Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Unbearable Lightness of Being...

Recently I read the book, the Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. I really enjoyed this book and it was one of my new favorites. It's not exactly a light read but it's entertaining and relatively easy to get through. I won't bore you with a synopsis here... because the main point of me writing this post is to post something that I wrote in a notebook after reading the book. I reread what I wrote the other day and decided that I wanted to share it... So here it is!

"If we have only one life to live, we might as well not have lived at all."

I'm not sure how much I agree with this quote, and I doubt Kundera truly felt this way, but it certainly brings up a lot of questions. He makes some valid points... Why bother to live your whole life learning lessons and knowing what you would do with a second chance if you will never be presented with a chance to apply your newfound sagacity? What's the point? Why must we toil here on earth to die only knowing what we would have done better or what we don't necessarily regret? It would make more sense to reenter the world and have a chance to undo your regrets and redo your greatest joys with the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate them more. I'm sure many people leave this world with few or no regrets, but who doesn't wish they had enjoyed certain parts of their life a little more or wouldn't change a single thing about the life they lived? I'd wager not many. I can't help but feel that countless people have figured out the key to a happy and successful life on their deathbed - either at peace at last, or deeply saddened by their inability to put it to use. The bitch of it all is that I don't believe there is a universal key to happiness and a good life... each person has their own. Figuring yours out on your deathbed is not only useless to you, but also to the world around you. Life can be pretty cruel, I think.


Remember... that was written in a notebook so it's not the most coherent writing but I don't feel like redoing it. I still agree with what I wrote, and while I certainly don't agree that we might as well not have lived at all, I agree that it does seem slightly cruel to only have one shot at life. Sure we can apply some lessons learned to later situations in life, but what about those lessons learned that never find a place again in our life? What good did they really do us? Wouldn't you rather just have the chance to not make that mistake in the first place?

Just something to think about... or not...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A 6th sense...

Ever just know that something is going to happen? I get this feeling a lot, and while sometimes it's just my paranoia getting the better of me, often I'm right. As a result, I try listen to my instincts and intuitions when I get one of these "feelings". I figure it's better to be safe than sorry. This morning, however, I didn't. Early on in the cab ride I realized that things weren't going to go well. I was sitting in the back being thrown about as the cab driver slammed on his brakes to avoid the other car... and then pulled up alongside it and rolled down his window to yell at the other driver. They screamed at each other for a few minutes and then we continued driving to my office. We almost made it, too. About 3 blocks from my office I feel the car lurch forward. I look behind me and there is a rather large van smashed up against the back of the taxi. No, this was not the same car. This was an entirely unrelated incident that happened maybe 7 minutes after our earlier incident.

I sort of just sighed, having known that something was bound to happen on this particular taxi ride, got out of the car and walked to work. It wasn't anything terrible or tragic, thankfully, just annoying. The main reason I felt like sharing this was because I knew before it happened that something was going to happen on that taxi ride... This is the third accident I have been in the vehicle for in less than 10 months. That's just shameful.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

How is it that time passes so quickly?

Seriously.... I can't believe it has almost been a week since I last updated. I also can't believe that it is already August 20th. I have less than two months left of work... and about two and a half months before I will be in Seattle.

I have decided that the absolute last day I will work is October 21st. Andrew arrives on October 22nd and I want my time to be free to spend with him and enjoy Shanghai a little before I leave.( I'm also determined to make the nursery and apartment look awesome before I abandon the apartment, which will take time.) While he is in Jingdezhen I will probably try and do a bit of traveling around China. I want to make it out to Xi'An to see the terra cotta warriors... and I want to go to Chengdu to see the pandas. I also want to go to Yangshuo, Kunming, and a variety of other little cities I have heard good things about. I have also decided that the day I will leave China is November 5th. I plan on buying my ticket soon so that I cannot talk myself into staying longer... which is a very real possibility.

