New beginnings (again..)

I have now been in NYC for almost 4 months. Really not that long of a time, but I feel amazingly settled in. My transition to living here was definitely one of the easiest I have ever made. I won't pretend that I know all the ins and outs, or could tell you exactly where to go to get a good cupcake or anything (cupcakes are still really popular here), but I know my way around the subway lines pretty well at this point and feel really comfortable wandering the streets.

Living in America is definitely easier than living in a city overseas, but I still miss it sometimes! I'm extremely glad that I moved here and gave it a shot - because I definitely am much happier here than I ever could have been in Jacksonville, FL. I am a big city kind of girl. I miss the stars and the beach, but I love the hustle and bustle and walking down the city streets.

This is titled new beginnings because I have switched organizations. I now work at Planned Parenthood. My job at my previous organization quickly went to shit when my supervisor and I stopped getting along and we realized that our end goals weren't exactly meshing. I won't go into detail- but let's just say that it wasn't working out, so I was transferred here.

Today is day 6 and so far I really like it!! Everyone is extremely nice and welcoming and the sort of work they're doing here is much more my speed than the business services that were being carried out at my previous org. I'm working on a campaign to get comprehensive sex-ed into public schools in NYC by recruiting parents to push the principals to implement the available curriculum. As someone who grew up with probably too much sex-ed by my dear mother, I was never confused as to what sex was or what exactly a condom was and how to use it. However, I know most kids aren't blessed with parents as open as my own, and most schools don't offer much help (scary pictures of genital warts don't count). As such, I fully support this initiative and am excited about working on it!!

Something that's interesting about working here is figuring more out about what I believe. I've been reading up on feminism, the pro/anti-choice battle, sex-ed, and all sorts of other political and personal issues. I've always categorized myself as pro-choice because I truly believe that it is important for each of us to be in charge of our own bodies. For too long women were used as baby machines and it wasn't our choice whether or not we had children. For me, being forced to keep a child in my womb that I didn't want would be torture. Having a child that had been forced into me would be even worse. (I avoid saying that I only support abortion when it's a result of rape or because the mother is in danger because I don't believe that - but I do think it is especially important to support a woman's right to choose in those instances.) Having said that, I think it is an extremely difficult choice and I'm not sure that I would make that choice myself- but like many freedoms- I believe it's very important to allow each individual to make that decision for themselves. A woman's body doesn't suddenly belong to someone else just because she is pregnant.

Feminism is another issue that I keep running into here. Obviously, I am a feminist, as well as a humanist. I have been for ... a long time - but reading certain publications and peoples' opinions makes me realize that I haven't been the best one, and I have avoided categorizing myself as one before. There are many negative stereotypes associated with being a feminist, but the more feminists I meet (and love!) the more I realize that those stereotypes are completely ridiculous and I will never again refuse to label myself as such.

Also- I really kinda want a tattoo.

Unsure ...

Lately I have been doing research on global climate change, peak oil predictions and a variety of other environmental issues.

I just don't understand. People complain about governments putting out a call to the people of America to volunteer their time and encouraging civic engagement, and people complain about "large government" requiring green building practices. Why? Who can we possibly be hurting by conserving energy, planting trees and promoting open spaces? What is wrong with encouraging each other to volunteer our time to accomplish these things and more?

I fully agree that certain policies are flawed and that there are things being done that probably aren't entirely necessary and certainly not cost-effective. (LEED certification for one) However, I also feel that anything that reduces our impact on this planet and uses less of what the Earth gives us is a positive change. Resources are finite, populations are increasing, as are disasters that make it more and more difficult to come by things like food, water and even oil. The world does have a history of climate change, so I am not convinced that we can control the droughts and hurricanes or that we are wholly responsible for them, but I do believe that we currently have a greater impact on the Earth than we should.

Oil is a finite resource. That is a fact. Asthma rates in the world are up. That is a documented fact and it is widely accepted that this is in great part due to pollution. Pollution is caused by man. Therefore our impact is causing higher rates of childhood asthma and whatever other illnesses have been linked to pollution. (I haven't done the research to know exactly what those are or how reliable the studies are that link things such as truck emissions to learning disorders.)

Plus, pollution is just nasty. How many of you have ever avoided swimming in a river or ocean due to the level of trash or knowing that something was recently dumped into it? (Anyone in Jacksonville knows exactly what river I'm talking about...)

