OK so it has totally been a while since I updated this. Thanks to the ever wonderful Kristina for pointing that out :) Sometimes I forget. Also - pics of shoes coming as soon as I have a reason to wear them!
Things are still going well for me. I think I can safely say that I officially survived my first winter!!!! It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Turns out, I totally like wearing skinny jeans with boots over them. I never thought I'd wear that trend. I also totally like wearing Ugg(ish) boots when it's freaking freezing out. And playing in the snow.
Having said all that - I'm still ready for it to warm up. I went to Florida for my mom's birthday two weeks ago and it was really nice. I totally missed the beach and the warm weather and all the open space and water!! I know that I would never want to live there again (at least as my life is now...) but I think Jacksonville will always hold a special place in my heart. Plus some of my favorite people are there!!!!
The whole point of the trip was for me to surprise my mom for her birthday - which was hilarious. Her best friend called me up and suggested it and paid for half my ticket. My grandparents paid for the other half and so I flew down to Jax, stayed one night with my Dad and lil brother who totally came in just for me!! (right?!?!) and then drove to Daytona the next day with him and my mom's best friend. We all surprised her at her work. She totally cried. It was fantastic.
We went out to eat, went bowling, went for a long walk on the beach and laid out by the pool. An all around fantastic weekend that went by far too quickly. I've missed my family and friends!!! Also - my brother and mom and I are all almost at exactly the same skill level for bowling so it was totally intense. There was one game where two of us tied and the third person had one point higher. CRAZY!!! It's like we share DNA or something.
I have been consistently busy with work and attempting to meet new people and hang out with old friends here in NYC. I still freaking love my job - which is fantastic. I decided to put off applying for law school/grad school again for an array of reasons. Maybe next year. And I'm single and sort of trying to date but I won't pretend like I'm putting in that much effort. Building relationships is time consuming!
Every Tuesday night I attempt to teach ESL students English as a volunteer ESL teacher. I teach a listening section and I don't think it's going all that well... the curriculum that was given to me is a bit wonky and I just don't have the time and energy to devote to creating my own curriculum for them. I still really like teaching adults though. Maybe someday I'll be good at it too!
I will try and update this with more stories and snippets soon. Much love!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Christmas
The highway is crowded. It seems everyone is in transit, getting ready for the holidays. We have passed at least 20 Toys R' Us stores and Wal-Marts and I feel the monotony of America grating on me. The drive between New York City and Boston is only supposed to be four and a half hours, but the Christmas traffic and the recent snow are slowing things down. I can see red taillights for miles ahead of us, and even though we're moving I am less and less hopeful that we will reach Boston before the subway shuts down for the night.
As I sit here, watching strip mall after strip mall pass slowly by my window, I realize that I miss my family more than I thought I would. Thanksgiving was easy enough, though there were a few pangs of homesickness involved. Tonight, though, as I'm headed to visit some very good friends of mine, I can't help but feel a little sad that this bus is heading north instead of south. The snow on the ground is less comforting than the warm Florida sun. The promise of an impromptu bed less inviting than the thought of crawling into the one I left behind six months ago. I suppose that this is what growing up is all about. As we get older we have to break with our old traditions and form new ones, or at the very least modify them. The only constant in life is change, right?
Despite missing home more than I ever thought that I would, I love where I am. I feel completely content with my life. Moving to New York City was exactly what I needed. I had come to a complete standstill in Jacksonville. I was miserable, even though I was surrounded with almost all of the people that I love. Now, so far away from them, I've found somewhere that I really think I belong. From my first day in New York City I have felt at ease. I have been lost and stressed the fuck out and completely baffled by many things, but never have I felt so at home. I feel like it's my city.
The cold and the snow present me with a new challenge. I have never lived somewhere with actual seasons. The cities I have lived in have all been considered to be subtropical in climate, so when I found myself standing in a snowstorm last weekend, I freaked out. I twirled in circles and giggled like a little girl and threw my arms up in the air and almost fell down on my ass as I played with the gorgeous white powder that fell around me. I took in the glory of Central Park coated in a fresh coat of snow and cursed the misery that is wearing tennis shoes through the slush. Two days later I did fall on my ass thanks to those same tennis shoes and a slippery staircase. I have a massive bruise to prove it.
