Tuesday, April 28, 2009


OK so I'm a bit of a strange girl in the sense that I have no problem going places by myself. I will eat dinner by myself, chill at a coffee shop for hours with my ipod and book (ok it's usually just my book), and even go to a bar and get a drink by myself.

I don't mind being alone. I don't mean alone in the bigger sense of the word, just in the immediate "hey, I'm here by myself" sense. I would probably wither away and die without people in my life, so I'm very grateful to have so many wonderful people in it - even the ones I only get to talk to online make me feel like my life has meaning of some sort. However, I do not require someone to go to the movies with and I don't really have a problem sitting at a bar drinking a beer and reading a book, or even just enjoying the music being played. I know that I look really pathetic, and people typically assume that I have been stood up or am waiting for someone - but who cares?

I bring all of this up because I have been acting on my impulses to do things by myself a lot more lately. I've been to a few bars by myself and have enjoyed it for the most part. The whole experience has been sort of interesting because I have zero experience with getting hit on and handling myself around men. I've been in a couple of relationships and dated a few people - but none that I ever met outside of school/friends/work. I'm not the sort of girl that gives out her phone number usually and I typically brush men off when they do approach (which to be fair, in the past wasn't all that often.)

I'm not entirely sure what's changed but the past couple of months I've been approached by a lot more guys. I even had a guy at a local sandwich shop ask me for my number a couple of weeks ago. Really random and I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me before. I'm still trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy or escape him when I can't turn my back on him to talk to a friend.

What's worse than trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy is trying to figure out how to answer his questions. There's always the question, "what do you do for fun/ in your spare time?" Honestly? The majority of my time is spent at work or at home by myself or hanging with family. But who wants to hear that? After listening to my brother complain about how boring girls are when they never have any hobbies or anything that they do for entertainment - I just can't bring myself to really answer the question. Maybe I should just change the question in my head to, "In an ideal world, what would you do for fun most nights?" To that question I have lots of answers!

I've led an interesting life and have a ton of interests and have done and seen so much, but none of it is stuff that I'm really open to sharing with a total stranger. Dating is awful - by the way. I'm so incredibly awkward and horrible around new people. I'm typically quite shy and quiet until I get to know someone so I probably come across as totally uninterested and snobby. Most of the time I am uninterested so I'm not too upset about this, but for those few times where I am it makes it sort of difficult.

Also, the more guys I meet - the more I realize that I am incredibly, incredibly picky. (The number of times that I have liked a guy immediately upon meeting him is..... very very small- usually I have to be eased into it as I get to know them) And will probably never have a one night stand. Both of these things are both positives and negatives, but for now I'm just going to view them as positives.

I really want a puppy.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Holy Shit

I just scared the crap out of myself. (I hope)

It's not a very nice night here in Jacksonville. The full moon is high and bright and my house is eerily quiet, save the wind throwing branches against my windows and audibly straining the doors. It's one of those nights - one where I walked outside and said to myself, "Creepy" at the sight of the moon and the sound of the wind.

I originally walked outside to retrieve something from my car. As I'm moving everything around and shuffling through the papers and everything else in my car that I really need to clean out - I notice that it got a lot darker all of the sudden. I look up and my garage door is shut. Now - I didn't shut it when going out to my car because I knew I would be coming back in momentarily. My garage door is also quite loud when it opens and closes as it is 30 years old and the machinery is therefore ancient- so the fact that I didn't hear it close is extraordinary. Add to that the fact that when I reached for my garage door opener to reopen it, it took a few tries to get it work, and you have a scared shitless Camille.

I don't scare that easily, and while I know that I did pick up and move my garage door opener while searching through my car and could have easily accidentally hit the close button - the combination of the moon, wind, the fact that my garage door opener rarely works on the first try, and the fact that I'm here alone right now just freaked me the hell out.

Naturally, I assumed that someone had snuck into the house and closed the door behind them in an effort to keep me out. I watched the windows for a while to see if I could see any movement and searched the area for a vehicle of some sort or anything out of the ordinary. Seeing nothing, I decided it was time to suck it up and reenter the house because I was probably overreacting. I looked for something to wield as I entered the house and settled on a bottle of Raid (bug spray that will sting the shit out of you if you come into contact with it). I wandered through the front of the house and opened all the doors and closets and such to check. I then proceeded to play pool for a while in an effort to seem casual and more vulnerable in an effort to lure out my possible attacker if they existed.

No one appeared. I have yet to explore the back of the house - and I think I'll wait until Eric gets home to do that. I realize that this probably sounds crazy and ridiculous paranoid, but I'm pretty ok with that. I would rather be safe and paranoid than completely ignorant and naive and put myself in danger. Not that going back into the house with a can of bug spray was my safest option, but at least I remain alert. For now, I'll keep my bug spray nearby.

In other news, I watched Yes Man tonight. Hilarious. Not all the way through, but there were definitely some parts that I found really really funny that made the rest worth watching. Plus Zooey Deschanel is in it and I just think she's tops.