How is having our government regulate our industrial/commercial environmental impact a negative? We have proven that we will not spend the money or make the effort to do so without the regulations, or it would already be done.

I am as guilty as the next person of not doing everything I could to "save the planet." Honestly, I will probably never be one of those people that goes to any sort of extreme or puts myself in discomfort to do my part... but I do try to do the little things that I believe add up if we all do it. I will probably never compost, but I go out of my way to make sure my plastic bottles end up in a recycle bin rather than a trash can. I refuse plastic bags 90% of the time now and those that I do take I am sure to reuse at least once. If nothing else, I figure we will have more usable land that is not being taken up by plastic bags and bottles. We all need to reduce how much we use and how much we waste. I don't see the point in arguing that...

Take this rant how you will. I'm not a die hard hippie or a crazy environmental activist. (though I guess I'm turning into an activist). I welcome dissenting opinions and opposing research if you have any - and if you agree let me know. I'm curious what people I know think. There was a report released recently that claims that the environment is the 2nd most popular voting issue for those of us under 29. Since it is not something that generally comes up in conversation with my peers, I doubt its validity, but maybe I'm wrong?

A love note...

I just want to say that I had an amazing weekend. I saw some great people, had a lot of fun, got a new purse which I desperately needed (as much fun as it is coming up with a handful of threads everytime I grab something from my current purse...) and fell in love with the Met.

I absolutely love living somewhere that has amazing museums that have suggested admission fees. This means that I give whatever change is in my pocket as my admission fee. When I went to the Museum of Natural History it was $2.50. A steal compared with the $16 they ask for. My grandparents were in town today so they paid my entry to the Met but I am definitely going back first chance I get. I'm not even that heavy into art and I adored it.

Art's cool - don't get me wrong. We're pals, I'm just not one of those people that needs 18 hours in one room with it. I admire it from afar and pretend like I know what I'm talking about (I honestly know zilch about art but it's pretty so I like it.) I want to know more about it and get a bit more exposure to it so living here is awesome for that. The Met is one of the cooler art museums I have been to - and I have been to a fucking lot of them. My favorites are still the Louvre (duh) and the Reina Sofia (Madrid - Guernica is one of the coolest fucking things I've ever seen), but the Met is up there. I can't wait to make it to MOMA and the Guggenheim. Oh and hopefully a couple others of the 572 art museums here.

I think NYC and I might be soul mates.

Too soon?

A mess to be made...

I am totally a mess today. I woke up tired and with zero will to get out of bed. I am sore from restarting my yoga efforts. (the yoga feels amazing - the aftermath a little less so) I am totally PMSing (TMI I know but deal with it) and I have a date tonight that I am just so not in the mood for.

While I'm sort of proud of myself for actually going on a date - I'm realizing that I have serious issues with dating. I have limited dating experience but generally speaking I hate it. It's so awkward and I hate dealing with expectations and all the bullshit that goes into getting to know someone new. I feel very strange getting to know someone with the intention of either having a sexual or long term relationship with them. (Because really isn't it always about one or the other? Or both?) The fact that I'm sort of a prude and don't really think I want a long term relationship at the moment make dating seem sort of fruitless and pointless. However I am hesitant to shut myself off completely - it's not like I don't need the practice...

Date one is usually OK (at least when I don't immediately realize that I totally don't enjoy the other person's company). Date two is typically good actually but then date three I enter into what the fuck am I doing panic mode. I haven't made it past date three yet. Tonight is date two (but third time seeing each other) and I'm totally dreading it. I'm in a very cranky, undatelike mood. Yay.... (I will be single forever)

In other news- still loving NYC. Love the city and my job and pretty much everything I've experienced. It's way less intense for me than Shanghai but so much more engaging and exciting than Jacksonville. I have no idea how long I will stay here but so far I like it a lot. I can't shake the feeling of wanting to go back overseas... but as far as the US is concerned NYC is at the top of my list for places I could see myself actually living long term. Naturally, this may be in large part because I haven't spent much time in large cities in the US, but I would like to ignore this fact for now.