Despite the shortcomings of the weather, I am enjoying feeling cold. It thrills me a little bit and while I am certain that I will be so sick of piling on clothes and trudging through the snow by the end of the winter - I still find myself giggling in excitement when I breath out and I can see it hang in the air. It's no longer something to call home about or run inside and tell everyone, "It's so cold you can see your breath!" but I think it will continue to make me smile for at least this winter.
I hope you all are happy and healthy and I wish you a very Merry Christmas (whether you celebrate it or not) and a fantastic New Year.
As I sit here, watching strip mall after strip mall pass slowly by my window, I realize that I miss my family more than I thought I would. Thanksgiving was easy enough, though there were a few pangs of homesickness involved. Tonight, though, as I'm headed to visit some very good friends of mine, I can't help but feel a little sad that this bus is heading north instead of south. The snow on the ground is less comforting than the warm Florida sun. The promise of an impromptu bed less inviting than the thought of crawling into the one I left behind six months ago. I suppose that this is what growing up is all about. As we get older we have to break with our old traditions and form new ones, or at the very least modify them. The only constant in life is change, right?
Despite missing home more than I ever thought that I would, I love where I am. I feel completely content with my life. Moving to New York City was exactly what I needed. I had come to a complete standstill in Jacksonville. I was miserable, even though I was surrounded with almost all of the people that I love. Now, so far away from them, I've found somewhere that I really think I belong. From my first day in New York City I have felt at ease. I have been lost and stressed the fuck out and completely baffled by many things, but never have I felt so at home. I feel like it's my city.
The cold and the snow present me with a new challenge. I have never lived somewhere with actual seasons. The cities I have lived in have all been considered to be subtropical in climate, so when I found myself standing in a snowstorm last weekend, I freaked out. I twirled in circles and giggled like a little girl and threw my arms up in the air and almost fell down on my ass as I played with the gorgeous white powder that fell around me. I took in the glory of Central Park coated in a fresh coat of snow and cursed the misery that is wearing tennis shoes through the slush. Two days later I did fall on my ass thanks to those same tennis shoes and a slippery staircase. I have a massive bruise to prove it.
Despite the shortcomings of the weather, I am enjoying feeling cold. It thrills me a little bit and while I am certain that I will be so sick of piling on clothes and trudging through the snow by the end of the winter - I still find myself giggling in excitement when I breath out and I can see it hang in the air. It's no longer something to call home about or run inside and tell everyone, "It's so cold you can see your breath!" but I think it will continue to make me smile for at least this winter.
I hope you all are happy and healthy and I wish you a very Merry Christmas (whether you celebrate it or not) and a fantastic New Year.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
OK so I'm arrogant...
Do you ever catch yourself judging someone else? Assuming that they're an idiot because of a conversation they're having? Thinking you're better than them because of something they do or say? How much do you base your own actions on what the people around you will think of you? Do you care more about what your friends will think of you or what the general populace will think of you? Or does it matter?
I had an interesting conversation the other day about why humans act the ways that we do and what humanity really is. What shapes our values? Why do we think that it is wrong to take advantage of another person, or to kill a child, or anyone? Are there times when people really don't feel this way? Why has there been so much evil in this world if we do think it's wrong? Is it always wrong?
The answers, I think, are impossible to know. We all have our own moral codes that we live by, and I think these are largely shaped by our surroundings -a mixture of society, our parents, our family and our peers dictates for each of us what is right and what is wrong. Our moral codes are fluid and change as our surroundings change. This is why one day people are living at peace and another they are slitting each others' throats. Are there some values/morals/sense of right and wrong that we're simply born with? I'm not so sure.
I think that there are points where people do not view it as wrong to kill each other. They think that raping a woman to death is not evil, that pushing children into mine fields is part of the battle. On our pedestals, we look at these actions and condemn them and those that carry them out. We protest and send in troops and do whatever we can (or at least we talk about it) to stop them from carrying out what they believe to be right. We are acting in line with our moral code, which happens to be at odds with theirs. Is this right? Is placing our beliefs above theirs really something we should do?
