well, I'm actually pretty tired and am going to go and watch more episodes of Entourage with Renee and Sage before bedtime. I will finish updating about my day today and some other random things, tomorrow.

It's Beginning...

2007-09-24T21:38:00.001+08:00

So now that I have given you my impressions of Shanghai, at least some of them, I will start with some personal experiences.

The actual trip to China was relatively painless, despite a three hour delay in San Francisco. I got a window seat, and the seat next to me was empty, which enabled me to sleep at least a little bit. I usually can't sleep, but the past few trips that I have been on I have been able to. Maybe I'm just getting old.

The first few days that I was here, I didn't do much of anything, as I knew that I would have the next six months or so to explore the city and get everything done. The one thing that I did do was go and check out a few places that I could possibly take Chinese lessons. I ended up deciding on this place called MandarinHouse. I chose it mostly because Renee knew someone who took classes there and he liked them. Tonight was my first actual lesson, and turns out that my "small group" lesson is just me so far! I guess it's good because I'm essentially getting private lessons at a group price, but I would actually really love someone else in the class!! Having someone else there takes some of the pressure off of me and makes it more entertaining.

Friday was my most exciting day so far, I am just going to copy and paste what I wrote to Amy because it's easier (sorry Amy! I have changed a little bit though): I was just sort of walking around trying to explore the touristy shopping area, and maybe heading toward one of the other touristy areas, when this small group of Chinese people were like Hello!! So I responded, Hi. Then they kept talking to me, so I was like ok whatever, I'll talk to them. They were four students from Nanjing, a city sort of close to here, and they were visiting Shanghai. They saw me and saw an opportunity to practice their English. They said that they never got to practice with people who actually spoke English, just with each other. Their accents sort of showed this and I had a hard time understanding them, especially at first. So we're talking and they were like well what are your plans now?! I didn't really have any so they were like oh come to this tea ceremony with us!! This is a classic ploy here to get me to spend money, so I was hesitant but I was finally like ok whatever let's go. Turns out they really were just four students from Nanjing that wanted to practice their English. They spent more money at the tea ceremony than I did, and they translated everything for me into English. It was really sort of awkward at points because here I am in the middle of four friends, and the center of attention sort of. It was still fun though. I'm glad I went because it was something totally different. They were pretty funny and asked a lot of questions. Really nice and friendly though.

Then I got lost trying to find my way back from the random tea place. It was excellent. I was looking up at the sky, like now that skyscraper should be behind me and to my left if I were home... I found it after two hours of walking. Though, in all fairness, it was probably a little over an hour's walk anyway. So I got home, changed clothes and cooled off a little, then went to dinner with some of Renee's friends. We went to this Hunan place, which was nice. Hunan province has nothing but spicy food though so I didn't eat much, but it was still sort of entertaining to go. I am so terrible at socializing when I am in a room full of people I don't know. I had one of those terribly awkward moments where the girl next to me asked me a question to open up a conversation and I just answered it and then couldn't think of anything else to say. Awkward....

I also got to try bin jao or whatever... which is a Chinese wine that tastes absolutely nasty. They bought a $100 bottle of it... and it was still fucking disgusting. At least I can say that I had some. I also drank a lot of beer at dinner, which was better than I remember it. Apparently I had not acquired the taste of beer last time I was in China because I remember it being totally gross. (I was 15 last time so this makes total sense..) After dinner we went to this bar on the Bund called Glamour Bar. The Bund is the waterfront strip that was built up by the British in like the late 1800s and still sort of has some of its glory from those day as being touristy and high class. Of course, now it's so old that a lot of other places are nicer in town, but it's still crazy expensive and touristy. So.. there were like 11 dollar drinks at this bar, which is insane for China, so I had just one little drink... We were meeting up with Sage's "best friend" in town, Charles. A now 24 year old UNC grad that runs his own business here with his friend Kevin. So many young guys here that are fucking successful and it's ridiculous.

Renee and I left sort of early because she knew almost as few of people as I did, and had to work in the morning anyway, so we went home while Sage stayed out. Man, all the expats here party hard. No matter the age. The place was jammed with people of all ages. There were like 50 year old couples getting smashed at 1 am. Weird...

That was my Friday. Saturday I didn't do much of anything, and Sunday Renee, Sage and I wandered around. We went to the Expat Show, which we're not entirely sure what it was for other than to advertise insurance, health care and schools. Probably something that would be of use to people who had families or were completely new to Shanghai with no connections. We left pretty quickly, but it was interesting to go see. After that we went to one of the eno stores. I must say, I am pretty impressed. I really really like their stuff and will probably come home with a whole wardrobe full of eno shirts and possibly shoes. They're not that expensive, and even though I have to wear XLs because the sizing is so crazy, I like the stuff. After that we went to the DVD store, which I sort of covered last time, and then just went back home.