Grad school is something I'm starting to think more and more about as I realize that I miss going to classes and learning things. I'm also learning more about which field I might possibly want to enter into which is inspiring. I'm becoming a bit more focused in my pursuits but am still nervous about trying to break back into school and the whole application/rejection process. I should have taken the GRE when I was in undergrad... here's hoping I'm smarter when I take it than I was back then.

I think that's more than enough personal information for one day. G'night y'all.

Pennies, Pennies Everywhere

Today marks the close of my second full week in New York City. I'm totally still alive. Good news all around.

In all seriousness though... I really like it so far. Sometimes I am still a bit overwhelmed as I always am in a new city. I struggle to find my way around and find decent places to shop, grab a bite to eat or set up my picnic lunch. Other than the normal getting to know you pains that accompany any move - things are going pretty smoothly so far. I have a place to live, a job, friends, some money and an interest in my surroundings. There hasn't been a whole lot that I don't like yet - though I am sure that I will discover more of that as time goes on. I even like my local laundromat. (and it's lots cheaper than any laundromat in FL - crazy right?)

You might be wondering - why the title? Well a very strange pattern has emerged during my time here. I have found at least one penny every day I have been here. I have picked up about 20 cents in the past two weeks. This totally fascinates me for some reason. I just don't understand why there are so many pennies around. Are New Yorkers just so rich that they overlook all the money on the ground? Is it beneath them to stop and pick up the pennies? Or am I just totally underestimating the nastiness of the NYC streets by touching something that has been on the ground for God only knows how long?

Whatever the reason for the pennies I will continue to pick them up. Hasn't anyone ever heard of that saying? "See a penny, pick it up - all day long you'll have good luck." Maybe the pennies have been fueling my good times so far. I wonder how long I'll continue to find pennies on a regular basis... Maybe I should look up more often?

Nah.

New York New York

Today marks my 6th day in New York City. So far I have remained quite busy and have enjoyed my time. I fell right into looking for an apartment and after three days of looking found one that I think that I will really like. I will be living with 3 strangers - but the place is in a great area, furnished, and is a very reasonable price for the area.

For those of you that don't yet know what I am doing - I am doing AmeriCorps. This was launched as a sort of domestic Peace Corps. More specifically I am a VISTA - which is the part of AmeriCorps that deals exclusively with combating poverty in the US. Some of the links to poverty are loose and some are very clear cut. Regardless, all VISTAs receive a very modest stipend every month for what is officially volunteer work. It is meant to be enough to live on, but is also meant to keep us at the poverty level.

During the next year I will be working full time and making little more than I was making working part time in retail over the past 6 months. We are not allowed to have a second source of income - not selling jewelry we make or babysitting or anything. The idea behind this is so that we may know what it is really like to live on so little money. To struggle to feed ourselves and to not have money for luxuries. I am not convinced that this strategy will work - and I feel as though it is inherently flawed in a lot of ways. (For instance many people are living at home with their parents while doing this or are receiving money from their parents for assistance - why is this OK but not actually working for it?)

It will be a challenge for me, who has never wanted for anything, to constantly be struggling with money. I have taken it on as a personal challenge and I am sure that I will succeed- which might be a problem. I have been very lucky in my life to have a family who has helped and supported me - but also to have one that taught me to handle my money so well. Part of why I have been able to travel as extensively as I have and have never wanted for anything is because of my ability to make the most of what I have and to prioritize my spending.

While I poke fun at myself for having a $10 rule while shopping (I have a hard time paying more than ten dollars for any one item of clothing) it is this rule along with my general abstinence from buying myself little luxuries that has afforded me the ability to travel the world. Occasionally I find myself breaking my rules, and despite the fact that I rather enjoy it, I try to stay on track. There are still so many places I wish to travel and so many things in life that I wish to see and do that will require discipline with my money that I can't bring myself to blow it on a purse or a new pair of jeans.

This discipline I have practiced throughout the years will come in handy over the next year, but without the payoff of a trip! This will probably be hard for me to accept and I will have a hard time truly not being able to buy clothes rather than just preferring not to spend my money on them. There is a huge difference and I'm not quite sure how I will handle it.

