Tuesday, April 28, 2009


OK so I'm a bit of a strange girl in the sense that I have no problem going places by myself. I will eat dinner by myself, chill at a coffee shop for hours with my ipod and book (ok it's usually just my book), and even go to a bar and get a drink by myself.

I don't mind being alone. I don't mean alone in the bigger sense of the word, just in the immediate "hey, I'm here by myself" sense. I would probably wither away and die without people in my life, so I'm very grateful to have so many wonderful people in it - even the ones I only get to talk to online make me feel like my life has meaning of some sort. However, I do not require someone to go to the movies with and I don't really have a problem sitting at a bar drinking a beer and reading a book, or even just enjoying the music being played. I know that I look really pathetic, and people typically assume that I have been stood up or am waiting for someone - but who cares?

I bring all of this up because I have been acting on my impulses to do things by myself a lot more lately. I've been to a few bars by myself and have enjoyed it for the most part. The whole experience has been sort of interesting because I have zero experience with getting hit on and handling myself around men. I've been in a couple of relationships and dated a few people - but none that I ever met outside of school/friends/work. I'm not the sort of girl that gives out her phone number usually and I typically brush men off when they do approach (which to be fair, in the past wasn't all that often.)

I'm not entirely sure what's changed but the past couple of months I've been approached by a lot more guys. I even had a guy at a local sandwich shop ask me for my number a couple of weeks ago. Really random and I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me before. I'm still trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy or escape him when I can't turn my back on him to talk to a friend.

What's worse than trying to figure out how to politely turn down a guy is trying to figure out how to answer his questions. There's always the question, "what do you do for fun/ in your spare time?" Honestly? The majority of my time is spent at work or at home by myself or hanging with family. But who wants to hear that? After listening to my brother complain about how boring girls are when they never have any hobbies or anything that they do for entertainment - I just can't bring myself to really answer the question. Maybe I should just change the question in my head to, "In an ideal world, what would you do for fun most nights?" To that question I have lots of answers!

I've led an interesting life and have a ton of interests and have done and seen so much, but none of it is stuff that I'm really open to sharing with a total stranger. Dating is awful - by the way. I'm so incredibly awkward and horrible around new people. I'm typically quite shy and quiet until I get to know someone so I probably come across as totally uninterested and snobby. Most of the time I am uninterested so I'm not too upset about this, but for those few times where I am it makes it sort of difficult.

Also, the more guys I meet - the more I realize that I am incredibly, incredibly picky. (The number of times that I have liked a guy immediately upon meeting him is..... very very small- usually I have to be eased into it as I get to know them) And will probably never have a one night stand. Both of these things are both positives and negatives, but for now I'm just going to view them as positives.

I really want a puppy.

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