Of course my instinctual response is, "No shit we should stop them! What they're doing is wrong!!" Just like my instinctual response in China is that the Chinese people that spit/blow their noses on the street are somehow less civilized than I am because their hygiene is different than my own. I judge the people who litter the streets with trash as well as those that sell their bodies for whatever it is they need. I judge the people that kill other people or molest children. I judge the young women that throw themselves at the men in the bars. I judge them and I think that, "I'm better than that. I'm better than them"
I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in my superiority complex. I feel like this topic gets neglected a lot because it's somehow OK to have an inferiority complex (which I also have to some degree), but feeling superior to people is a huge no-no. Well I'm here to admit that I totally feel superior sometimes. I think my way is better and I think that my country does a lot of things better than other countries. I'm also pretty sure that everyone feels this way. We believe what we believe and of course we think we're right and they're wrong - or we wouldn't believe it! Of course I think I'm better than the person who has participated in a massacre or an orgy every weekend - or I would participate too.
Having said that - I totally worry about what other people think of me and if they're looking at me and thinking that they're better than I am. Here comes my inferiority complex. I don't really know why - and I feel that I am somehow less susceptible to this impulse to look awesome in the eyes of others (or maybe I just think I always look awesome in the eyes of others so don't have to try.... no that's probably not it) but it's definitely something I still struggle with. Why do I avoid asking stupid questions or doing something where I might look like a total ass in front of my friends? If I really didn't care what other people thought then I would have no problem with this.
In a lot of ways - caring what other people think of you is a positive thing. It keeps us in line and respectful of others - which I think makes everyone happier in the end. But I still can't help but wonder how much I've missed out on because I didn't want to look stupid. Or didn't want to wear a bathing suit in front of that person.
On a related note - I bought my first scale today. I feel really weird about it.
I had an interesting conversation the other day about why humans act the ways that we do and what humanity really is. What shapes our values? Why do we think that it is wrong to take advantage of another person, or to kill a child, or anyone? Are there times when people really don't feel this way? Why has there been so much evil in this world if we do think it's wrong? Is it always wrong?
The answers, I think, are impossible to know. We all have our own moral codes that we live by, and I think these are largely shaped by our surroundings -a mixture of society, our parents, our family and our peers dictates for each of us what is right and what is wrong. Our moral codes are fluid and change as our surroundings change. This is why one day people are living at peace and another they are slitting each others' throats. Are there some values/morals/sense of right and wrong that we're simply born with? I'm not so sure.
I think that there are points where people do not view it as wrong to kill each other. They think that raping a woman to death is not evil, that pushing children into mine fields is part of the battle. On our pedestals, we look at these actions and condemn them and those that carry them out. We protest and send in troops and do whatever we can (or at least we talk about it) to stop them from carrying out what they believe to be right. We are acting in line with our moral code, which happens to be at odds with theirs. Is this right? Is placing our beliefs above theirs really something we should do?
Of course my instinctual response is, "No shit we should stop them! What they're doing is wrong!!" Just like my instinctual response in China is that the Chinese people that spit/blow their noses on the street are somehow less civilized than I am because their hygiene is different than my own. I judge the people who litter the streets with trash as well as those that sell their bodies for whatever it is they need. I judge the people that kill other people or molest children. I judge the young women that throw themselves at the men in the bars. I judge them and I think that, "I'm better than that. I'm better than them"
I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in my superiority complex. I feel like this topic gets neglected a lot because it's somehow OK to have an inferiority complex (which I also have to some degree), but feeling superior to people is a huge no-no. Well I'm here to admit that I totally feel superior sometimes. I think my way is better and I think that my country does a lot of things better than other countries. I'm also pretty sure that everyone feels this way. We believe what we believe and of course we think we're right and they're wrong - or we wouldn't believe it! Of course I think I'm better than the person who has participated in a massacre or an orgy every weekend - or I would participate too.
Having said that - I totally worry about what other people think of me and if they're looking at me and thinking that they're better than I am. Here comes my inferiority complex. I don't really know why - and I feel that I am somehow less susceptible to this impulse to look awesome in the eyes of others (or maybe I just think I always look awesome in the eyes of others so don't have to try.... no that's probably not it) but it's definitely something I still struggle with. Why do I avoid asking stupid questions or doing something where I might look like a total ass in front of my friends? If I really didn't care what other people thought then I would have no problem with this.