The not being able to spend money on food thing will be relatively easy for me. For a while I always ate toast and tea or coffee (made at home) for breakfast and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some grapes or raisins or something for lunch. I am great about packing my lunch and taking it to work with me and I do enjoy cooking. The problem will be when people ask me to go out with them for dinner or drinks. I am trying to budget in a small amount of money for my entertainment each month and I really, really hope that I pull it off. The first month will be the most interesting for me. I am going to have to learn my way around the city and my new neighborhood- experimenting with grocery stores and coupons and the like to get the most for my money. Being thrifty requires a lot of leg work.

I'm currently participating in my Pre-Service Orientation for AmeriCorps VISTA and am at a hotel in downtown Manhattan with close to 200 other "volunteers" for the upcoming year. We have been trying to "build relationships" and discuss our thoughts on poverty and service in NYC. We all have different opinions, and while I feel that a lot of us have a lot in common I have been caught off guard about a few things and have surely made an ass of myself. I love that people here correct me when I'm wrong about things in America. Being here and interacting with people from all over the US with regard to American problems for once has been really enlightening. I've spent so much time overseas and worrying about America's international agenda that I've failed to learn a lot about what goes on in my own country.

Being in New York is great for me for that reason. I feel that even though I am still in America, NYC is so very different from Florida and Jacksonville in particular that it's sort of like being in a different country. I don't feel as isolated or as far away from home for a lot of reasons - but I definitely notice that I'm out of my element! It's great and I'm excited about learning more about the rest of America!!

I'm truly excited about my upcoming service - and while I'm terrified that I'll do a horrible job or absolutely hate my organization or my coworkers or just be totally unprepared and overwhelmed in every way possible - I can't wait to start. I've always wanted to dedicate myself to helping others in one way or another and I am finally getting that chance. Hopefully I am not disappointed.

I'll update more later - I know this is already really long. Wish me luck and come visit me in NYC!!

Adventures!

OK so I'm a bit of a strange girl in the sense that I have no problem going places by myself. I will eat dinner by myself, chill at a coffee shop for hours with my ipod and book (ok it's usually just my book), and even go to a bar and get a drink by myself.

I don't mind being alone. I don't mean alone in the bigger sense of the word, just in the immediate "hey, I'm here by myself" sense. I would probably wither away and die without people in my life, so I'm very grateful to have so many wonderful people in it - even the ones I only get to talk to online make me feel like my life has meaning of some sort. However, I do not require someone to go to the movies with and I don't really have a problem sitting at a bar drinking a beer and reading a book, or even just enjoying the music being played. I know that I look really pathetic, and people typically assume that I have been stood up or am waiting for someone - but who cares?

I bring all of this up because I have been acting on my impulses to do things by myself a lot more lately. I've been to a few bars by myself and have enjoyed it for the most part. The whole experience has been sort of interesting because I have zero experience with getting hit on and handling myself around men. I've been in a couple of relationships and dated a few people - but none that I ever met outside of school/friends/work. I'm not the sort of girl that gives out her phone number usually and I typically brush men off when they do approach (which to be fair, in the past wasn't all that often.)

I'm not entirely sure what's changed but the past couple of months I've been approached by a lot more guys. I even had a guy at a local sandwich shop ask me for my number a couple of weeks ago. Really random and I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me before. I'm still trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy or escape him when I can't turn my back on him to talk to a friend.

What's worse than trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy is trying to figure out how to answer his questions. There's always the question, "what do you do for fun/ in your spare time?" Honestly? The majority of my time is spent at work or at home by myself or hanging with family. But who wants to hear that? After listening to my brother complain about how boring girls are when they never have any hobbies or anything that they do for entertainment - I just can't bring myself to really answer the question. Maybe I should just change the question in my head to, "In an ideal world, what would you do for fun most nights?" To that question I have lots of answers!

I've led an interesting life and have a ton of interests and have done and seen so much, but none of it is stuff that I'm really open to sharing with a total stranger. Dating is awful - by the way. I'm so incredibly awkward and horrible around new people. I'm typically quite shy and quiet until I get to know someone so I probably come across as totally uninterested and snobby. Most of the time I am uninterested so I'm not too upset about this, but for those few times where I am it makes it sort of difficult.

Also, the more guys I meet - the more I realize that I am incredibly, incredibly picky. (The number of times that I have liked a guy immediately upon meeting him is..... very very small- usually I have to be eased into it as I get to know them) And will probably never have a one night stand. Both of these things are both positives and negatives, but for now I'm just going to view them as positives.

I really want a puppy.