Friday, October 31, 2008


OK so it's been a while since I've updated. I haven't had too much to say other than OMG work is almost over and I'm leaving China!! That is all still very true... work has officially ended and I leave China in 5 days. Fucking nuts!

That however, is not why I wanted to update this. I am updating because I just finished watching Schindler's List and I just had to write something about. First of all... man am I glad that I was never in history class those days that this was shown. Fuck... I haven't cried that hard in like a year. Movies basically never make me actually cry, this movie however, fuck! I'm like sitting on my couch watching the end of the movie fucking bawling.

I don't really even know how to express exactly what it is that got to me about it. I think a big part of it was realizing how much life has been lost as a result of the Holocaust... and the strength of so many of the people. Schindler was impressive, and I wish more men were like him in the world, but the strength of so many of the Jewish people is pretty astounding as well. The lack of humanity in a lot of the guards was also enlightening- Jewish and SS.

I have a dim view of humanity in general I think. I don't really want to or mean to... it's just a result of looking at the world and what humans have done to each other. At the end of the movie it says that from the 1,100 Jews that Schindler saved, there are over 6,000 descendants. Imagine how many people those 6 million that were senselessly murdered would have brought to this world. And that's just the one genocide. I know in every story there are the famous men and women like Schindler and Rusesabagina that risk their lives to save as many as they can... but for each story like theirs there are so many more of the opposite. There are so many killers to each savior that its amazing that humans are still alive. At least there are people from the outside who are willing to step in and condemn these actions and put a stop to them. Funny how to the outside it's always so clear that what is being is done is wrong... but on the inside it seems like the right choice.

On a related note, I read the book "The Plot Against America" by Philip Roth this week. That was also a bit disturbing. Sometimes I forget just how anti-semitic America was back then. An anti-semitic America is not a topic you hear a lot about anymore so I wonder how many SS fans are still around. It would probably disturb me to know. But yes... thank God America finally did step in and fight against the Germans. I am not always a big believer in America fighting other peoples' fights, but when it comes to the slaughtering of thousands upon thousands of people... I fully support us stepping and stopping it. It's a shame that it's not always as "easy" as fighting and defeating a country's army.

Well that's enough depression for tonight. I'm really glad I finally watched the movie though. I'm also really glad that I chose to do it alone. Fuck the Nazis and all crazy people in this world who think that other people deserve to die or be persecuted just for being. Life is hard enough.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Big Lebowski

A good article for anyone who is a fan of The Big Lebowski. Personally, I'm a huge fan and totally understand/appreciate its genius. I didn't realize it was a "cult film" until reading this article... but now I really want to find/start a Lebowski fest.

Some of the comments are really funny, too.

Counting down...

I am totally getting ready for my return to the States. As the date of my return gets closer and closer, I get more and more nervous about coming back! It will be so strange to be living in the States again... especially in such a small town atmosphere like Jacksonville. Shanghai's insanely huge with just about 23 million (depending on which estimate you use it can go as "low" as 17 million, but I think that's less accurate) people living in one city. There are high rises and sky scrapers (the tallest in the world) and Pearl towers and all sorts of stuff that will be weird to be without.

As different as Shanghai is, and as many complaints as I have had about living here... it's been my home for the past year and I will definitely miss it. For my last couple of weeks in China I plan on seeing a bit more of it, and just enjoying being here. I think I will go see the Terra Cotta warriors and maybe go back to the Wall. I haven't been in 8 years and I remember liking it last time... Of course we'll see how much money I have to do that with!! Money sucks and I am totally not looking forward to getting a job, but I guess I'll have to suck it up. Working retail for the Christmas season will throw me right back into American culture, so at least there's that!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


People keep calling the office and trying to talk to me in Chinese and I can't understand them well enough to answer their questions. I'll be able to answer a few but then can't figure out the rest of what they're saying!!! It's incredibly frustrating and I'm totally ready to return to a land where I understand the better part of what people are saying to me.

Also - I really want to move to a Spanish speaking country again. I miss speaking Spanish and now suck terribly at it. I'm confident that it would return to me if ever I were to speak it on a regular basis again. I can still understand much of what I read and can get my point across ok in writing, but speaking? Whole other story.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Running out of time!

I officially only have 2 1/2 weeks of work left. I can't believe how quickly time is passing. In just 2 1/2 weeks my job will be over and Andrew will be arriving here in Shanghai. Our 2 year anniversary is that day so I think I'll take him out somewhere to celebrate. It will be a celebration of 2 years together and the end of this hellish episode of living on different continents. It hasn't been so bad, but I'm not sure I would want to do it again without a damn good reason. Who knows what life will bring, though!

I'm a bit concerned about getting a job back in the States, but I guess I'll just have to worry about that once I'm there. I figure I'll be able to get a job that pays enough to put a roof over my head and food in my gut. Beyond that, I can only hope! I'm pretty good at living within my means, so no matter what I'm not too worried. It's a shit time to be coming home, though. Damn American economy! I'll also be just missing all of the election hooplah. My absentee ballot still hasn't shown up... I might not be voting after all! (Still hoping it shows.)

I'm excited for the election to happen and be over and done with. I hope that Obama wins because I think I don't much care for McCain. I'm not much for war so I don't really like hawks. Either way, it will be interesting to see how the country changes over the next 4 years ... or doesn't. It's probably wrong to feel a sense of hopelessness with regard to our political system, but sometimes it hits me. The really sad part is I can't think of anywhere that has a perfect system. Or a perfect anything. Racism, violence, hatred, crap politics, etc., exists pretty much everywhere on our planet. Humans are an interesting species.

Anyway! I still have to buy my ticket home, but I hope to do that sometime soon. I think I'll still be arriving in Seattle on the 5th or 6th and then going back to Jax on the 19th or so. (November) I'll be there for the rest of November and probably all of December so I hope to get in some decent face time with anyone who's home for the holidays! I miss everyone and can't believe it will have been a year since I've been home. Maybe I'll post something more substantial sometime soon...