In a lot of ways - caring what other people think of you is a positive thing. It keeps us in line and respectful of others - which I think makes everyone happier in the end. But I still can't help but wonder how much I've missed out on because I didn't want to look stupid. Or didn't want to wear a bathing suit in front of that person.
On a related note - I bought my first scale today. I feel really weird about it.
Friday, November 6, 2009
New beginnings (again..)
I have now been in NYC for almost 4 months. Really not that long of a time, but I feel amazingly settled in. My transition to living here was definitely one of the easiest I have ever made. I won't pretend that I know all the ins and outs, or could tell you exactly where to go to get a good cupcake or anything (cupcakes are still really popular here), but I know my way around the subway lines pretty well at this point and feel really comfortable wandering the streets.
Living in America is definitely easier than living in a city overseas, but I still miss it sometimes! I'm extremely glad that I moved here and gave it a shot - because I definitely am much happier here than I ever could have been in Jacksonville, FL. I am a big city kind of girl. I miss the stars and the beach, but I love the hustle and bustle and walking down the city streets.
This is titled new beginnings because I have switched organizations. I now work at Planned Parenthood. My job at my previous organization quickly went to shit when my supervisor and I stopped getting along and we realized that our end goals weren't exactly meshing. I won't go into detail- but let's just say that it wasn't working out, so I was transferred here.
Today is day 6 and so far I really like it!! Everyone is extremely nice and welcoming and the sort of work they're doing here is much more my speed than the business services that were being carried out at my previous org. I'm working on a campaign to get comprehensive sex-ed into public schools in NYC by recruiting parents to push the principals to implement the available curriculum. As someone who grew up with probably too much sex-ed by my dear mother, I was never confused as to what sex was or what exactly a condom was and how to use it. However, I know most kids aren't blessed with parents as open as my own, and most schools don't offer much help (scary pictures of genital warts don't count). As such, I fully support this initiative and am excited about working on it!!
Something that's interesting about working here is figuring more out about what I believe. I've been reading up on feminism, the pro/anti-choice battle, sex-ed, and all sorts of other political and personal issues. I've always categorized myself as pro-choice because I truly believe that it is important for each of us to be in charge of our own bodies. For too long women were used as baby machines and it wasn't our choice whether or not we had children. For me, being forced to keep a child in my womb that I didn't want would be torture. Having a child that had been forced into me would be even worse. (I avoid saying that I only support abortion when it's a result of rape or because the mother is in danger because I don't believe that - but I do think it is especially important to support a woman's right to choose in those instances.) Having said that, I think it is an extremely difficult choice and I'm not sure that I would make that choice myself- but like many freedoms- I believe it's very important to allow each individual to make that decision for themselves. A woman's body doesn't suddenly belong to someone else just because she is pregnant.
Feminism is another issue that I keep running into here. Obviously, I am a feminist, as well as a humanist. I have been for ... a long time - but reading certain publications and peoples' opinions makes me realize that I haven't been the best one, and I have avoided categorizing myself as one before. There are many negative stereotypes associated with being a feminist, but the more feminists I meet (and love!) the more I realize that those stereotypes are completely ridiculous and I will never again refuse to label myself as such.
Also- I really kinda want a tattoo.
Living in America is definitely easier than living in a city overseas, but I still miss it sometimes! I'm extremely glad that I moved here and gave it a shot - because I definitely am much happier here than I ever could have been in Jacksonville, FL. I am a big city kind of girl. I miss the stars and the beach, but I love the hustle and bustle and walking down the city streets.
This is titled new beginnings because I have switched organizations. I now work at Planned Parenthood. My job at my previous organization quickly went to shit when my supervisor and I stopped getting along and we realized that our end goals weren't exactly meshing. I won't go into detail- but let's just say that it wasn't working out, so I was transferred here.
Today is day 6 and so far I really like it!! Everyone is extremely nice and welcoming and the sort of work they're doing here is much more my speed than the business services that were being carried out at my previous org. I'm working on a campaign to get comprehensive sex-ed into public schools in NYC by recruiting parents to push the principals to implement the available curriculum. As someone who grew up with probably too much sex-ed by my dear mother, I was never confused as to what sex was or what exactly a condom was and how to use it. However, I know most kids aren't blessed with parents as open as my own, and most schools don't offer much help (scary pictures of genital warts don't count). As such, I fully support this initiative and am excited about working on it!!