So far, I like things. I am still hoping to find something to do as far as work is concerned. I was supposed to go to eno today to start work on marketing projects, but it was put off until tomorrow. I am expected at the office at 9:30 am, so hopefully I will like Hisako, the marketing director, and will like the work!! I sent out a bunch of emails today for other job postings and am really hoping that I hear something back soon. I would love to get an income source.
Well, thanks for listening... Chau chau.

Welcome to Shanghai.

2007-09-23T18:47:00.000+08:00

I am officially in Shanghai. A city with over 21 million people in it, at least half a million of which are foreign. Of course, when put into perspective, half a million is really not that many. It's pretty amazing to see so many people in one place. In a lot of ways, it could be just like any other major city where you have to constantly climb over warm bodies to get into the subway car or cross the street. However, that usually tends to be at rush hour and in the busiest parts of the city. Here, it's everywhere. A neighborhood side street is teeming with people at all hours of the day and much of the night. The traffic is cluttered by literally millions of people riding their bicycles and mopeds, not to mention the millions of cars, and millions of pedestrian. (I know it sounds exaggerated with the seemingly excessive use of millions, but here it's true.)

It is extremely hard to escape here. To be alone is something that few here understand. In China, it used to be considered the highest honor to have the highest number of generations living under one roof. This is a tradition that has yet to be entirely broken.

Shanghai is a very modern city. I visited it about six years ago now, and it is almost unrecognizable. There are many high rises mixed in with the one to three story traditional family homes made of concrete, brick and mud. Chinese lanterns are strung between these buildings and these areas, strangely enough, often seem to house more people than the 20 story apartment buildings. Before, there were a few western chains in the touristy areas, and a few designer shops on the Bund, the once very upscale riverfront area that was built up by the British in the late 1800's. Now, there are more Starbucks in Shanghai than in Miami, FL, and I have never seen so many designer brands in a mall. In the nearby Plaza 66 building, there are four stories of designer shops. Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Escada, Prada, Mont Blanc, Hermes, and probably any other designer you could hope for, all under the same roof. I find it interesting that the first time I have laid eyes on some of these brands in person is in Shanghai, China. Once infamous for its knock offs, it's now famous for its designer shops.

The clash between the traditional and the modern, and the rich and the poor, is ever present here. In front of a 70-story building with gorgeous Western architecture and beautiful glass all the way up, there is bamboo scaffolding. A small run-down brick and mud house sits behind it and a little to the left, with an old woman sweeping her stoop with a broom made of the brush that grows beside her house. There are thousands of internet gaming places where the younger generations gather to gamble away their newfound wealth, or to just spend a few hours relaxing. Outside, the older generations play mah-jong and other traditional games on wooden planks lain over old crates, while sitting on their stoops and boxes.

It's not as hard to get around without Chinese anymore. There are still problems getting around the city because the overwhelming majority of the 60,000 or so taxi drivers do not speak anything but Mandarin, the subway directions are mostly in Chinese or Pin-yin, and the buses are nearly impossible to understand. There are, however, an increasing amount of foreign-friendly places to visit. Most of the bars on the Bund have people that speak enough English to get a drink out of it, and many of the restaurants around town have English on their menus. I wouldn't say that the menus are in English, but there are English words on them. I say this because you can stare at the phrases for days and still have no idea what it is supposed to mean. This happens a lot here. Even 20 story high advertisements will have such bad English on them that they are almost impossible to understand. It would probably be more amusing if you didn't think of all the money wasted on those stupid ads that the intended audience is missing because they don't understand what it says, despite it being in their native tongue.

A good example of the lack of understanding of the English language is when you look at the backs of the DVDs here. Or the fronts really. I just bought the Entourage- Complete Entirety Season. I think it's actually just the first and second, but complete entirety works too... There are also the ones that advertise it as "The worst movie ever!!!" or "Do not buy this movie under any circumstance!!!". These are printed in big print on the front, as if this is something to advertise. They take online reviews and put them on the front of the DVDs, or the backs, with no idea what they say. Often, the reviews are for the wrong movie, and there are lots of cases where the wrong movie is in the case... or you get halfway through the movie and it switches to another one... or it just doesn't work at all. The upside is I bought the Entourage season, and three other DVDs for just under $11 today, if that helps to show how cheap the DVDs are here.

I'm still adjusting to things here, and will post some more personal stuff later. So far, I can't complain too much. Tomorrow I start more of my actual life here, as I think I might be starting a project with my sister's company, and will definitely be starting Chinese lessons. Here's hoping that everything goes well... Until I write again... Adieu