I really like living here. There are certainly times where it is exhausting and all I want is to be able to hop in my car and drive to the grocery store and drown myself in all the food that I can't get here, but for the most part I like it. It's not as easy as living in the States or somewhere that speaks a language that I am familiar with, but it's not impossible either. I worry that I will be bored out of my skull when I return to the States. There is just so much going on here... there's always something to see or something to talk about. I know for a fact that for the rest of my life a lot of my sentences will start with "In China," "When I was living in China," etc... same goes for any other place that I have lived or will live in the future. It's part of living abroad, and while people will probably come to hate me for it... I'm warning you now. I have been told by others that have lived here and returned to their homeland that it annoys the shit out of their friends after a while, and I'm a little apprehensive about this... but I trust that my friends will embrace and accept me for who I am... Now picture my voice shaking and my knees quaking a little while I say that.. That's better.

Maybe once I'm in Atlanta I can push the "play" button on my life. Lately I find myself playing the "When I..." game that I hate playing. I've never been someone to put off shit until someday or some future goal that I'm unsure is actually attainable or whatever. I'm used to doing what I want... and I hate this limbo shit. I'm looking forward to not having anymore excuses. Now if I could only figure out what the hell it is that I want to do with my life, I would be set!

In other news... the English class that I was teaching twice a week at a cafe was canceled. A part of me is sad about this because that class let me meet a lot of new people and I really enjoyed the students... but another part of me is glad to have those two nights a week back. I really didn't put as much into the class as I should have or even wanted to because I simply don't have the time or energy to dedicate to it. Working full time during the day and teaching 4 nights a week takes a toll... but now that's over and I have free time again! It will be a nice change I think.

Also.. a big change for me is that Renee left for Seattle! She left on Monday morning and will not be back to Shanghai until December 1st or so. I was sad to see her go, and will miss her, but I'm excited for her! I'm definitely set on throwing her a post-birth baby shower that will kick ass. I'll prove myself to be a good sister yet! (I hope..) So for now it is just me and Sage in the apartment, which hasn't been awkward yet and I hope that keeps up. There's no reason that it should be... we just haven't spent a whole lot of time alone because you know.. he's my sister's hubby so she's always been there. I'm not worried, though. He leaves the 4th and is taking the dog to go and stay with Renee and baby, so I'll be alone after that. I'm anxious to see how I'll fare without them here. Hopefully nothing goes horribly wrong!

I'm excited to be an aunt!! :)

Friday, August 15, 2008

A different kind of literacy?

This has nothing to do with China. I will blog about China again soon, but I want to sort of pose this question to you all. Your thoughts are appreciated because I'm genuinely curious what your take on this is.

There was an article in the NY Times recently titled Online, R U Really Reading? that sort of outlines the debate of whether or not reading online is really reading. The article itself is nothing groundbreaking, but the topic in general and a lot of the comments were sort of interesting. The gist of the article is that children are growing up reading articles online, blogs, facebook, texts, and stories written on sites like quizilla.com and fanfiction.net rather than actually reading books. Some parents and teachers think that it's great that at least the students are reading and writing... but then there's the counterargument that what they're doing is not really reading or writing.

There was also an article a while back in the Atlantic with the title Is Google Making Us Stupid? Both of these articles argue that we read very differently online than we do when we are reading a book, and that this may be affecting our ability to read. In the Atlantic article, the author says that he has a harder time sitting down and enjoying a long book now as a result of spending so much time browsing online. It is true that the internet can be very distracting, and is not exactly helpful for people with a short attention span. I find myself often skimming articles instead of fully reading them, and bouncing about a lot from page to page. It's rare that I will spend an hour reading something online without flipping to facebook or a blog or clicking on one of the links in whatever it is that I am reading (generally there is an abundance of links either within the body of the text that I am reading, or surrounding it).