Something that's interesting about working here is figuring more out about what I believe. I've been reading up on feminism, the pro/anti-choice battle, sex-ed, and all sorts of other political and personal issues. I've always categorized myself as pro-choice because I truly believe that it is important for each of us to be in charge of our own bodies. For too long women were used as baby machines and it wasn't our choice whether or not we had children. For me, being forced to keep a child in my womb that I didn't want would be torture. Having a child that had been forced into me would be even worse. (I avoid saying that I only support abortion when it's a result of rape or because the mother is in danger because I don't believe that - but I do think it is especially important to support a woman's right to choose in those instances.) Having said that, I think it is an extremely difficult choice and I'm not sure that I would make that choice myself- but like many freedoms- I believe it's very important to allow each individual to make that decision for themselves. A woman's body doesn't suddenly belong to someone else just because she is pregnant.
Feminism is another issue that I keep running into here. Obviously, I am a feminist, as well as a humanist. I have been for ... a long time - but reading certain publications and peoples' opinions makes me realize that I haven't been the best one, and I have avoided categorizing myself as one before. There are many negative stereotypes associated with being a feminist, but the more feminists I meet (and love!) the more I realize that those stereotypes are completely ridiculous and I will never again refuse to label myself as such.
Also- I really kinda want a tattoo.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Unsure ...
Lately I have been doing research on global climate change, peak oil predictions and a variety of other environmental issues.
I just don't understand. People complain about governments putting out a call to the people of America to volunteer their time and encouraging civic engagement, and people complain about "large government" requiring green building practices. Why? Who can we possibly be hurting by conserving energy, planting trees and promoting open spaces? What is wrong with encouraging each other to volunteer our time to accomplish these things and more?
I fully agree that certain policies are flawed and that there are things being done that probably aren't entirely necessary and certainly not cost-effective. (LEED certification for one) However, I also feel that anything that reduces our impact on this planet and uses less of what the Earth gives us is a positive change. Resources are finite, populations are increasing, as are disasters that make it more and more difficult to come by things like food, water and even oil. The world does have a history of climate change, so I am not convinced that we can control the droughts and hurricanes or that we are wholly responsible for them, but I do believe that we currently have a greater impact on the Earth than we should.
Oil is a finite resource. That is a fact. Asthma rates in the world are up. That is a documented fact and it is widely accepted that this is in great part due to pollution. Pollution is caused by man. Therefore our impact is causing higher rates of childhood asthma and whatever other illnesses have been linked to pollution. (I haven't done the research to know exactly what those are or how reliable the studies are that link things such as truck emissions to learning disorders.)
Plus, pollution is just nasty. How many of you have ever avoided swimming in a river or ocean due to the level of trash or knowing that something was recently dumped into it? (Anyone in Jacksonville knows exactly what river I'm talking about...)
How is having our government regulate our industrial/commercial environmental impact a negative? We have proven that we will not spend the money or make the effort to do so without the regulations, or it would already be done.
I am as guilty as the next person of not doing everything I could to "save the planet." Honestly, I will probably never be one of those people that goes to any sort of extreme or puts myself in discomfort to do my part... but I do try to do the little things that I believe add up if we all do it. I will probably never compost, but I go out of my way to make sure my plastic bottles end up in a recycle bin rather than a trash can. I refuse plastic bags 90% of the time now and those that I do take I am sure to reuse at least once. If nothing else, I figure we will have more usable land that is not being taken up by plastic bags and bottles. We all need to reduce how much we use and how much we waste. I don't see the point in arguing that...
Take this rant how you will. I'm not a die hard hippie or a crazy environmental activist. (though I guess I'm turning into an activist). I welcome dissenting opinions and opposing research if you have any - and if you agree let me know. I'm curious what people I know think. There was a report released recently that claims that the environment is the 2nd most popular voting issue for those of us under 29. Since it is not something that generally comes up in conversation with my peers, I doubt its validity, but maybe I'm wrong?
I just don't understand. People complain about governments putting out a call to the people of America to volunteer their time and encouraging civic engagement, and people complain about "large government" requiring green building practices. Why? Who can we possibly be hurting by conserving energy, planting trees and promoting open spaces? What is wrong with encouraging each other to volunteer our time to accomplish these things and more?
I fully agree that certain policies are flawed and that there are things being done that probably aren't entirely necessary and certainly not cost-effective. (LEED certification for one) However, I also feel that anything that reduces our impact on this planet and uses less of what the Earth gives us is a positive change. Resources are finite, populations are increasing, as are disasters that make it more and more difficult to come by things like food, water and even oil. The world does have a history of climate change, so I am not convinced that we can control the droughts and hurricanes or that we are wholly responsible for them, but I do believe that we currently have a greater impact on the Earth than we should.
Oil is a finite resource. That is a fact. Asthma rates in the world are up. That is a documented fact and it is widely accepted that this is in great part due to pollution. Pollution is caused by man. Therefore our impact is causing higher rates of childhood asthma and whatever other illnesses have been linked to pollution. (I haven't done the research to know exactly what those are or how reliable the studies are that link things such as truck emissions to learning disorders.)
Plus, pollution is just nasty. How many of you have ever avoided swimming in a river or ocean due to the level of trash or knowing that something was recently dumped into it? (Anyone in Jacksonville knows exactly what river I'm talking about...)
How is having our government regulate our industrial/commercial environmental impact a negative? We have proven that we will not spend the money or make the effort to do so without the regulations, or it would already be done.
I am as guilty as the next person of not doing everything I could to "save the planet." Honestly, I will probably never be one of those people that goes to any sort of extreme or puts myself in discomfort to do my part... but I do try to do the little things that I believe add up if we all do it. I will probably never compost, but I go out of my way to make sure my plastic bottles end up in a recycle bin rather than a trash can. I refuse plastic bags 90% of the time now and those that I do take I am sure to reuse at least once. If nothing else, I figure we will have more usable land that is not being taken up by plastic bags and bottles. We all need to reduce how much we use and how much we waste. I don't see the point in arguing that...
Take this rant how you will. I'm not a die hard hippie or a crazy environmental activist. (though I guess I'm turning into an activist). I welcome dissenting opinions and opposing research if you have any - and if you agree let me know. I'm curious what people I know think. There was a report released recently that claims that the environment is the 2nd most popular voting issue for those of us under 29. Since it is not something that generally comes up in conversation with my peers, I doubt its validity, but maybe I'm wrong?
Monday, August 31, 2009
A love note...
I just want to say that I had an amazing weekend. I saw some great people, had a lot of fun, got a new purse which I desperately needed (as much fun as it is coming up with a handful of threads everytime I grab something from my current purse...) and fell in love with the Met.
I absolutely love living somewhere that has amazing museums that have suggested admission fees. This means that I give whatever change is in my pocket as my admission fee. When I went to the Museum of Natural History it was $2.50. A steal compared with the $16 they ask for. My grandparents were in town today so they paid my entry to the Met but I am definitely going back first chance I get. I'm not even that heavy into art and I adored it.
Art's cool - don't get me wrong. We're pals, I'm just not one of those people that needs 18 hours in one room with it. I admire it from afar and pretend like I know what I'm talking about (I honestly know zilch about art but it's pretty so I like it.) I want to know more about it and get a bit more exposure to it so living here is awesome for that. The Met is one of the cooler art museums I have been to - and I have been to a fucking lot of them. My favorites are still the Louvre (duh) and the Reina Sofia (Madrid - Guernica is one of the coolest fucking things I've ever seen), but the Met is up there. I can't wait to make it to MOMA and the Guggenheim. Oh and hopefully a couple others of the 572 art museums here.
I think NYC and I might be soul mates.
Too soon?
I absolutely love living somewhere that has amazing museums that have suggested admission fees. This means that I give whatever change is in my pocket as my admission fee. When I went to the Museum of Natural History it was $2.50. A steal compared with the $16 they ask for. My grandparents were in town today so they paid my entry to the Met but I am definitely going back first chance I get. I'm not even that heavy into art and I adored it.