While it may be true that we are living in a digital era, and our ability to effectively sift through a massive amount of information online is much more valuable in the professional world than the ability to sit and absorb a 1,000 page book, I still can't help but agree that these children who don't know the joy of picking up an actual book are missing out on something great. Obviously, it would be even better if they were reading authors actually worth reading, but frankly, I would rather see people reading Danielle Steel and the ilk than getting their only exposure to the written word via a site like quizilla. I've spent some time on this site and fanfiction to see what it is the kids are talking about. I wanted to actually do some research before rushing to a conclusion... but I can't say I really like what I found.

Truth be told, some of the stories have amazing potential... especially considering the age of some of the authors. However, they are desperately in need of proofreading and editing. There are so many spelling and grammatical errors in those stories that it's a bit shameful that these kids are in their last couple of years of high school. I don't even mean typos... I mean blatant errors. Using seen, as in "I seen it" and starring instead of staring... every other line. Some of the writers seem to not realize that you're is in no way the same as your and that there are in fact, three different there's (there, their, they're). I'm exceptionally critical of bad spelling and grammar... and I know that I fuck it up often, and I always hang my head a little when I look back and realize my mistake. My blog is not exactly a shining example of how to write... what with the ellipses that don't fit in and the incomplete sentences and awkward sentence structures. I know that I'm not the greatest writer, nor do I pretend to be. I don't proof my stuff until after it's published most of the time, so inevitably it is loaded with errors since all of my blogs are in the stream of consciousness style. I write whatever pops into my head, and I don't think in grammatically correct sentences.

Having said that, I would never want someone to read my blog as their sole source of literature. To me, this is unacceptable. I think there is a lot to gain from reading a book that you can't necessarily accomplish while reading something online. Aside from the fact that an actual book is edited and therefore much more enriching to a student's ability to distinguish good grammar from bad, it's also hard to really get swept up into a story online and to spend hours reading it. The NYT article points out that children's reading comprehension levels are at an all time low, and I hate to admit that I fully agree that it is because most children don't read nearly as much as they used to. Even my generation, a lot more people read online versus reading a printed book. It's a whole new argument if whether or not reading Shakespeare in print varies from reading it online... one that I would like to see made and tested.

I've always loved reading books. I grew up reading all the time, and I still read every chance I get. Sometimes, I don't have the time, patience or the energy to throw myself into a book, but it's still a time that I relish and I can't get into reading novels on a screen. However, I prefer online articles to actual magazines or newspapers. They're easier to read and I can immediately do more research and delve a little deeper into the topic, especially since many such articles come equipped with a bevy of links to similar articles and sources. Lately, I've also come to appreciate some of the stories on quizilla, despite their flaws, because they offer a fresh source of literature from an unlikely source. Blogs are also something that I immensely enjoy reading for this same reason. I like that I can read ordinary people's work and don't have to rely only on the great minds' of the world for my written entertainment. Which is better? It's hard to say...

The Atlantic article's author says that he has a harder time losing himself in a big, thick, book these days. Spending so much time online is affecting his attention span and his ability to settle into a book. Honestly, I have found the same to be true for me. The more I read online and the more I neglect my printed books, the harder it becomes to sink back into them. If I pay equal attention to both and make sure that I am still reading on a regular basis, my reading habits remain relatively unaffected. What does this say? You could argue that my reading material is to blame, or my laziness, but I'm not so sure. At any rate, these articles are thought provoking. I don't fully agree or fully disagree with either one. I think it's important for our youth to be able to read online, but I also think it's important for them to be able to read a good, old-fashioned book. I hope the book never goes out of style... I will never grow tired of cracking a new cover and listening to the pages rustle as I turn the page. Putting down a finished book is satisfying in a way that closing the browser window will never be for me.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

My birthday!

Today's my birthday! I'm turning 23. No, I don't feel any older.. the main thing is that I can't believe it's only been a year since I moved to China... and I can't believe it's already been a year. I don't even remember my 22nd birthday... it feels like a lifetime ago - which is troubling.

At any rate, today has been pretty great so far. I woke up and was greeted with phone calls from my grandparents and my mom, as well as cheery birthday greetings from Renee, Sage and Bailey (even though she's a dog.. I could feel the birthday love). Then I got some emails and some facebook messages and IMs... all of which made me smile and think how much I love my friends!! Work was pretty mellow, too, which was nice.

Andrew forgot my birthday, of course. I was anticipating this, so wasn't that upset when it happened, as he forgot his own birthday just a week ago. I told him he better be thankful that I am his girlfriend and not some girl that would go crazy about it. I won't say that I don't care that he forgot, because it is sort of annoying... but I just don't care enough to let it really bother me or make a big deal about it. I was expecting it, so it was relatively easy to just brush it off. If we're living together next year and he forgets, though, I'll hurt him. Just saying.

To celebrate, Renee and Sage are taking me out for dinner tonight, though I don't know where. They want to surprise me! I'm excited for a dinner out... it's been a while since I've hung out with them actually. Right after I got back from Australia they left for Beijing so it's been like 3 1/2 weeks since we've spent any real time together. Renee leaves on the 18th, too, so we don't have too much time left to hang out! It will be sad to go from living with her to never seeing her again. Oh well, such is life as a member of my family.

Thanks to those that gave me birthday wishes. I love my friends!! They're the best.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

A Bloody Fantastic Day

Seriously. Today has been great. Renee and Sage are in Beijing until tomorrow so I have the place to myself. I love living with them and will be eternally grateful to them for letting me live here, but damn it's nice to be alone sometimes.

The low point of my day was being awoken at 8:30 this morning by Andrew calling me. He thought it was Friday (yes, he still forgets that there is a 12 hour time difference and I am ahead those 12 hours). After getting in numerous arguments over the past almost year (fuck!) about me being the one to always call him and me being pretty much fucking fed up with his excuse that he thinks about me all the time but just forgets to contact me... he set an alarm on his phone to call me M-F at 8:30 am. During the work week, this is fine. From 8:30 to 9 is when I am getting dressed and preparing to leave, so I have a bit of time to say hello how are you and do the obligatory I love you and I miss yous. The problem is that his M-F is slightly off from mine... His Monday is my Tuesday and his Friday is my Saturday. This alarm has been in play for 3 weeks, and for 2 of those weeks he has forgotten and called me on Saturday morning. 

The last time it happened, we were all awake, thankfully. I wasn't this time so it sort of pissed me off and then he had nothing to say so it pissed me off even more that he woke me up at 8:30 on a Saturday with nothing to say. For some reason it also bothered me that he made a conscious decision not to watch the opening ceremonies even though he "has watched every one since he was born." Don't ask me why this bothered me, I couldn't tell you. I will tell you, though, that I am incredibly fed up with long distance. I've had it up to here *waves arms way over head* with long distance. Not because we're arguing a lot or anything... I'm just not a "distance makes the heart grow fonder" kinda gal. I just feel single again. The sort of sad part is that my love life right now is exactly like it was when I was single. I was never a girl that dated. No one ever asked and I was ok with that most days. I developed crushes because they're fun and sometimes I'd chase guys just for the hell of it, with no idea what I would actually do if I got them. I never got them, and I'm a bit of a prude, so I wasn't getting any. Yep... it's about the same.
 
Back to my day... After getting off the phone with him, I decided to shake it off, make some eggs and watch some Olympics. After breakfast, I took Bailey out and she was really quick which was a nice change since lately she's been lying down outside the door refusing to reenter the building until we run around some more. I finished the chicklit book I've been reading, and decided I was in the mood for more of the same so picked up Bridget Jones and read that. Then I put on Bridget Jones 2 (the movie) and walked/ran on the treadmill for an hour, lifted some weights and did some headstands and stretches. 