Art's cool - don't get me wrong. We're pals, I'm just not one of those people that needs 18 hours in one room with it. I admire it from afar and pretend like I know what I'm talking about (I honestly know zilch about art but it's pretty so I like it.) I want to know more about it and get a bit more exposure to it so living here is awesome for that. The Met is one of the cooler art museums I have been to - and I have been to a fucking lot of them. My favorites are still the Louvre (duh) and the Reina Sofia (Madrid - Guernica is one of the coolest fucking things I've ever seen), but the Met is up there. I can't wait to make it to MOMA and the Guggenheim. Oh and hopefully a couple others of the 572 art museums here.
I think NYC and I might be soul mates.
Too soon?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A mess to be made...
I am totally a mess today. I woke up tired and with zero will to get out of bed. I am sore from restarting my yoga efforts. (the yoga feels amazing - the aftermath a little less so) I am totally PMSing (TMI I know but deal with it) and I have a date tonight that I am just so not in the mood for.
While I'm sort of proud of myself for actually going on a date - I'm realizing that I have serious issues with dating. I have limited dating experience but generally speaking I hate it. It's so awkward and I hate dealing with expectations and all the bullshit that goes into getting to know someone new. I feel very strange getting to know someone with the intention of either having a sexual or long term relationship with them. (Because really isn't it always about one or the other? Or both?) The fact that I'm sort of a prude and don't really think I want a long term relationship at the moment make dating seem sort of fruitless and pointless. However I am hesitant to shut myself off completely - it's not like I don't need the practice...
Date one is usually OK (at least when I don't immediately realize that I totally don't enjoy the other person's company). Date two is typically good actually but then date three I enter into what the fuck am I doing panic mode. I haven't made it past date three yet. Tonight is date two (but third time seeing each other) and I'm totally dreading it. I'm in a very cranky, undatelike mood. Yay.... (I will be single forever)
In other news- still loving NYC. Love the city and my job and pretty much everything I've experienced. It's way less intense for me than Shanghai but so much more engaging and exciting than Jacksonville. I have no idea how long I will stay here but so far I like it a lot. I can't shake the feeling of wanting to go back overseas... but as far as the US is concerned NYC is at the top of my list for places I could see myself actually living long term. Naturally, this may be in large part because I haven't spent much time in large cities in the US, but I would like to ignore this fact for now.
Grad school is something I'm starting to think more and more about as I realize that I miss going to classes and learning things. I'm also learning more about which field I might possibly want to enter into which is inspiring. I'm becoming a bit more focused in my pursuits but am still nervous about trying to break back into school and the whole application/rejection process. I should have taken the GRE when I was in undergrad... here's hoping I'm smarter when I take it than I was back then.
I think that's more than enough personal information for one day. G'night y'all.
While I'm sort of proud of myself for actually going on a date - I'm realizing that I have serious issues with dating. I have limited dating experience but generally speaking I hate it. It's so awkward and I hate dealing with expectations and all the bullshit that goes into getting to know someone new. I feel very strange getting to know someone with the intention of either having a sexual or long term relationship with them. (Because really isn't it always about one or the other? Or both?) The fact that I'm sort of a prude and don't really think I want a long term relationship at the moment make dating seem sort of fruitless and pointless. However I am hesitant to shut myself off completely - it's not like I don't need the practice...
Date one is usually OK (at least when I don't immediately realize that I totally don't enjoy the other person's company). Date two is typically good actually but then date three I enter into what the fuck am I doing panic mode. I haven't made it past date three yet. Tonight is date two (but third time seeing each other) and I'm totally dreading it. I'm in a very cranky, undatelike mood. Yay.... (I will be single forever)
In other news- still loving NYC. Love the city and my job and pretty much everything I've experienced. It's way less intense for me than Shanghai but so much more engaging and exciting than Jacksonville. I have no idea how long I will stay here but so far I like it a lot. I can't shake the feeling of wanting to go back overseas... but as far as the US is concerned NYC is at the top of my list for places I could see myself actually living long term. Naturally, this may be in large part because I haven't spent much time in large cities in the US, but I would like to ignore this fact for now.
Grad school is something I'm starting to think more and more about as I realize that I miss going to classes and learning things. I'm also learning more about which field I might possibly want to enter into which is inspiring. I'm becoming a bit more focused in my pursuits but am still nervous about trying to break back into school and the whole application/rejection process. I should have taken the GRE when I was in undergrad... here's hoping I'm smarter when I take it than I was back then.
I think that's more than enough personal information for one day. G'night y'all.
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