I've either gained a lot of weight recently or have just become more aware of the fact that I am overweight. Either way, I've decided to stop some bad habits and work on developing some better ones. As of tomorrow, I am swearing off soda. This will be hard for me. Not because I am in love with soda (though I sort of am), but because the idea of not being allowed to have it will drive me nuts. It's for my own good though. Remind me of that when I bitch later about not being able to drink it. I have never dieted or had a real exercise regimen before in my life, but I figure it's about time. I'm only going to get fatter with age so might as well start trying to control that now. (Please note that this is not a plea for compliments. I don't give a fuck if you think I'm skinny, fat, pretty or pretty ugly. No offense... but 85% of the time I don't care what I look like and even less of the time do I care what I look like for the sake of other people. It happens, sure. Just not that often.)
 
Anyway, working out felt great. I feel weird walking on the treadmill and doing weights and stretches and shit with Renee and Sage in the same room. I don't mind going to the gym, but I sort of prefer to do it in my own living room, by myself. So with them out of town, I had to take advantage of the fact that I have a completely free Saturday and an empty house! I worked out for like two hours and it was magnificent.
 
After that I decided to do some light cleaning, so I did the dishes, did some laundry and just tidied up some stuff. Despite the fact that I am definitely not the tidiest person in the world, I do really enjoy cleaning. Not all the time, but I get the cleaning bug a lot where I just feel the need to scrub something and to reorganize my closet and wipe down my ceiling fan and do all sorts of other random crap. Considering the fact that my room was always a fucking disaster zone when I was a teenager, this is remarkable and something that my family still doesn't buy. Sadly, living here has deprived me of my ability to have my cleaning binges, because we have an ayi so I feel stupid cleaning up when we're already paying someone else to do it. Plus, this is still Renee and Sage's house so I don't feel as free to just rearrange and tidy up their stuff as I would in a house that was mostly mine or I at least paid rent in. (I've offered many times...) Since they're coming back tomorrow, though, I decided it would be nice to clean up since the ayi won't be here until Monday and I don't want them coming home to a dirty house. 

I put on some music, grabbed the dish soap, and danced around in my underwear and a skimpy tank while doing the dishes. It was nice not to have to get fully dressed in honor of the other people in the house. I miss the days when I was able to just walk around in a bra and shorts and feel ok about it. Renee isn't like that though, and since I'm living with her and her husband, I feel it's weird to just walk out in my bra. Today there was no fear of having to rush to my room to put some clothes on when someone came home, so I proudly danced around rather indecently and tidied up the house. It was glorious. 

It's only 9 p.m. on a Saturday, and I have no plans for tonight. Sometimes I think it's rather sad
just how much I enjoy being home alone on a Friday or Saturday night. Randomly I will feel compelled to go out, but to be honest, a small part of me is thrilled when there are mounds of dishes for me to do or cooking to be done at home so that I can pretend to be busy and not have to go anywhere. On that note:

Signs that you may be lame:
1) You constantly find excuses not to go out partying when people ask you. 
2) You aren't that sad when people stop asking.
3) You look forward to being home alone so you can dance around in your underwear and do the dishes.
4) A good weekend is one where you don't leave the house or talk to anyone, but get a lot of sleep and read a lot. 
5) I think you get the point.

If you, too, suffer from lameness and would like to talk to someone about it, call me at 1-800-IMLAME2. Just don't call on Friday or Saturday nights. I will be terribly busy doing dishes or reorganizing my closet or reading a book or something equally interesting. Speaking of which, the washing machine's beeping... 

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Olympics...

I am currently watching the Opening Ceremonies!!! I can't believe the Olympics are already here... Currently the USA delegation is walking across the screen and I can't believe how many fucking people we have. Most countries have well under 200 people and we have almost 600. Of course, I think we compete in almost every event. I never really paid attention to the fact that there were countries that came to the Olympics with only one or two athletes before. I also never realized how few women there are from most countries. Watching this ceremony, however, I realize that we are definitely the exception. 

I don't think that I will be going to Beijing to see any events there, but I do think I will try and get tickets to some of the soccer games that are taking place here in Shanghai. On Sunday I went to the USA vs. Russia expo game here in Shanghai. It wasn't the best game I've ever seen, but the halftime show was really freaking cool, and we did win. 

The most exciting part about having that game here and the USA vs. Australia game is that the teams were all staying at a hotel near me. (The Ritz in the Portman building) This is the same place as the Starbuck's that I meet my student in, so I got to see Team USA and Team Russia. I saw all the players up close and realized how fucking tall they really are. I also spoke to Jason Kidd. I'm not going to lie, I don't pay attention to players. I love watching sports, but I don't care enough to find out people's names and memorize their faces. Therefore, I had no idea who he was when I spoke to him, I just knew he was a player. It was a brief conversation, and I did not ask for any autographs from any of them because I couldn't give a shit if I have their signature or not. It was just cool to see them. 

The shit part is that they had really increased security in the hotel. The Starbucks doesn't have a bathroom so you have to go into the hotel lobby... and to get into the hotel lobby I had to go through a metal detector and put my bags through a scanner. When my bags came out the other end, the guy wanted to open the spaghetti sauce I had literally just bought at the grocery store in the same little complex. I basically said, "No. I just bought this next door. Here's the receipt." The guy let me go without opening my spaghetti sauce. I'm not sure what just opening it would have done anyway. What was he going to do? Sniff it and declare that everything's good because it still smells like tomatoes? Anyway, I just had to take a piss and I wasn't about to let him open my $6 bottle of spaghetti sauce for that. I would rather have left. 

Security in general in China has gone a little nuts. There have been so many changes here. It's hard to explain and I can honestly say that you have to live here to really understand, but suffice it to say that they are taking no chances. At least on the surface. I really hope nothing goes wrong this Olympics. I can't tell you how devastating it would be to China to have some massive terrorist attack on something public here during the Olympics. I think they happen relatively frequently here, just not in Shanghai or Beijing. They're not letting anyone on buses or subways without checking their bags first though. Getting around in Beijing is probably a bit of a bitch right now if you want to take public transport. The roads are really empty, though, from what I have heard. They took like 90 percent of the cars off the road. 

The level of control here is truly amazing. The fact that they can shut down factories and demand drivers to empty the roadways without offering any real alternative or monetary compensation (which they don't) is pretty amazing. They have shut down a lot of retail outlets that they feel are in vulnerable positions, like in the subways, in order to reduce security threats. The restaurants behind the Portman were closed while the basketball teams were here because they shared an entryway with the courts where the players practiced. 

At any rate, with all of this preparation I really hope that China can pull this off. I think they  can... One story that made me laugh recently though was the uproar over four American cyclists arriving in Beijing with masks on. Chinese people were really offended by this for some reason. I would just like to say that even though, yes, the pollution in Beijing is the best it's been in a while.... there is still a lot of pollution. Despite what Chinese people like to think... it does affect you. Especially if you're continuously exerting yourself outside. I know a lot of people who have developed coughs here or have problems with their asthma due to the air quality. Also, there are a lot of Chinese people who wear masks, though come to think of it, I have seen a lot fewer these last couple of months. 

The weather in Shanghai has been great!! I have been able to see clouds, the sky has had different shades of blue as well as a few other colors peeking through at sunset, and I have been able to clearly see the moon for the past few days. I'm not sure what they're doing, but it's working. It's still obviously polluted, but it looks a lot better. 

Well, that's all I have to say for now I think. I am really excited to watch some events and to see how the US does. For the first time in a long time it slightly matters to me how the Olympics turn out. The last time I remotely pretended to care was when they were in Atlanta, and that was only because my sister was living in Atlanta at the time. Here's hoping I can get some soccer tickets and get a chance to actually go to a real 2008 Olympics game!!! It should be a fun couple of weeks.